stevenjohnstonblog

~ Short stories about anything and everything

stevenjohnstonblog

Monthly Archives: August 2014

choice cuts of meat can kill

30 Saturday Aug 2014

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                                                                Grandma bought A Leg

                                                                    Of Lamb

                                                       Grandpa and Grandma have been married

                                                       for a very long time,about sixty years

                                                       For about forty of those years,they have

                                                       fought like cats and dogs.

                                                       Grandma had a hankering,she needed

                                                       to get to the shops.

                                                      She went to the supermarket,and

                                                      wandered down the aisles.

                                                      She is looking for the meat department

                                                      She has a cunning,devious plan.

                                                      Meanwhile at home Grandpa is

                                                      sitting in the kitchen,bitching

                                                      He has a scratch,that want stop

                                                      itching

                                                      Now this scratch is not the normal kind

                                                      It is a itch gnawing deep inside his mind.

                                                      He knows Grandma is up to something

                                                      but he doesn’t know what

                                                      Back at the supermarket,Grandma finally

                                                      finds what she is looking for

                                                      A nice big juicy leg of lamb,5kg or more

                                                      She jumps into a taxi,and starts to head

                                                      on home

                                                      She is thinking of her plan

                                                      How to finish off the old man

                                                      She gets home and heads to the kitchen

                                                      turns on the oven 180 degrees

                                                      puts in the leg of lamb,easy as you please

                                                     Meanwhile Grandpa goes about his business

                                                     His time on earth drawing to a close

                                                      He is thinking about tea time,wondering

                                                      what Grandma will prepare

                                                      Six hours later,Grandpa is snoozing

                                                      on the lounge

                                                      Grandma walks in,has a look around

                                                      The leg of lamb,at the ready

                                                       her hands are nice and steady

                                                       Well nick,nack,paddywack she swings

                                                       with all her might

                                                       Grandpa doesn’t know what hit him

                                                       his lights are out without a fight

                                                       Grandma sits and ponders her next

                                                       move

                                                       She knows if she eats the evidence,no

                                                        murder weapon will be found

                                                       The police are called,Grandma talks

                                                        about an intruder,while she eats a lamb

                                                        sandwich

                                                       Grandma is now residing in a old folks

                                                       home,I visit her now and then

                                                       I am getting kind of hungry,so I ask

                                                      Grandma Whats to eat?

                                                       She says”why a leg of lamb of course

                                                       It is my favourite treat”                                                        

       

spouses are deadlier then mouses

28 Thursday Aug 2014

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                                                                          Wife With A Knife

                                                                 I have been stuck in a marriage

                                                                 For twelve long years now

                                                                 There have been plenty of fights

                                                                 Swearing and broken vows

                                                                 Thank Christ there are no children

                                                                 I would not want to pass on her genes

                                                                I really should not say that,cause

                                                                We are both at fault

                                                                I think we just out grew each other

                                                                When she gets home,Im gonna call a halt

                                                                What was that noise?It is coming from

                                                                 The kitchen,did someone just break in,or

                                                                 am I imaging the whole thing

                                                                Oh,its just the wife,i recognise her sounds,

                                                                What is that in her hand?

                                                                Crikey,the wifes got a knife

                                                                And she is heading my way

                                                                I get up and run,I am running for my life

                                                                I realise I am in a whole lot of trouble,

                                                                a whole lot of strife

                                                                The wife has a knife

                                                                I think she has finally snapped

                                                               The wife has a knife

                                                               How can she move so fast

                                                               She is slashing and stabbing

                                                               Looking for a weak point

                                                               The wife has a knife

                                                               Im,hit I can see my blood pooling

                                                               on the floor

                                                              The wife has a knife

                                                               And in one moment,i am no more

                                                                           

people should not own guns

26 Tuesday Aug 2014

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                                                                              Man With A Gun

                                                                   Nothing takes the fun away more

                                                                   Then a man with a gun

                                                                  Walks and stalks down the corridors

                                                                  Spraying bullets at a deadly pace

                                                                  Trying to wipe out the human race

                                                                  He likes and craves the attention

                                                                  It is one huge adrenaline rush

                                                                 Man with a gun

                                                                He is coming your way

                                                                Man with a gun

                                                               He want go away

                                                              There is nothing more dangerous

                                                               Then a man with a gun

                                                              He will crush all your dreams

                                                              Well there is one thing more dangerous

                                                             Then a man with a gun

                                                             and that is a

                                                             WIFE WITH A KNIFE

                                                             But that is another story.             

Gone but not forgotten

25 Monday Aug 2014

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                                                                   My Brother Greg

                                                I used to have a little brother,his name was Greg

                                               he is no longer with us

                                               unfortunately my brother is dead

                                               It has been a long time now

                                              Greg died back in the eighties

                                              Oct 18 1986 to be exact

                                              You know the memories,it is hard sometimes to remember

                                              Iknow we used to sit around smoking dope,

                                             and having a few beers

                                            We played soccer,cricket,and out hung out together

                                            But Greg went out and bought a motorbike

                                            My parents hated it,and were afraid there would be an accident

                                            Well my parents were rarely wrong

                                           and they weren’t this time either

                                           There was an accident,a really bad one

                                           and Greg didn’t walk away

                                          I remember the night the police knocked on the door

                                          I just went to pieces,i don’t remember hitting the floor

                                         They told there had been a fatality on Minmi road

                                         Greg had come off his bike,hit his head on a pole

                                         You know the saddest part of all this,

                                         is that it is such a waste

                                         Greg didn’t get to live a life,just a little taste

                                        So Greg you are gone but not forgotten

                                        I think about you everyday

                                      I wonder what you would have done with your life

                                      Maybe had some kids,maybe a wife

                                     So Greg I will see you again one day

                                     and we will have a beer or a reefer

                                    So long little brother,i will catch you in the breeze

                                   I hear your voice as it whispers through the trees

                                   24,then no more.                  

this is a request from Clyde

24 Sunday Aug 2014

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                                                                   Quantum Mechanics

                                                Nothing gets my imagination going more than

                                                Quantum Mechanics

                                                 It has always been my favourite subject

                                                 I don’t know what is better the Quantum or

                                                 the Mechanics

                                                 Come to think of it,I like them both

                                                 but put them together and kapow

                                                 I love to write about Matter,Energy Scale of

                                                 Atoms,Photons,Spectrial Intensities Nanoscopic

                                                 Scales and Planck Contact

                                                 I have known about Quantum Mechanics for a very

                                                 long time now

                                                 Probably since about 9.30 this morning,when I got

                                                 a text from Mr C wanting me to write about my

                                                 favourite subject Quantum Mechanics

                                                 Well most of the stuff so already in my head haha

                                                 But I had help from the Google man

                                                  Who will always give you a helping hand

                                                  So there you are Mr C that is my take on the subject

                                                   Thanks for the challenge,it got me out of my favourite

                                                   square

                                                   And for me that is very rare.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this is a request

24 Sunday Aug 2014

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                                                                                The Rain

                                                         Went bushwalking this morning

                                                         up on nanny goat hill,Wallsend

                                                         When the rain started coming down

                                                         It was kind of annoying,but it made

                                                        a pleasant sound

                                                        Iwas like a drowned rat trudging

                                                       through the bush

                                                       looking for somewhere to shelter

                                                       I love the rain,but at the same time

                                                       I hate it

                                                       It can start out as a gentle stream

                                                       that can turn into a flood

                                                       But the rain also fills the dams and rivers

                                                       that breaks a year long drought

                                                       I like to sit on my lounge watching the rain

                                                       come down

                                                       but if it rains to much you have to mow the

                                                       lawn all the time and you cant get the washing

                                                       in off the clothes line

                                                       The rain is a pleasant thing,but also it can be

                                                       a savage beast

                                                       You want the rain in moderation,

                                                        to keep the peace.         

This is about my grandpop

24 Sunday Aug 2014

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                                                                                      Grandpop

                                                                   I am sitting here, writing this,thinking about

                                                                   my grandpop,who died in 1973

                                                                   Most of the time he was a cranky old bastard

                                                                   who wouldn’t give you the time of day

                                                                   But at other times he would tell me stories

                                                                   He told me that when he was young there

                                                                   no cars,that people got around in horse&cart

                                                                   He said that when he worked in the mines,

                                                                   he used to carry around a canary

                                                                   If the canary died you couldn’t go underground

                                                                   He also told me a bit about when he went to war

                                                                  he would tell me a bit and then go quiet,you could

                                                                  tell by his face that he was haunted

                                                                  I think that the war got into his head,he would

                                                                 sometimes drink,and go a little wild

                                                                 He liked his whiskey and roll yer owns

                                                                and the wore a funny hat

                                                                He never smiled,most of the time he was withdrawn

                                                                and sullen

                                                                But get him on a good day,you couldn’t meet a

                                                                better person

                                                                I still think about grandpop,every now and then

                                                                So here I am now writing with paper and pen

                                                               Goodbye Grandpop  

just a story

20 Wednesday Aug 2014

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                                                                                 The Devil

                                                            Well I was on my way to heaven

                                                            When I took a bit of a stumble

                                                            I went a little further

                                                           And it turned into a tumble

                                                          The devil said he gave me a push

                                                          He said I was going the wrong way

                                                          I was supposed to go down,not up

                                                         I had done to much wrong

                                                         The devils voice sounds sweet

                                                        When he whispers in your ear

                                                        He will tell you things

                                                        That you think you want to hear

                                                        So I have settled down in hell

                                                       It is getting rather hot

                                                       I will have a red hot barbie

                                                       Then again,maybe not

                                                       The devils voice sounds sweet

                                                       When he whispers in your ear

                                                       He will tell you all the things

                                                       That you think you want to hear

                                                       If you don’t want to meet the devil

                                                       You have to be good to other people

                                                       Love your family&friends,the best you can

                                                       That is all you have to do,

                                                       Just be a good person. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                    

                                                          

this is about getting old

19 Tuesday Aug 2014

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                                                                                           Faded

                                                               I am like a curtain,thats been in the sun

                                                                                          Faded

                                                             I am like a sail,thats swinging in the breeze

                                                                                        Faded

                                                            I am like a foot ball player who has to retire

                                                                                       Faded

                                                          I am like a politician who has to resign

                                                                                      Faded

                                                          I am like a gum leaf floating to the ground

                                                                                     Faded

                                                           I don’t to shrink and fade

                                                           I want to stay bright

                                                          You are like you are made

                                                          And you know,thats alright

                                                          So fade,fuck off

    

just made this up

19 Tuesday Aug 2014

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                                                                                       Don’t You Say

                                                                         If you are leaving,dont slam the door

                                                                         I don’t want to see anymore

                                                                         If you choose to stay

                                                                         Your attitude has got to change

                                                                        So be what may,sometimes you are strange

                                                                         So don’t you dare say that you love me

                                                                         Cause we both know it is just a lie

                                                                         You don’t know what love is

                                                                         I would rather just say good bye

                                                                         What are you waiting for

                                                                         You haven’t gone yet

                                                                         Just take your problems and go

                                                                         I wish we had never met

                                                                         You can do whatever you like

                                                                         So get on your bike,and take a hike.     

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