Grandma bought A Leg

                                                                    Of Lamb

                                                       Grandpa and Grandma have been married

                                                       for a very long time,about sixty years

                                                       For about forty of those years,they have

                                                       fought like cats and dogs.

                                                       Grandma had a hankering,she needed

                                                       to get to the shops.

                                                      She went to the supermarket,and

                                                      wandered down the aisles.

                                                      She is looking for the meat department

                                                      She has a cunning,devious plan.

                                                      Meanwhile at home Grandpa is

                                                      sitting in the kitchen,bitching

                                                      He has a scratch,that want stop

                                                      itching

                                                      Now this scratch is not the normal kind

                                                      It is a itch gnawing deep inside his mind.

                                                      He knows Grandma is up to something

                                                      but he doesn’t know what

                                                      Back at the supermarket,Grandma finally

                                                      finds what she is looking for

                                                      A nice big juicy leg of lamb,5kg or more

                                                      She jumps into a taxi,and starts to head

                                                      on home

                                                      She is thinking of her plan

                                                      How to finish off the old man

                                                      She gets home and heads to the kitchen

                                                      turns on the oven 180 degrees

                                                      puts in the leg of lamb,easy as you please

                                                     Meanwhile Grandpa goes about his business

                                                     His time on earth drawing to a close

                                                      He is thinking about tea time,wondering

                                                      what Grandma will prepare

                                                      Six hours later,Grandpa is snoozing

                                                      on the lounge

                                                      Grandma walks in,has a look around

                                                      The leg of lamb,at the ready

                                                       her hands are nice and steady

                                                       Well nick,nack,paddywack she swings

                                                       with all her might

                                                       Grandpa doesn’t know what hit him

                                                       his lights are out without a fight

                                                       Grandma sits and ponders her next

                                                       move

                                                       She knows if she eats the evidence,no

                                                        murder weapon will be found

                                                       The police are called,Grandma talks

                                                        about an intruder,while she eats a lamb

                                                        sandwich

                                                       Grandma is now residing in a old folks

                                                       home,I visit her now and then

                                                       I am getting kind of hungry,so I ask

                                                      Grandma Whats to eat?

                                                       She says”why a leg of lamb of course

                                                       It is my favourite treat”