There is a workmate of mine who thinks

his bum smells like a flower.

He lets one go,every hour on the hour.

His name is Albutticus Bumstesd

or Albutt for short.

He is a friendly enough guy

Always stopping to say hi.

But you know when he gets that look

on his face,like when a baby is filling its


You know that there has been a gas escape

from between his butt cheeks,something

to make him happy.

You see he thinks his bum smells like a geranium

But if you happen to be standing with in a 20 foot

radius,you better start running.

Because you know what is coming.

There are enough noxious fumes

to fuel 10 hot air balloons.

But Albutt is oblivious to what is around


To his nose his farts smell like a rose.

But to others,it is a completely different


The stench hits you in the back of the throat

It is enough to sink a freaking boat.

Albutt walks away with a little shake of his


Man,that dude has no dignity or class

It takes about 20 minutes for the smell to

go away.

But the memory is here to stay

Once again Albutt has left something that

you wont forget.

A smellier bloke I have never met.

The next day Albutt arrives at work a little

bit early.

He has let go another one,it smells like a

week old fish burley.

Albutt is disappointed cause no one is there

to smell it.

Albutt is so mad,he squeezes his butt cheeks tight

so another cant escape before his staff arrive.

Albutt is thinking about roses,daffodils,lillies,

violets and panseys,which are all his favourite


But Albutt must have a blockage in his nose.

Cause his farts don’t smell like a rose,or any of

his favourite flowers.

They smell like an open sewer pipe that has been

in the sun about a week.

Or a rotting carcass that has been decomposing

for about a month.

No flower smells like that of that I am sure.

At 8.00 am sharp his co workers arrive to start


Albutt is ready,he is fully loaded.all gassed up

and ready to go.

Albutt lets loose,but something is wrong,his

butt cheeks wont part.

This is Albutts last noxious fart,seeing that the

gas cant escape,it goes in instead of out.

So Albutt fills with the noxious gas,he slowly

fills and he starts to look like the Michelin man

His head starts to expand to a dangerous


And body looks like something to gross to


Albutt slowly starts to leave the ground and

he starts to float away.

But then someone lights a match and Albutts

explodes in a cloud of blood and guts.

There is nothing left of Albutt.

A week later at Albutts funeral there is an

ironic sight.

The room is full of flowers,of all shapes

and sizes.

Albutt left this earth smelling like a rose

So his nose,knows,I suppose.

PS This story is dedicated to Cathy

Quinton,thanks for the idea Cathy