There is a workmate of mine who thinks
his bum smells like a flower.
He lets one go,every hour on the hour.
His name is Albutticus Bumstesd
or Albutt for short.
He is a friendly enough guy
Always stopping to say hi.
But you know when he gets that look
on his face,like when a baby is filling its
You know that there has been a gas escape
from between his butt cheeks,something
to make him happy.
You see he thinks his bum smells like a geranium
But if you happen to be standing with in a 20 foot
radius,you better start running.
Because you know what is coming.
There are enough noxious fumes
to fuel 10 hot air balloons.
But Albutt is oblivious to what is around
To his nose his farts smell like a rose.
But to others,it is a completely different
The stench hits you in the back of the throat
It is enough to sink a freaking boat.
Albutt walks away with a little shake of his
Man,that dude has no dignity or class
It takes about 20 minutes for the smell to
But the memory is here to stay
Once again Albutt has left something that
you wont forget.
A smellier bloke I have never met.
The next day Albutt arrives at work a little
He has let go another one,it smells like a
week old fish burley.
Albutt is disappointed cause no one is there
to smell it.
Albutt is so mad,he squeezes his butt cheeks tight
so another cant escape before his staff arrive.
Albutt is thinking about roses,daffodils,lillies,
violets and panseys,which are all his favourite
But Albutt must have a blockage in his nose.
Cause his farts don’t smell like a rose,or any of
his favourite flowers.
They smell like an open sewer pipe that has been
in the sun about a week.
Or a rotting carcass that has been decomposing
for about a month.
No flower smells like that of that I am sure.
At 8.00 am sharp his co workers arrive to start
Albutt is ready,he is fully loaded.all gassed up
and ready to go.
Albutt lets loose,but something is wrong,his
butt cheeks wont part.
This is Albutts last noxious fart,seeing that the
gas cant escape,it goes in instead of out.
So Albutt fills with the noxious gas,he slowly
fills and he starts to look like the Michelin man
His head starts to expand to a dangerous
And body looks like something to gross to
Albutt slowly starts to leave the ground and
he starts to float away.
But then someone lights a match and Albutts
explodes in a cloud of blood and guts.
There is nothing left of Albutt.
A week later at Albutts funeral there is an
The room is full of flowers,of all shapes
Albutt left this earth smelling like a rose
So his nose,knows,I suppose.
PS This story is dedicated to Cathy
Quinton,thanks for the idea Cathy