that it is Christmas time,it is time for a Christmas

story.It all began……

Way up in the North Pole,where it can get kind of cold.

Live’s Santa and his wife,and all of his little helper’s

who love to tell Santa that he is looking old.

While Santa and Mrs Claus are in the back room making

some loving.

There are all sort’s of cup cake’s baking in the oven.

The little helper’s are all running around making a lot of noise

With tiny hammer’s,they make lot’s and lot’s of toys

Santa walk’s into the room,with a satisfied smile

After all he has just run a horizontal mile.

Mrs Claus is bow legged she can hardly walk

All she can do is talk and talk and talk.

All of the little helper’s help themselve’s to some

cup cake’s and milk.

They sit around on cushion’s made of satin and silk.

The boss little helper is an old man called Melvin the


He is kind of lonely,he has been left on the shelf

Even with the price marked down,he still cant find

himself a wife.

He is tired of the long lonely night’s.

Melvin is the boss,and his leading hand is an elf called Billy

Bob,Billy Bob is cruel,he rule’s with an iron fist,Billy Bob is a


Melvin and Billy Bob are alway’s arguing about the schedule

and the overtime.

Billy Bob want’s to be top dog he know’s that if some thing happen’s

to Melvin,the top job is his,all his.

Melvin supervise’s as the little helper’s work at a frantic pace.

They have a deadline to beat,if they want to win the race.

Before they know it,Christmas eve is here

They have beat the dead line,and they give a hearty cheer.

While Santa celebrate’s with bowl of nut’s and beer.

Biily Bob has got the whip out and yell’s at the elve’s to

hurry up and load the sleigh.

The little helper’s hate to be pushed and goaded.

The sleigh is finally filled to the brim,and overflowing.

Santa look’s at his watch and say’s’We should get going’

Santa check’s the reindeer’s,Rudolph snort’s and his red

nose glows

Mrs Claus take’s a photo,while the group strike a pose.

With a wave to Mrs Claus,Santa gives a signal,and the

reindeer take to the sky.

With a final look behind him Santa waves goodbye.

With a built in radar,the reindeer head to the south.

While Billy Bob in the back seat is running off his mouth.

Melvin sit’s beside him,champing at the bit.

Because deep down he know’s that he is Santa’s favourite

Melvin doesn’t know it but Billy Bob is hatching up a plan

He better watch out,cause Billy Bob is a very bad man

I say man,but I really mean an elf.

Billy Bob doesn’t care about anybody but himself.

With a little smirk,Billy Bob give’s Melvin a little push.

And Melvin disappear’s over the side,with  little whoosh.

The sleigh is over Canada,at a place called Winnipeg

Melvin tumble’s to earth,lucky not to break a leg.

Melvin hit’s the ground with an almighty splatter

All the local wild life run like hell and scatter

Lucky for Melvin the ground is covered in snow,and he

doesn’t even get a bruise.

What Melvin doesn’t know is that he just made the front

page new’s.

A local girl,named Dora,is out taking photo’s,of the fauna

and flora.

She see’s a tiny little man appear from out of the sky.

She run’s over to Melvin,and say’s a shy little hi.

Melvin brush’s the snow from his clothes.

Was it love at first sight,no one really know’s.

But Melvin is smitten,seeing Dora in her snowsuit and


Melvin standing upright only come’s up to Dora’s shoulder

But Melvin is staring at what is inside Dora’s over the

shoulder boulder holder.

With a little rush Melvin explain’s the situation.

He want’s Dora to help him,and she does with some

gentle persuasion.

Santa meanwhile is still heading in a southerly direction.

Then he turns around in his seat to ask Melvin a question

Seeing the empty seat beside’s Billy Bob,Santa say’s’where

is Melvin,What have you done Billy Bob?

Billy Bob just shrugged,and said’Melvin was drunk and fell out’

Santa know’s that this is a lie,because Melvin doesn’t drink.

Santa pause’s,and has a little think.

He has come to a decision,and he turn’s the reindeer around.

Billy Bob is seething and scream’s a silent sound.

Melvin and Dora have also had time to think.

They will build a new sleigh,made out of spare part’s,even

the kitchen sink.

Wheel’s from a stage coach,the body from a vintage car.

They need something solid to fly beyond the northern star.

Being a toy builder for many year’s,Melvin get’s to the task

with ease.

Melvin build’s a sleigh with blood,sweat and tears.

Santa is racing back to find the friend he is seeking

He just hopes that Melvin is wearing his sat nav beacon.

Lucky for him Melvin is wearing his sat nav.

They continue to build the sleigh with everything that

they have.

Thing’s are coming together,but what they need are some

reindeer,or maybe some horses.

But there are none to be found,of course.

Then Dora say’s’I know we can use some of my father’s cow’s’

They will get to the north pole by any means anyhow’s.

So they rustle up some cow’s,and tie them to the sleigh.

The cow’s don’t know to do,what to say.

One minute they are munching on some grass.

Next they have some contraption tied to their arse.

Melvin is ready to take off,but the cow’s don’t move

So Melvin,stand’s up and yell’s’Get ya finger’s out,you

frigging cow’s’

The cow’s just stand there dumbfounded,and drop some

patti’es on the earth.

They are about to go to the place of Melvin’s birth.

But before they get a moving,they here a HO,HO,HO.

Santa’s sleigh slowly comes into vision,what a sight for

sore eye’s.

Santa’s sleigh skid’s to a angel from the sky.

Melvin and Dora rush to Santa’s side with a smile.

Santa has saved the day,he has gone the extra mile

Billy Bob jumps from the sleigh all hateful and cruel.

But he has forgotten one golden rule.

You don’t get on santa’s bad side,cause he can hold a

grudge for life.

If you get on his bad side,you are in a whole lot of stife.

Billy Bob is banished,and told to sit down and shut up

Billy Bob’s life is about to go from bad to worse

He is tied to a tree,at the mercy of the animal’s

He will be nibbled at,by some very nasty mammals

After a quick feed and water,the reindeer are ready to


There are toys to be delivered,slow and steady if you please

The reindeer take off,and the deliveries are made all through

the night.

The kid’s all around the world will wake up to a beautiful sight

After sliding down countless chimney’s,and eating milk and


Santa has called it a night.

After helping with the deliverie’s Melvin and Dora,like Santa

are ready to head on home.

They point the reindeer northward,they have many mile’s

to roam.

Early the next morning,Mrs Claus hears the sleigh skid to a


She let’s out a sigh of relief,and feel’s her heart dop.

After another successful year,full of Christmas cheer.

Mr and Mrs Claus finally put up their feet.

A lovlier couple you will never meet.

Melvin and Dor meanwhile have begun a whirlwind


There is plenty of hugging and kissing,but there is something

missing.And that is a wedding ring.

Six month’s later Melvin and Dora are married in  quiet civil


The honeymoon is a cruise around the Greek island’s.

Melvin is nervous,he hasn’t been with a woman in a while.

Dora look’s at her husband,and says’Leave it all to me.’

She is not called Dora the explorer for nothing.