There is a monster out there

The press have dubbed the’Cereal Killer’.

There are no half measure’s with this

sadistic killer.

He is all killer,no filler.

He really likes the roughage.

He get’s off on the fibre.

Don’t start me on the Riboflavin,

the Niacin and Folate.

He wander’s the Cereal aisle in your

supermarket,looking for his weapon

of choice.

He pick’s up box after box checking it’s

balance and weight.

This is one man you would love to hate.

He first came to the attention of the Police.

When a guy stumbled out into the street

In a whole lot of pain,he said he was attacked

by a Nutri-Grain.

He said it was like being hit by a freight train.

You don’t mess with the Nutri-Grain.

A while later a guy told the cop’s,that when he

was walking home last night,he was attacked

from behind by something that looked like a

Corn Flake.

To escape,he took a flying leap into the lake.

Their is nothing more dangerous then a soggy

Corn Flake.

Swim as fast as you can for heaven’s sake.

The next day a woman was mugged by a Shredded


Looking mean and nasty and packing heat.

She was left naked and bleeding out in the street.

By something you wouldn’t want to meet.

A mean mother fucking Shredded Wheet.

One of the more dangerous cereal’s is the Vita Brit.

If it hit’s you,you know you have been hit.

It’s like a 100kg piece of shit.

There is nothing meaner then a Vita-Brit.

He might look happy,but look’s can be deceiving.

I am talking about round little cereal,the Cheerio’s.

Who’s weapon of choice is a rubber hose.

You will bleed all over the place,from your Toe’s

up to your Nose.

You have been taken down by the funny little Cheerio’s.

Another cereal to get the Cop’s attention.

Is the sweet little morsel called the Honey Puff.

He doesn’t know the meaning of enough is enough.

He mightn’t look like it,but he is mighty tough.

He will do you in that sweet little morsel the Honey


The Cop’s haven’t got a clue how to catch this cereal


So far there have been no death’s.

But it is only a matter of time.

The Cop’s look at the back of cereal pack’s looking

for a clue.

This cereal menace is coming


The Cop’s didn’t have to wait long before it changed from

a menace into a killer.

When a body was found in a meat chiller.

The forensic people arrive at the scene.

And they say that it look’s like the work of a


He had wound’s you could never fix.

The people at the scene have to cover their nose’s

with Vick’s..

Nothing smell’s nastier then the victim of the Weet- Bix.

The Cop’s were frantic,they had to catch this Cereal Killer.

Before he added to his body count.

They staked out the cereal aisle,looking for a cereal with

an evil smile.

The next victim was found in an alley.

He looked like he had been shot.

But after an autopsy.

They realised they were dealing with a Cocoa Pop.

By the state of the body,that Cocoa Pop really went

to town.

Maybe he will never be found.

There is nothing more dangerous then a Chocolate

covered Rice Bubble.

He will cause you pain and a whole lot of trouble.

The Cop’s get a break at the next murder scene.

Where a body of a man was found.

By the look’s of thing’s he was taken out by a Just


There were no defence wound’s.

So he didn’t get a chance to fight.

But the Just Right has left his print’s at the scene.

The Cop’s arrive at his house,with some Donut’s

and a battering ram.

The Just Right doesn’t go down easy.

He put’s up an almighty fight,he struggle’s,bite’s

and kick’s.

He give’s the Cop’s the fight of their live’s.

But he know’s he isn’t getting out of this alive.

He fought with all his might.

That cereal called the Just Right.

So the next time you have a bowl of cereal.

Just take a little time to think.

Just add sugar and milk.

And it will go down as smooth as Silk.