This is a story about a week I had a couple

of week’s back.

I t started bad,then got worse.

Saturday night,just sitting on the lounge

enjoying a beer or two.

When itsy bitsy Spider walked on by.

I tried to kill it ,but it moved to fast.

About ten minute’s later,I am just sitting

there enjoying my music.

When I felt something moving in my short’s.

I felt a bite,and I nearly died of fright.

My right thigh hurt,and started to burn.

The Spider took off and tried to get away.

I said to myself ‘Okay Spider,now it is my turn.’

I picked up a shoe and chased the Spider up the


A little brown thing,the Spider ran as fast as eight little

leg’s can go.

I caught up and said ‘right,come here you little so and so.’

Down came my shoe,and smashed the you know who.

Eight leg’s in the air,that Spider wa’nt going anywhere.

Now I have a mighty big red itchy rash.

T mark the occasion.

Sunday was good,went for a long walk,just chilled out.

Monday to work,another great day going very

fast(rapid) haha.

I finish work and go to my car,turn the key.

All I get is click,click,click.

Great a flat battery.

I put up the hood,fiddled with the battery connection

trying to look like I know what I am doing.

A few guy’s from work come along and ask ‘Do you

need a jump start ‘Sure’ I reply.

So the cable’s are connected,but no go.

Just click,click,click.

So Scott get’s out his heavy duty cable’s.

Connect’s them to my engine,and Vroom,my car start’s,

and purr’s like a kitten.

I drop the hood,thank the guy’s for their help.

And drive out of the carpark.

I drive for a few kilometre’s,and I come to the big

roundsbout at Warner’s Bay.

Without as much as a warning,my car just stop’s.

Right in the middle of the roundabout.

I couldn’t believe it,peak hour traffic.

And I am sitting there like a stunned Mullet.

For some reason my car was stuck in park,so I

couldn’t even push my car out of the way.

I rang for a tow truck,he told me ‘half an hour.’

I said ‘what? Are coming from the moon.’.

He said that he couldn’t get there any sooner.

So I was sitting there,car horn’s blaring,driver’s

hurling abuse.

I was frantically trying to get the stick out of park,

but it was no use.

Thank God,the Cop’s are here,and with the help of

some bystander’s.

They yank the stick into neutral.

They push the car to the side of the road,and I wait

for the tow truck.

I am calming down,thinking that the worst was over.

But there was more to come.

How could I be so dumb?

The tow truck driver tells me the cost for the tow is $99.

I tell him that I am only going around the corner,to the


So it cost me $99 for a two hundred meter tow.

When we arrive at the mechanic’s.

I open my wallet and lo and behold,no credit card or


So I say a few word’s that would make the devil blush.

Trying to think of a way to pay.

The guy behind the counter,say’s that he will pay for the

tow,and I can pay him back when I pay for the new battery.

I thought,Thank Christ for that,but then I think,how am I

going to get home?

So I leave my car there,and start walking home home.

About two hour’s later,in the stinking heat,i finally

arrive home at 6pm,and I collapse on the lounge.

I pick up my car the next afternoon,and all is well.

Or so I thought.

A couple of hour’s after I get home.

I turn on the oven to heat it up.

A few minute’s later,there is an almighty bang.

I jumped about five feet in the air.

And land on my darey air.

Wondering what the fuck is going on.

I walk into the kitchen,open the oven door.

Black smoke start’s pouring out.

Then the smoke alarm’s start going off.

I open the door’s and window’s,and the smoke

start’s to disperse.

I just stand there stunned,mumbling a mouthful

of curse’s

I run a bath,and I just lay there for 20 minute’s.

I can feel my blood pressure going back to normal.

I just soak the worry’s away.

But then I think.

The Spider,my car,the oven.

Am I under some kind of hex.

And I cant help,but think, What Next?