Down at the water edge wades a sad
The saddest Bird that you have ever
seen or heard.
He is down on his luck.
He cant find the energy to chirp,click
He lives on the edge of the lake
But he isn’t a Duck.
He is a Pelican
He goes by the name of Phil.
He has a mighty big bill.
About as long as a window sill.
The reason why he is down
is because he cant find a job.
If he could see over the counter
He would find a bank to rob.
If he was a little bit faster
he would catch a Fish with his gob.
He is willing to do anything
He will do any chore or job.
He lives with his Grandmother
Nan the Pelican.
She has raised Phil since he was a
Because his Mother was poorly
and always sick.
She brushed against against a reed
and got bitten by a Tick.
So Phil and his Nan search the Web
Looking for a suitable position.
Phil looks at the vacancies
and comes to a decision.
He thinks he would be a good baby
And so he applies for the job.
And to his astonishment
he gets the job.
He waddles off to work
even though he isn’t a Duck.
He knocks on the door of his new
Mr and Mrs Schmuck.
The Schmucks are desperate for
For their daughter Lucy
who is three months old.
The Schmucks go off to a party
Leaving Phil and Lucy to themselves
Lucy is restless and she starts to cry.
Phil is frantic he doesn’t know what
He picks up Lucy and puts her in his bill
thinking to use it like a bouncer
It does the trick and Lucy falls to sleep
But in all the excitement Phils bill slams
And Lucy is like a pearl in a clam
Jesus Phil is thinking that wasn’t part of
Phil manages to open up his bill
And Lucy is a funny shade of Blue
Phil doesn’t know what to do.
He tries bill to mouth resuscitation
and thirty compresses.
Lucy starts coughing
and she looks at Phil
with a look that impresses.
Phil is thinking maybe he isn’t cut out
to be a baby sitter
But there is one thing about Phil.
and that is he aint no quitter.
So it is back to the drawing board
And he buys a suit that he cant really
Because nobody can like a Pelican.
Cause Phil is the main man
His next job is as a landscape assistant.
He boss is mean and quite distant.
Phil does his best and uses his bill as a
But he is hurting from his muscles to his
He only lasts one day
The work is to heavy and physical.
His feathers are getting ruffled
And his next job is
searching for Truffles
Underneath the Oak trees
the Truffles wait to be dug up
But the usual digger upper er a
is a Pig.
Not a down on his luck Pelican.
Phil tries his best but his bill is to
He cant quite get a handle on things
Truffles are worth a lot of money
just like diamond rings.
If he had a bill like a Heron
or a beak like a Sparrow
he would have been a good wheelbarrow
If he had a beak like a Budgiregar
or drove a fancy car
Or if his feathers didn’t get ruffled
He would have found those elusive
Good jobs are hard to find
and Phil the Pelican
is on the hunt again.
Maybe he can use his bill to open s
Or he could build a house with an open plan.
Maybe he could be the next Prime Minister
Or maybe something less sinister.
Phil the Pelican will do anything to earn a
Wear a suit and a shirt with a collar
Or even wear a pair of shorts
and get a job on the ports.
Phil the Pelican is one proud Bird
Strutting around like a Peacock
His next job was on the loading dock.
Driving a fork lift is a tough job for a
Trying to control the pedals with a huge pair
of webbed feet.
His huge bill hits the steering wheel.
Causing the tongs to come out of
And the contents on the pallet end up
on the floor.
Now Phil don’t work there no more.
Phil the Pelican goes back to his favourite
piece of water to contemplate his next move.
He needs to find a job where he can get into
And he gets right down to the hub.
And he lands a job in a club.
He is Phil the Pelican the DJ man.
Playing all the RnB funk,soul and all
the classic sounds.
Watching the vinyl go round and round.
He loves being up on stage
watching the people shake their arses
Drinking beer and looking cool in his
After the gig walking down the street.
He has the whole world at his feet.
But Phil the Pelican doesn’t like to be out
He has a bit of bright light fright.
Too many people too many cars
So much smog that you cant see the Stars
or his scars.
Phil the Pelican has come to realise that
all that he wants.
And mark my words.
All he wants to be is a Bird.
Flying free doing as he pleases
Flying high drifting with the breezes.
Scanning the skies watching for Hawks.
He is glad to be away from all the hassles
and money talk.
He is a Bird and that is what he does best
He doesn’t have to pass a physical or IQ test.
He just flies and swims and does whatever
takes his fancy.
Thinking about his Bird
Big billed Nancy.
The waters of Lake Macquarie are good for
He can spread his wings and he can take to
Maybe dive down and catch a Fish.
Phil the Pelican is a Bird again
He got his wish