Ah yes,this is the life

laying back having a few beers.

I am about to watch a movie.

As my friends will tell you

I am not exactly a movie fanatic

I might watch one or two a year.

Okay time to get started

time to get my arse into gear.

I got to the fridge to get a fresh brew.

Then I sit in my chair,and press play.

The movie I am about to watch

Is a creepy movie.

Straight away I am starting to get nervous

a bit apprehensive.

Beads of sweat dot my forehead.

My nerves are somewhat sensitive.

The first victim falls to the ground

The head goes one way

The body the other.

I give a little jump

and said something like ‘sweet mother.’

I cant believe that much blood can come

out of one person.

The blood fills the screen

The blood fills my mind.

I will have a few more beers

It will give me something to hide


After about an hour

I pick up the remote,and hit pause.

Not that I am scared or anything.

Just well,just because.

I look at the TV screen

and all I can see is Red

Maybe it is time to finish my Beer

and head off to bed.

But no, I am watching a movie

and watch a movie I shall.

Victim number three or maybe five

lays splattered on the floor

I hope like hell that she survives

But going by all the blood and gore

I know that is wishful thinking

My bladder is full

My heart is sinking.

I go to the fridge for a refill

and settle in front of the screen

I hit play and victim six

is sliced,diced and ground.

I know one thing for sure

She is no longer around.

My bladder is bursting

I need some relief

I need to visit the bathroom

I need to go now

No more beers for me

Not for ten minutes,anyhow.

The tension is building

I am waiting for victim number seven

to appear

Here she comes right on cue

The Diceman is waiting

ready to slash and burn

Victim seven doesn’t have long to wait

It is now her turn.

Man this is really getting to me

all that suffering and pain

Yeah,I know it is just a movie

and none of it is real.

I know that I am a wuss bag.

But I cant help the way I feel.

Victim number eight is running late

The movie hits a flat spot.

It is time for a snack.

Some Vegemite on toast.

Now that really hits the mark

Now back to watching the movie

Sitting alone in the dark.

Victim number eight  acts like Paris


All wooden

About as sexy as a mannequin.

But the Paris lookalike try’s her best

But she is riding a wave

that will never crest.

My mind starts  to  wander

This movie is getting on my nerves

I have ben watching this crap for over

an hour

Which is fifty minutes more then it deserves.

But wait a minute

I think that the Diceman is looking my way.

He his looking past the camera

Past the TV screen

The Diceman is one nasty fiend.

I rub my eyes

And I have another look

The Diceman gives me a wink

and a little smirk

I think that the Diceman is sbout to go

to work.

Surely this isn’t real

He is just a movie bad guy.

But the Diceman looks me straight in

the eye.

And whispers my name

And I know that I am in the middle

of a deadly game.

I think Jesus these movies are really

getting interactive.

This getting to know the characters

is really going a bit overboard.

Am I about to feel the edge of a sword?

The Diceman looks at me with deadly


I say,hold the phone ‘I have a couple of


But the Diceman doesn’t have any answers

All he has is bad acting and a sword.

I am really getting worried

My scrotum heads towards my throat

I am in a boat

That doesn’t want to float.

But then I get some inspiration.

And I pick up the remote

and I press stop.

The Diceman disappears

along with all of my fears.