Down at the water edge wades a sad


The saddest Bird that you have ever

seen or heard.

He is down on his luck.

He cant find the energy to chirp,click

or cluck.

He lives on the edge of the lake

But he isn’t a Duck.

He is a Pelican

He goes by the name of Phil.

He has a mighty big bill.

About as long as a window sill.

The reason why he is down

is because he cant find a job.

If he could see over the counter

He would find a bank to rob.

If he was a little bit faster

he would catch a Fish with his gob.

He is willing to do anything

He will do any chore or job.

He lives with his Grandmother

Nan the Pelican.

She has raised Phil since he was a


Because his Mother was poorly

and always sick.

She brushed against against a reed

and got bitten by a Tick.

So Phil and his Nan search the Web

Looking for a suitable position.

Phil looks at the vacancies

and comes to a decision.

He thinks he would be a good baby


And so he applies for the job.

And to his astonishment

he gets the job.

He waddles off to work

even though he isn’t a Duck.

He knocks on the door of his new


Mr and Mrs Schmuck.

The Schmucks are desperate for

a sitter.

For their daughter Lucy

who is three months old.

The Schmucks go off to a party

Leaving Phil and Lucy to themselves

Lucy is restless and she starts to cry.

Phil is frantic he doesn’t know what

to do.

He picks up Lucy and puts her in his bill

thinking to use it like a bouncer

It does the trick and Lucy falls to sleep

But in all the excitement Phils bill slams


And Lucy is like a pearl in a clam

Jesus Phil is thinking that wasn’t part of

the plan.

Phil manages to open up his bill

And Lucy is a funny shade of Blue

Phil doesn’t know what to do.


He tries bill to mouth resuscitation

and thirty compresses.

Lucy starts coughing

and she looks at Phil

with a look that impresses.

Phil is thinking maybe he isn’t cut out

to be a baby sitter

But there is one thing about Phil.

and that is he aint no quitter.

So it is back to the drawing board

And he buys a suit that he cant really


Because nobody can like a Pelican.

Cause Phil is the main man

or Pelican.

His next job is as a landscape assistant.

He boss is mean and quite distant.

Phil does his best and uses his bill as a


But he is hurting from his muscles to his

bone marrow.

He only lasts one day

The work is to heavy and physical.

His feathers are getting ruffled

And his next job is

searching for Truffles

Underneath the Oak trees

the Truffles wait to be dug up

But the usual digger upper er a

is a Pig.

Not a down on his luck Pelican.

Phil tries his best but his bill is to


He cant quite get a handle on things

Truffles are worth a lot of money

just like diamond rings.

If he had a bill like a Heron

or a beak like a Sparrow

he would have been a good wheelbarrow

If he had a beak like a Budgiregar

or drove a fancy car

Or if his feathers didn’t get ruffled

He would have found those elusive


Good jobs are hard to find

and Phil the Pelican

is on the hunt again.

Maybe he can use his bill to open s

Sardine can.

Or he could build a house with an open plan.

Maybe he could be the next Prime  Minister

Or maybe something less sinister.

Phil the Pelican will do anything to earn a


Wear a suit and a shirt with a collar

Or even wear a pair of shorts

and get a job on the ports.

Phil the Pelican is one proud Bird

Strutting around like a Peacock

His next job was on the loading dock.

Driving a fork lift is a tough job for a


Trying to control the pedals with a huge pair

of webbed feet.

His huge bill hits the steering wheel.

Causing the tongs to come out of


And the contents on the pallet end up

on the floor.

Now Phil don’t work there no more.

Phil the Pelican goes back to his favourite

piece of water to contemplate his next move.

He needs to find a job where he can get into

the groove.

And he gets right down to the hub.

And he lands a job in a club.

He is Phil the Pelican the DJ man.

Playing all the RnB funk,soul and all

the classic sounds.

Watching the vinyl go round and round.

He loves being up on stage

watching the people shake their arses

Drinking beer and looking cool in his

cheap sunglasses.

After the gig walking down the street.

He has the whole world at his feet.

But Phil the Pelican doesn’t like to be out

at night.

He has a bit of bright light fright.

Too many people too many cars

So much smog that you cant see the Stars

or his scars.

Phil the Pelican has come to realise that

all that he wants.

And mark my words.

All he wants to be is a Bird.

Flying free doing as he pleases

Flying high drifting with the breezes.

Scanning the skies watching for Hawks.

He is glad to be away from all the hassles

and money talk.

He is a Bird and that is what he does best

He doesn’t have to pass a physical or IQ test.

He just flies and swims and does whatever

takes his fancy.

Thinking about his Bird

Big billed Nancy.

The waters of Lake Macquarie are good for

a Pelican.

He can spread his wings and he can take to

the sky.

Maybe dive down and catch a Fish.

Phil the Pelican is a Bird again

He got his wish