Stuart the Squirrel was laying in his bed.

He has a stomach cramp a big pain in his guts

He knows that he shouldn’t have done it

but he ate a handful of nuts

He knows that he is allergic to nuts

but he really likes the taste.

H has to race behind a tree

He has to do something more then a wee.

He is a Squirrel and his favourite food is nuts

What is he supposed to eat,grass.

well if you think that then you can kiss

Stuarts Squirrely little arse.

Well a Squirrel cant survive on just fresh air

He needs something to eat as long as it isn’t Dairy

or Meat.

On an adventure he sees a farmers field growing all

kind of things of many shapes and sizes.

He starts to dig and unearth what is called a Carrot.

He starts to chow down and he thinks ‘Het these things

are incredible.’

nice and sweet and really edible.

He eats about ten Carrots every day for about a month

He has noticed that his eyesight is better.

But there is a bad side effect.

He looks like he has applied a whole bottle of fake tan.

His friends are starting to call him Stuart the Orangutan.

Stuart the Squirrel is out walking the next day looking

for his next meal.

And he stumbles across a cabbage patch.

He thinks he can hear a Baby crying

A Stork is flying overhead.

But Stuart the Squirrel couldn’t care less

he just wants to be fed.

He chews into the Cabbage and the texture feels

real good on his tongue.

It brings back memories of when he was young.

When he used to squirrel away Nuts.

Now he cant eat them they give hell to his guts

He keeps on munching on the Cabbage not

knowing of the consequences.

Stuart feels a build up in his bowels that he has never

felt before.

Then lets loose a huge explosion of noxious gas.

Enough gas to power a city the size of Lahore.

Stuart is thinking maybe Carrots and Cabbage are

best eaten in moderation.

They sure do give you a pain in the guts

Stuart the Squirrel is sure missing his nuts.

Stuarts throat is dry he needs something to quench

his thirst.

Some water or maybe a glass of milk.

Then a lie down on sheets made of Silk.

But then a word comes to his mind and that word

is Lactose.

Stuart the Squirrel is Lactose intolerant.

Once again he visits that tree.

When he gets back he looks very weak

Just like his Aunties cups of tea.

They do nothing for you except make you

want to pee.

Stuart is wasting away to a shadow.

He cant find a food to eat that doesn’t have any

bad side effects.

Carrots Cabbage and Milk play havoc with his system.

He needs to find something that he can digest

He needs some words of wisdom.

So Stuart climbs to the top of a mountain and calls

out to the Squirrel God.

‘Please God give me a sign I don’t mean to complain and


‘But I am looking for a food that I can digest,so I can

give running to the tree a rest.’

Straightaway God gives his reply and a bolt of lightning

strikes from the sky.

And hits Stuart right in the nuts(isn’t that ironic).

Stuart lets out a startled squeak.

His fellas are red and burnt and a little fried.

Stuart the Squirrel is went home to his bed and cried.

The next morning Stuart is feeling better.

He has applied some lotion to the tender spot

He likes a little heat but nothing that hot.

Stuart gets out of bed in his house in the trees

His stomach is rumbling it needs some filling.

Stuart tries to ignore it he watches some TV

you know just chilling.

But the rumbling turns into a grumbling.

It wakes up the whole house.

Stuart is so desperate he would even eat a Mouse.

His Mother tells Stuart that he has to find his own tree

Make something with for life.

But first she tells him that he has to get his allergy

under control.

Find a food that your stomach can digest

Then love will take care of the rest.

Stuart wanders around the woods.

Thinking about food and where to get it.

Something like Nuts but without the reaction.

No stomach cramps  loose bowels and constipation.

He has had enough of those.

Stuart has a brain wave and off he goes.

Stuart has remembered a farmhouse that he visited

a while back.

He remembers seeing some Cereal in one of the rooms

around the back.

The Cereal was All Bran and he remembers that he liked

the smell of it.

But what about the taste will there be a reaction?

Stuart enters the house through the kitchen window

and he sees a box of  All Bran.

And he runs as fast as a Squirrel can.

He reaches in a paw and puts a few pieces of the Bran

into his mouth.

He waits then swallows.

He waits for a reaction but there isn’t any.

He waits a little longer his stomach is nice and


He really likes this place.

He could handle life on a farm.

Stuart the Squirrel now lives in the farmhouse

in the roof next to an Owl

He sneaks out at night and eats his fill his fill of

the Bran.

Keeping a wary eye out for the farmhouse man.

He is happy he has found a food that he can eat

Without any adverse affects.

Without running behind that tree.

He is now just a regular Squirrel having fun and


Cause nothing beats being regular.

You know what I am saying?


Thank you for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation to go towards my ambition to become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.