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I wrote this story a while ago
I wasn’t going to post it
but I have decided that it needs
to be read.
It is about depression
If you or anyone you know has
depression get help. I did.
I have found a favourite spot in the bush
About a 10 minute walk from my place
Where no one is around
Where no one can see my face
I call it the thinking pier
It is right on the edge of the lake
With me is my demon
I hope he doesn’t wake.
My demon lives in my head
And for most of the time he is asleep
But if I get a bad memory
thinking about the past
Then the demon awakens
I think he is here for keeps.
I call it the thinking pier
but only the stone foundations remain
I sit on the stone
and unleash the pain.
The pain in my head is a good friend of
the demons
I am hearing things
dreadful sounds I am receiving
Am I still breathing?
I sit on the thinking pier
and my tears begin to well
I do some more thinking
and my tear drops fell
Some flow into the waters of the lake
and join 10 trillion other tears
Tears of the downtrodden
that have flowed over the years
I sit there for a couple of hours or more
My mind goes back to the dark times
I think about the bad things
Then my mobile phone rings.
It is the demon calling
He tells me to do it.
Just slip into the water and float away
I don’t want to listen
but the demon has his way
When I hit the water
will I sink or float
Maybe I will be hit by the propeller of
a boat.
I make sure of things I should of worn
a heavy coat.
I sit on the thinking pier
Trying to block out the demons words
But they stick in my head
like the droppings from a thousand Birds
Man I hate those fucking words
It is getting dark
maybe I should head on home
But I wait a little longer
and then struggle my way through
the bush
If I get to close to the edge
maybe the demon will give me a push.
I sit on the thinking pier
listening to the water lap against the shore
Thinking that I really don’t want to be around
no more.
I grew up a loser
and I am still one now
No one wants to hang with me
I am always alone
Like I am right now.
I go for a walk around my suburb
I walk close to the edge of the road
Maybe I will step in front of a car
Is that a step too far?
You wont recognise me
I am nothing but road kill
It would be a bit gruesome
But also the ultimate thrill
I sit on the thinking pier
then I stand up
and I take off all of my clothes
I slip into the water
It is bloody cold
I just float
and let the tide take hold
I think about the Great White Shark
that is hanging around the lake.
Come on you motherfucker
With one bite bite me in half
then circle around and eat up the pieces
so that nothing remains
Then there is no more pain
I sit on the thinking pier
I am soaking wet
From my ugly head to my toes
Will I get through the dark times?
Well no one really knows
The demon starts to whisper
I wish I could close my ears
He whispers words
that I don’t want to hear
But then I start to listen
and I start to nod my head
And I start to agree with every word
that he said.
Piece of shit scumbag loser pretty boy
I have been called plenty of nasty names.
The really bad names I will not mention
The demon has planted the seed
Will I do the dirty deed?
That is the question
Some people think that I am gay
but I have never worn pink
But then again
I really couldn’t give a fuck
what people think.
But their words still cut deep
Maybe it is time
for the final sleep
I struggle through
just living day to day.
Wishing that the demon would just
stay away.
I might look happy on the outside
But inside I am hurting.
It sure has left a nasty impression.
This fucking depression.