Hi, My name is Mitchell Cooper and I am a professional
My friends laugh and call me Cooper The Pooper Scooper.
But that’s okay I don’t plan on being a Dog walker for much
People think that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But nothing could be further from the truth.
I live in an apartment about the size of a telephone booth.
I have been grooming clients for about two years now.
building up the trust.
Getting into their heads and into their beds
One of my clients is a widow.
She owns more cars then a car dealership
She has more jewels then the Queen
And more Dogs then a pet store.
Her name is Esme Clutterbuck.
She is Seventy years old with Purple hair and a mean
She talks to me like I am a piece of shit on her shoe.
I arrive at her beach front home I find her waiting for me.
She says to take the Dogs for a walk and when I come
back knock on the door she has a proposition for me.
After taking her Dogs for their walk I find her sitting on her
Itatian sofa.drinking a Chivas Regal on ice looking out of her
window watching the yachts on the lake.
She asks me that if I am not busy tomorrow could I drive her to
Cause the Chauffer Ghives was off sick.
She would be gone for two weeks she was going on a cruise.
Would I mind watching the house and walk and feed the Dogs?
After driving her to the airport she gave me the security code and
the keys to the house.
Without even a wave or a goodbye she was gone
I couldn’t believe my luck and I drove back to her house and let
I had plenty of time so I went exploring.
I ate her food and drank her booze.
Then I put my feet up and watched the evening news
I started to think that a lady like Mrs Clutterbuck had to
have plenty of money and jewels.
She had to have a safe.
I began by looking behind all the paintings.
But I didn’t find a thing but it isn’t over yet
I haven’t heard the fat lady sing.
Where would an old lady keep a safe?
I go to her walk in closet and I have a look around
Then I part her evening gowns.
And there on the wall I see the tumblers
That has ended my frustration now to find the combination
If you have read any Agatha Christie the combination will be in
an envelope taped under the bed side drawer
And that is where I score.
Inside an envelope is the combination 23l 2r 16l
I race back to the closet and I try the combination and the safe
door swings open.
And inside is stacks and stacks of money.
I grab for bundles and I do a quick dash.
Downstairs my heart is beating double time
I count the money 4 sacks of $20,000 that is $ 80,000
For the next two weeks I do my normal routine
I take the Dogs for a walk and do some pooper scooping
Thinking about another client who needs duping.
That client is Mrs Albright a young lady about my age
Her husband made his money on the stock exchange
And he has done very well.
Besides walking her Dogs Mrs Albright and I have been
getting it on.
I have been exploring every one of her crannys and nooks
Just like in that Karma Sutra book.
But what Mrs Albright doesn’t know is that everytime we try
a new position.
I have recorded it all on a disk.
If her husband saw us now he would just say tsk tsk
We were out walking the Dogs and of course I was using the
I suggested that hen we got home we could watch a movie
or just some TV.
Back at home we snuggle on the lounge and I press PLAY.
The look on her face is priceless
And for once she didn’t have anything to say.
She opened and closed her mouth like a Fish out of water
No words were coming out but my next words left her in
‘Give me $100,000 or I will leave a lot of clues and your husband
will receive the news.
And you will have the unfaithful blues
She just nods her head and she writes me out a cheque
I say before I go I have a sausage to hide.
Why don’t you take hold of it and we can go for a ride
She just gives me a look and points to the door.
And she says’I don’t want to see you around here no more’
Client number three is a middle aged women called Mrs Pace
She wears a lot of jewellery and a painted face.
I have been walking her Dogs for years she is a nice lady
But her husbands business dealings are somewhat shady
He will be the victim of my scam
He is not a very nice man.
But before I can begin my ruse.
I have been busted by a self inflicted fuse
It deems that Mrs Albrights cheque has bounced
And Mr Policeman is about to pounce.
The law firm of Clutterbuck Albright and Pace have found
me guilty of the charge of obtaining money by deception.
The judge said that the charges are up for mention.
The jury found me guilty and gave me five years.
I couldn’t believe it and my eyes filled with tears.
The prison van takes to my new place of abode
a cell on the penitentiary road.
The Warden puts me in charge of the prisons Dogs
And he hands me a pooper scooper
As I wander around pooper scooping
My shoulders start to droop.
But then I realise I am who I am.
I am Cooper the Pooper Scooper