All of the paperwork has gone through

And I finally get to move into my new house.

All the packing and unpacking is a bit of a pain.

But I have nothing to lose.

But plenty to gain

I can finally relax the house is mine

I am just sitting on my back verandah.

having lunch and a beer or two.

thinking about nothing

just enjoying the view.

The next day I decide to do some gardening

Rake some leaves and tidy the yard

But after I rake the leaves

up pops a Bamboo shoot.

I let out a hell of a curse

and I squash it with my gum boot.

I go to the garden shed and I get myself

some Round Up.

I will poison that Bamboo before it can grow


After giving it a good spray

I go inside for a good cup of Tea.

and maybe a little snooze

And hopefully no more Bamboo blues.

A few hours later after a good lay down

I watch some TV and eat some left over Pizza.

Then I go to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

I look out the kitchen window and I cant believe

my eyes.

That Bamboo that I sprayed earlier has grown

another two foot.

It is like I gave it fertilizer instead of poison.

I go outside and I dig up that Bamboo roots and


I give the ground another good spray

Maybe now that Bamboo will stay away.

It is time to go to bed

I set the alarm and go to sleep.

From the Bamboo

I don’t hear a peep.

I get up the next morning to go to work

But first I need a cup of Coffee to help me

start the day.

Waiting for the kettle to boil I look out of my

kitchen window.

And for the love of God that Bamboo  has

overgrown the whole backyard.

Maybe I am dreaming am I still asleep

I rub my eyes and have another look.

The yard is full of Bamboo six feet tall.

I call work and tell them that I want be in today

It looks like that Bamboo needs another spray.

I fill the container with straight Round Up

And I go to give it a dose.

But I look at that Bamboo

and I know that it sounds strange.

But the Bamboo starts to look


I feels its eyes upon me

and I realise that I am dealing with

a mutant strain.

A strain straight from hell.

I race inside before that Bamboo gets

inside my mind.

A good plant is so hard to find.

All of the excitement has gone straight

to my bowels.

And I race to the toilet.

and I grab myself a seat.

‘Oh yes that’s better’ what a relief.

Then I feel a tickle on my arse.

I look down and see a Bamboo shoot

in the water

This freaking Bamboo has no class.

I pull up my pants as fast as I can

Trying to escape Mr Bamboo Man.

I get to the bathroom door and I look

behind me.

The Bamboo is filling the whole room

It has an amazing reach.

And another thing it has grown is a set

of teeth.

Those chompers are chomping romper


They are starting to eat my house.

Like a fuel injected Bamboo infected


I don’t know what to do

I don’t know where to hide.

All that I know is that the Bamboo is

playing for the other side.

The Bamboo with the pearly whites

I s eating my house bite by bite.

But I want give up without a fight

I wonder if Mr Bamboo Man has heard

the word Dynamite.

I plant twenty sticks of Dynamite around

my house and yard

I realise that I am playing my final card.

Mr Bamboo Man doesn’t care and he gives

his chompers a floss.

But I am about to show him who is boss.

Now where did I put my matches

I need to light the fuse.

I strike the match and I blow my place

sky high.

I want to see Mr Bamboo cry

As I wave him goodbye.

I can feel the earth rumble

And I can hear Mr Bamboo Man grumble

As his little world begins to crumble.

Well the explosion was heard from twenty

miles away.

And my house disappears into a whole

bunch of splinters.

Like the ice crack of a thousand winters.

Where my house stood is now just a block of


Mr Bamboo Man is nowhere to be seen

That is the end of that nasty fiend.

I told my insurance company that Methane gas from

an old mine caused the explosion.

And after an investigation

they agreed with that notion.

After all what else could it be?

I now have a new home

I am stress and Bamboo free

A whole new life in front of me.

Bamboo shoots and Bamboo teeth

are a thing of the past

I am now free at last.