Bertie the Seagull is getting too big for his feathers

He hangs around his local beach in all types of weathers

Sunshine or rain he doesn’t care if his feathers get wet

Bertie loves his food he will eat anything he can get

Anything will do but his favourite is hot chips

Even thinking about them will add inchs to his hips

He had his first taste of chips when he was just a chick

Now they are a habit that he just cant kick

Crispy on the outside fluffy within bertie just cant help


He would even fly into a store and take them straight

off the shelf

Bertie knows that he has a problem his bathroom mirror

doesn’t lie

He is getting a little gut he can barely walk let alone fly

He remembers the morning when he went to the mirror

and had a look

And he saw that he has more chins then a Chinese

telephone book

Bertie decides that he needs help with his situation

He knows that all he has to do is resist temptation

But those goddamn chips taste so salty and good

He knows that he has to eat better

If only he could

On his way to see his Doctor Bretie stops off at the


Hopefully he will find a chip within easy reach

Just then he sees a kid eating chips out of a little bucket

He knows he shouldn’t but ‘fuck it’

He swoops down and grabs a chip out of the kids hand

He eats it inflight he doesn’t even land

He arrives at the Doctors to get the help he needs

Hopefully the Doctor will be quick so he can go and get a feed

The Doctor says to’Cut out the chips and saturated fats and eat

more oily Fish

Bertie knows that he only has one wish

He wishes that the world was one giant hot chip

A few weeks later Bertie goes back to his mirror for another look

He cant believe his eyes he is at a lose

He doesn’t look like a Seagull more like a freaking Albatross

It is like his mirror is a magnifying glass

He has a big stomach and an even bigger arse

Bertie rubs his eyes he cant believe what he is seeing

How can something that tastes so good be so bad for you

Bertie knows exactly what he has to do

He has to go on a diet he has to lose some weight

He has to do it now before it is too late

No more Pies Sausage Rolls Dim Sims and especially

those dreaded Hot Chips

None of that bad stuff will ever again pass his lips

Or in Berties case beak

Seagulls don’t have lips

But they sure do like Hot Chips

Bertie starts an exercise regime

He wants to get buff he wants to get lean

He goes on long flights he lives his life on the wing

He breathes the fresh air and hardly eats a thing

Bertie joins a gym and bought himself a muscle shirt

He lifts weights until his muscles hurt

Bertie became the leanest keenest Seagull in the neighbourhood

He is feeling proud of himself he is feeling good

To celebrate his newfound foray into the world of fitness

Bertie decides to go for a dip

And as God is my witness he swims straight into a water logged

Hot Chip

Berties mind is racing his Heart skips a beat

As he eyes his favourite treat

Then his nose gets a whiff of that tiny morsel

The aroma of the French Frie

Bertie tries to ignore the smell of that fried piece of spud

It is like Potato has become his best bud

Bertie opens his beak and the Chip slides on past

Temptation has been resisted

Bertie starts to swim mighty fast in the opposite direction

Now Bertie knows that he has the strength to resist

But from now on he will eat nothing but fresh Fish

Bertie soars with the breeze his head is held high

Bertie is the proudest Seagull in the sky.