I live in the Northern Territory on the edge of Kakadu

National Park.

Where the Aboriginals paint their dot art on Coolabar


My home is a mobile one I call it ‘The Shack’

It is the most run down piece of crap in the whole


But I call it home and it has been for fifty years or


I have nothing worth stealing so I don’t even bother

to lock my door.

My most prized possession lives around the back

In a fenced off Lagoon a little ways down the track

I am talking about my pet Crocodile that I have named

Captain Crunch

Crunch is the sound that you hear when he bites on some


or cracks open a skull

Captain Crunch is many things but he is never dull

Captain Crunch loves his lunch and he is never late

for dinner

He is partial to a midnight snack

If Captain Crunch had his way he would eat 24 hours

a day

I have owned Captain Crunch for forty years since I was ten

years of age

Now he is Five metres long and full of rage

I walk down the track to where Captain Crunch is waiting

for his meal

Everyone loves their dinner I know just how he feels

His meal today is Kangaroo road kill

Captain Crunch comes rushing out of the water like a

locomotive speeding down a hill

Wham and the Roo is ripped apart in a death spin

In just three bites he swallows down his din din

By the way my name is Arthur ‘Mongrel’ McKnight

I have a patch over my left eye courtesy of a pub fight

I love living in the Territory with its long Red sunsets

Watching the fishermen cast out their fishing nets

But it is now the start of the wet season

Things are going to get wet which stands to reason

I lay in my bed listening to the rain hit my tin roof

Shit I forgot to close the front window I feel like a

bit of a goof

Christ it is really coming down it is raining Cats and Dogs

Good weather for Ducks and little Green Frogs

In the  morning I wake up and my mobile home is floating

I really do need a Coffee before I go boating

But there is no time to put the kettle on as the landscape

flashes past

I really wish that my mobile home had a sail and a freaking


It is a short trip as I crash into the river bank just before my

home sank

I guess it is god that I really should thank

I inspect the damage and everything looks good

touch wood

What the weather couldn’t do a Crocodile could

Captain Crunch has escaped he is on the loose

Just like the proverbial going through a Goose

Just what the Territory needs a rouge Croc in the


Just like Steve Irwin and the barb from a Stingray

A deadly combination of bad luck and being in the

wrong place at the wrong time

Like needing a Quarter but all you have is a Dime

A few days later a tourist goes missing just a mile

from my home

All they found was some car keys and a mobile phone

I guess that Captain Crunch has had a snack

That tourist is never coming back

I walk up and down the river bank calling out Captain

Crunches name

I called out for a week but he never came

Then a notice a local boy swimming from one side to the


He is trying to reach the safety of his Mother

Then he starts to struggle and I think that he is going to drown

Then I hear an eerie splashing sound

Captain Crunch is heading the boys way like a torpedo

Before I know it I have stripped down to my Speedos

But before I can jump in Captain Crunch has the boy in his jaws

I expect to hear a crunching sound and see some blood and gore

But all Captain Crunch does is carry the boy to the river bank

And then he spits him out onto the dirt

The boy runs away he isn’t even hurt

So Captain Crunch has a soft side who would have thought

that was possible

A Crocodile has just done the impossible

He has just saved a life instead of ending one

Captain Crunch swims past me with a glint in his eye

Jesus did he just give me a wink?

A soft sided Crocodile what will people think?

It turns out that the missing tourist has committed suicide

A note was found at her place

But no trace of her has ever been found

Another person who couldn’t live on the not so merry

go round

Captain Crunch is still out there somewhere

The King of the river the king of the creek

He is wary of the strong but will save the weak

So if you ever visit the Territory keep an eye out for Captain Crunch

But just be careful that he doesn’t have you for lunch

Afew days later