The Asshole lives on Park Avenue

In a Penthouse overlooking Central Park

He wears designer clothes and

drinks Makers Mark

He lives so high up

He can almost touch the Stars

He owns lots of fancy cars

He sits on an Italian settee admiring the view

He only thinks about himself

He would never think about you

He gets a servant to run him a Bath

He lays there washing his troubles away

What troubles? he has never worked a day

in his life

The heaviest thing that he has lifted is a butter knife

Besides the Servant he also employs a Chaffeur  a Chef

and a Maid

They are all overworked and underpaid

The Maid is the Assholes favourite

He sometimes demands some favours

He gets her naked and tastes her many flavours

The Asshole knows that she doesn’t like it

But he is the master and she is the slave

So she keeps her Mouth shut and behaves

He has no time for other peoples wants and


They all live in the Basement

While he lives on the ceiling

Today is Tuesday the day he gets a manicure

He will have to mingle with the common people

they can be such a bore

The Asshole tells his Chaffeur Maurice to bring the

Daimler to the front door

He slides in and looks straight ahead

So that he can ignore the poor

They arrive downtown and Maurice scampers around

like a good Chaffeur should

He opens the car door

then stands there like a lump of wood

The Asshole doesn’t even acknowledge Maurice as he

steps out into the crowd

Why don’t people get out of his way

for crying out loud

Don’t they know who he is?

Cant they see that he is important?

His business is more urgent then theirs

And those crazy people peddling their wares

Arriving at the Manicurist the Asshole he wipes

down the seat

You never know what Germs other people carry


He gets his manicure without making a sound

He has no time for small talk and hearing about

other peoples troubles and woes

He just pays his money and gets up and goes

The Asshole gets outside and he is confronted by

a Gulf War Veteran holding up a sign ‘Can you spare

a buck for a Vet down on his luck?’

The Asshole replies with  ‘What the fuck? Get away from

me you worthless piece of shit I can smell you from here’

‘Go and have a wash and buy some decent clothes’

You beggars get right up my Nose’

The Veteran is stunned and his Eyes fill with tears

He just sits there watching the Asshole walk away

He has given his nation great service for many years

This Asshole will have his day

The Vet gets to his Feet with a determined look on his face

And he starts to follow the Asshole but he makes sure that

he isn’t seen

The Asshole has no idea who is on his case

Cause this Vet is a killing machine

His speciality was getting behind enemy lines to cut

off communications

Knives Garrottes he would use anything to achieve a

silent kill

Some of his methods aren’t sanctioned by the United


But he did what he did

And good old Uncle Sam paid all the bill

He notices the Asshole climb into the back seat of a big

fancy Car

Then he memorises the licence

Then he heads off to his favourite Bar

To meet his contact retired Detective De Latte

But first he takes the Assholes advice and he heads to

his Hostel room

For a change of clothes and a shower

Then it is time to meet a Det down on his luck

He used to hold a position of power

Now he lives at the bottom of a bottle

and doesn’t give a fuck

And sure enough even though it is only 10am the

Detective is sitting on his favourite stool

A glass of Whiskey grasped tightly in his Hand

This Detective was once nobodies fool

Now he is just a shadow of a Man

The Vet asks the Detective to run the Assholes plate

He needs the Assholes name and address

And he needs it straightaway

Cause this disrespectful Asshole has a big price to pay

The Assholes name is Marc Andrew Colhuon

Of Colhoun Gas & Oil

The Assholes life is now like a bowl of Milk left on the


It is about to spoil

The Vet remembers his time in the Gulf War

Where he found what a pair of Pliers are best used for

Extracting Fingernails Toenails or snipping off the tip of

the Tongue

Tied to a Chair those prisoners died forever young

Maybe that is what this Asshole deserves

Some pain and sorrow

A Knife in the Guts a Bullet in the Kneecap

For him there are no more tomorrows

He will take his final nap

But that would be too quick

He wants this Asshole to suffer for years and years

The way that he talks to people

Is enough to make you sick

It is time that he wept ‘where did the money go’ tears

But first he has to get the Assholes hired help out of

the way

So he gets his favourite Detective to tell the Chaffeur

Chef and Maid that they have two months off on full pay

It is finally fucking time that this Asshole paid

So at 3am the Vet breaks into the Assholes Apartment

And he steals the Assholes tablet and laptop

In the morning the Asshole will wonder where his devices went

And the Vet is sure the Asshole wont be calling any Cop

At 9am the Asshole finally rolls out of bed

He doesn’t work he lives off his families wealth and money

He goes to the Bathroom scratching his head

He is glad he lives in the land of Milk and Honey

He calls out to the Maid that he is waiting for his cup of Cappucino

But there is no answer coming from the Kitchen

He runs around the Apartment like a demented Al Pacino

He cant believe the Maid has taken a day off

He screams moaning and bitching

And where is the Chef? He should be preparing the meals

He is tired of waiting so he calls to Maurice to bring the Car


But there is no answer

Where is everybody? Is this for real?

The Asshole doesn’t know what to do

He owns a Daimler but he cant drive

He cant function without people attending to his needs

But first he needs some Caffiene to stay alive

Then he will go home and call the hand that feeds

After his Coffee fix the Asshole arrives back home

Then he notices the empty space where his tablet and

laptop should be

He feels like a Dog who has lost his Bone

Dear God why me? why me?

The Vet has been busy

He has recruited a Computer and Financial expert to

examine all of the Assholes Bank and Credit Card Accounts

And then like a Pea they are frozen

The Vet would sure like to see the look on the Assholes face

when he realises that he is no longer one of the chosen

Then the Vet decides that frozen is not enough

He wants the Assholes Accounts thawed out and completely

emptied except for one dollar

Lets see if the Asshole can get down and tough

Or just a little under the collar

Then he recruits a digital photo enhancer

He can place a head on any body recreate any scene

So he puts the Assholes face on a pedophiles body

Having sex with an underage Boy

That should take the smile off the Assholes face

And bring an end to his joy

The photo is downloaded to the Assholes mobile phone

With instructions ‘Don’t call the Police or Daddy or this photo

will see the light of day’

Now lets see what the Asshole has to do or say

At that moment the Asshole is sitting on a park bench

wondering why is his life unravelling?

Then his Mobile vibrates in his pocket

He answers and sees the photo and instructions

His Eyes nearly pop out of their sockets

Surely that is not him? It must be a lookalike an imposter

The Asshole knows that he has never had Sex with a


He knows that he isn’t the best person

But he isn’t a perverted monster

He needs a Beer to help calm his nerves

So he goes to the nearest Bar and orders a Millers Lite

Whoever is fucking with him can go fly a Kite

After a dozen Beers he the Asshole goes to pay the tab

But his Credit card is denied

If the Asshole had a Heart he would of cried

Lucky he has enough money in his pocket to pay for

the Beers

The Asshole is down but he will not cry any tears

It is still light when he hoes outside trying to figure out

what to do

He knows that the instructions said not to go to the Police

or Daddy

And right now he is deep in the poo

Right where an Asshole should be

So he arrives at Daddies place unannounced

Daddy opens the door with a look of horror on his face

The Assholes Heart starts to skip and bounce

Daddy just says ‘Get the fuck away from this place’

The Asshole is dumbfounded as he hears Daddies cruel


Then Daddy holds up his phone and the Asshole can see

that nasty picture

Daddy tells him that he is not to come  around no more

He has put a dark stain on the families name

The Asshole hangs his Head he has reached the end of

the game

He storms off and walks back to his Apartment

A two mile walk

Arriving at his address he is greeted by the Doorman

Who tells him that he no longer has access to his


His Daddy has revoked the Lease

The Asshole is now Homeless Penniless and Hopeless

The Asshole wanders around in a daze surely this cant be


But it is and it is for real

Now the Asshole has no choice but to Beg Borrow or Steal

Six Months later in a homeless shelter

The Asshole is drinking his watery Soup

Every part of his Body is starting to sag and droop

His mind has snapped he is starting to have delusions

Maybe by this time tomorrow it will all be just an illusion

The Vet is pleaded with himself he has brought the Asshole

to his Knees

He would never forgive him even if he said pretty please

A few harsh words that is all that the Asshole said

Now there is a big empty space deep inside his Head

In the shelter a transformation is taking place

The Asshole is literally turning into an Asshole

He is starting to nestle in between the cheeks even as we


Now he lives where the Sun don’t shine

He was never a friend of yours

And he sure as fuck isn’t no friend of mine

So go ahead Asshole and do what an Asshole does

Just pucker

You Goddamn Motherfucking piece of shit Motherfucker.


Thanks again for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you can please make a donation so i can achieve my goal and become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.