The Asshole lives on Park Avenue
In a Penthouse overlooking Central Park
He wears designer clothes and
drinks Makers Mark
He lives so high up
He can almost touch the Stars
He owns lots of fancy cars
He sits on an Italian settee admiring the view
He only thinks about himself
He would never think about you
He gets a servant to run him a Bath
He lays there washing his troubles away
What troubles? he has never worked a day
in his life
The heaviest thing that he has lifted is a butter knife
Besides the Servant he also employs a Chaffeur a Chef
and a Maid
They are all overworked and underpaid
The Maid is the Assholes favourite
He sometimes demands some favours
He gets her naked and tastes her many flavours
The Asshole knows that she doesn’t like it
But he is the master and she is the slave
So she keeps her Mouth shut and behaves
He has no time for other peoples wants and
feelings
They all live in the Basement
While he lives on the ceiling
Today is Tuesday the day he gets a manicure
He will have to mingle with the common people
they can be such a bore
The Asshole tells his Chaffeur Maurice to bring the
Daimler to the front door
He slides in and looks straight ahead
So that he can ignore the poor
They arrive downtown and Maurice scampers around
like a good Chaffeur should
He opens the car door
then stands there like a lump of wood
The Asshole doesn’t even acknowledge Maurice as he
steps out into the crowd
Why don’t people get out of his way
for crying out loud
Don’t they know who he is?
Cant they see that he is important?
His business is more urgent then theirs
And those crazy people peddling their wares
Arriving at the Manicurist the Asshole he wipes
down the seat
You never know what Germs other people carry
around
He gets his manicure without making a sound
He has no time for small talk and hearing about
other peoples troubles and woes
He just pays his money and gets up and goes
The Asshole gets outside and he is confronted by
a Gulf War Veteran holding up a sign ‘Can you spare
a buck for a Vet down on his luck?’
The Asshole replies with ‘What the fuck? Get away from
me you worthless piece of shit I can smell you from here’
‘Go and have a wash and buy some decent clothes’
You beggars get right up my Nose’
The Veteran is stunned and his Eyes fill with tears
He just sits there watching the Asshole walk away
He has given his nation great service for many years
This Asshole will have his day
The Vet gets to his Feet with a determined look on his face
And he starts to follow the Asshole but he makes sure that
he isn’t seen
The Asshole has no idea who is on his case
Cause this Vet is a killing machine
His speciality was getting behind enemy lines to cut
off communications
Knives Garrottes he would use anything to achieve a
silent kill
Some of his methods aren’t sanctioned by the United
Nations
But he did what he did
And good old Uncle Sam paid all the bill
He notices the Asshole climb into the back seat of a big
fancy Car
Then he memorises the licence
Then he heads off to his favourite Bar
To meet his contact retired Detective De Latte
But first he takes the Assholes advice and he heads to
his Hostel room
For a change of clothes and a shower
Then it is time to meet a Det down on his luck
He used to hold a position of power
Now he lives at the bottom of a bottle
and doesn’t give a fuck
And sure enough even though it is only 10am the
Detective is sitting on his favourite stool
A glass of Whiskey grasped tightly in his Hand
This Detective was once nobodies fool
Now he is just a shadow of a Man
The Vet asks the Detective to run the Assholes plate
He needs the Assholes name and address
And he needs it straightaway
Cause this disrespectful Asshole has a big price to pay
The Assholes name is Marc Andrew Colhuon
Of Colhoun Gas & Oil
The Assholes life is now like a bowl of Milk left on the
bench
It is about to spoil
The Vet remembers his time in the Gulf War
Where he found what a pair of Pliers are best used for
Extracting Fingernails Toenails or snipping off the tip of
the Tongue
Tied to a Chair those prisoners died forever young
Maybe that is what this Asshole deserves
Some pain and sorrow
A Knife in the Guts a Bullet in the Kneecap
For him there are no more tomorrows
He will take his final nap
But that would be too quick
He wants this Asshole to suffer for years and years
The way that he talks to people
Is enough to make you sick
It is time that he wept ‘where did the money go’ tears
But first he has to get the Assholes hired help out of
the way
So he gets his favourite Detective to tell the Chaffeur
Chef and Maid that they have two months off on full pay
It is finally fucking time that this Asshole paid
So at 3am the Vet breaks into the Assholes Apartment
And he steals the Assholes tablet and laptop
In the morning the Asshole will wonder where his devices went
And the Vet is sure the Asshole wont be calling any Cop
At 9am the Asshole finally rolls out of bed
He doesn’t work he lives off his families wealth and money
He goes to the Bathroom scratching his head
He is glad he lives in the land of Milk and Honey
He calls out to the Maid that he is waiting for his cup of Cappucino
But there is no answer coming from the Kitchen
He runs around the Apartment like a demented Al Pacino
He cant believe the Maid has taken a day off
He screams moaning and bitching
And where is the Chef? He should be preparing the meals
He is tired of waiting so he calls to Maurice to bring the Car
around
But there is no answer
Where is everybody? Is this for real?
The Asshole doesn’t know what to do
He owns a Daimler but he cant drive
He cant function without people attending to his needs
But first he needs some Caffiene to stay alive
Then he will go home and call the hand that feeds
After his Coffee fix the Asshole arrives back home
Then he notices the empty space where his tablet and
laptop should be
He feels like a Dog who has lost his Bone
Dear God why me? why me?
The Vet has been busy
He has recruited a Computer and Financial expert to
examine all of the Assholes Bank and Credit Card Accounts
And then like a Pea they are frozen
The Vet would sure like to see the look on the Assholes face
when he realises that he is no longer one of the chosen
Then the Vet decides that frozen is not enough
He wants the Assholes Accounts thawed out and completely
emptied except for one dollar
Lets see if the Asshole can get down and tough
Or just a little under the collar
Then he recruits a digital photo enhancer
He can place a head on any body recreate any scene
So he puts the Assholes face on a pedophiles body
Having sex with an underage Boy
That should take the smile off the Assholes face
And bring an end to his joy
The photo is downloaded to the Assholes mobile phone
With instructions ‘Don’t call the Police or Daddy or this photo
will see the light of day’
Now lets see what the Asshole has to do or say
At that moment the Asshole is sitting on a park bench
wondering why is his life unravelling?
Then his Mobile vibrates in his pocket
He answers and sees the photo and instructions
His Eyes nearly pop out of their sockets
Surely that is not him? It must be a lookalike an imposter
The Asshole knows that he has never had Sex with a
minor
He knows that he isn’t the best person
But he isn’t a perverted monster
He needs a Beer to help calm his nerves
So he goes to the nearest Bar and orders a Millers Lite
Whoever is fucking with him can go fly a Kite
After a dozen Beers he the Asshole goes to pay the tab
But his Credit card is denied
If the Asshole had a Heart he would of cried
Lucky he has enough money in his pocket to pay for
the Beers
The Asshole is down but he will not cry any tears
It is still light when he hoes outside trying to figure out
what to do
He knows that the instructions said not to go to the Police
or Daddy
And right now he is deep in the poo
Right where an Asshole should be
So he arrives at Daddies place unannounced
Daddy opens the door with a look of horror on his face
The Assholes Heart starts to skip and bounce
Daddy just says ‘Get the fuck away from this place’
The Asshole is dumbfounded as he hears Daddies cruel
words
Then Daddy holds up his phone and the Asshole can see
that nasty picture
Daddy tells him that he is not to come around no more
He has put a dark stain on the families name
The Asshole hangs his Head he has reached the end of
the game
He storms off and walks back to his Apartment
A two mile walk
Arriving at his address he is greeted by the Doorman
Who tells him that he no longer has access to his
residence
His Daddy has revoked the Lease
The Asshole is now Homeless Penniless and Hopeless
The Asshole wanders around in a daze surely this cant be
happening
But it is and it is for real
Now the Asshole has no choice but to Beg Borrow or Steal
Six Months later in a homeless shelter
The Asshole is drinking his watery Soup
Every part of his Body is starting to sag and droop
His mind has snapped he is starting to have delusions
Maybe by this time tomorrow it will all be just an illusion
The Vet is pleaded with himself he has brought the Asshole
to his Knees
He would never forgive him even if he said pretty please
A few harsh words that is all that the Asshole said
Now there is a big empty space deep inside his Head
In the shelter a transformation is taking place
The Asshole is literally turning into an Asshole
He is starting to nestle in between the cheeks even as we
speak
Now he lives where the Sun don’t shine
He was never a friend of yours
And he sure as fuck isn’t no friend of mine
So go ahead Asshole and do what an Asshole does
Just pucker
You Goddamn Motherfucking piece of shit Motherfucker.
THE END.
Thanks again for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you can please make a donation so i can achieve my goal and become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.
Fascinating! I love this!
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