There is a new Superhero in your neighbourhood

He stands for everything that is pure and good

So if you are in need of a protection plan

You cant go past the Condom Man

He is sleek and rubbery

Ideal for any circumstance

So if you are getting hot and bothered don’t take

the chance

The Condom Man will get you out of trouble

So give him a call on the double

He might be thin and pliable

But the Condom Man will never break

So if you are ever in a dicey situation

Give him a call for goodness sake

The Condom Man gets around in the Prophylactic


It is shiny and Black a sight to be seen

All lubed up with White wall tyres

Condom Man will ruin the drug dealers

And save all the drug buyers

Condom Man started off by placing an ad in the Yellow


He is full if Testosterone and rages

He wants to save the world one crime at a time

He will rid the streets of all the vermin and grime

At the start the phone didn’t exactly ring off the hook

He couldn’t catch a cold let alone a crook

Then the phone rang some trouble with the local kids

He answers the phone and puts in a bid

He gets the job and drives to the scene

In his latex suit

He looks like a little White Submarine

The Condom Man will enter any crack or hole

Like a Soul destroying heat seeking Mole

He will flush out the culprits and give them a good

dressing down

Like a demented Ronald Macdonald Clown

Well the Kids are all scared out of there wits

Some of them aren’t even old enough to have any zits

But as soon as they see the white tubed wonder from

Down Under

They all do a Men At Work and start to chunder

The Condom Man is glad that he was able to help the

Kids to the straight and narrow

Some of them were so scared he froze their Bone Marrow

The people from the local Neighbourhood Watch are


The Condom Man is also proud his juices are flowing

But they are all contained in the Glove of Love and desire

The Condom Mans spirits are soaring higher and higher

The Condom Mans first assignment was a complete success

He polished his Cape and passed the test

Batman and Spiderman are both looking over their shoulders

At this new Superhero with a huge set of boulders

But one job doesn’t make a career

Where does the Condom Man go from here?

The phone rings again a Teenager has fallen Twenty Metres

down a Cliff

The Condom Man  has gone from buff to biff

Or is it biff to buff/

Who gives a fuck the Condom Man is mighty tough

The Condom Man arrives at the scene in the Prophylactic Machine

He is nervous and kind of edgy

He feels like Spiderman has snuck up behind him and given him

an Atomic wedgy

But the Condom Man soon regains his cool and composure

He has to reach the Teen before he dies from exposure

So he deflates himself and slides on down nice and easy

Just like a Baby Squid easy peasy

The Teenager starts to hyperventilate

So the Condom Man starts to reinflate

And the Teenager rises like he has been reincarnated

Back from the dead recreated

As he reaches the top the Paramedics are on standby

The Teen is okay he doesn’t even cry

They do a quick check and then send him on his way

The Condom Man has arrived and he is here to stay

Nobody knows who the Condom Man really is

Nobody knows his name

He is the modern day Clark Kent

Nobody knows where he came from

Nobody knows where he has been

He isn’t Batman

So he doesn’t live in a Cave

He isn’t Superman

So he isn’t afraid of Kryptonite

He is the Condom Man

Ready to fight the fight anytime day or night

He lives beneath the Socks in the Bedroom Dresser


Sometimes when he is used he is thrown all messed up

to the bedroom floor

But there will always be a Condom Man

They come in a pack of Ten

Regular large or ribbed the Condom Man comes in all sizes

And the Condom Man is reliable so there will be no nasty surprises

The Condom Man has got you covered in more ways then you know

He is looking out for you wherever you may go

The Condom Man is your number one protection plan

He is your own personal Superhero

So now your worries are now down to zero

The Condom Man is there for you when you go to bed

So give him a go and cover your little Head


Thank you for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so that i can reach my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.