There is a new Superhero in your neighbourhood
He stands for everything that is pure and good
So if you are in need of a protection plan
You cant go past the Condom Man
He is sleek and rubbery
Ideal for any circumstance
So if you are getting hot and bothered don’t take
the chance
The Condom Man will get you out of trouble
So give him a call on the double
He might be thin and pliable
But the Condom Man will never break
So if you are ever in a dicey situation
Give him a call for goodness sake
The Condom Man gets around in the Prophylactic
Machine
It is shiny and Black a sight to be seen
All lubed up with White wall tyres
Condom Man will ruin the drug dealers
And save all the drug buyers
Condom Man started off by placing an ad in the Yellow
pages
He is full if Testosterone and rages
He wants to save the world one crime at a time
He will rid the streets of all the vermin and grime
At the start the phone didn’t exactly ring off the hook
He couldn’t catch a cold let alone a crook
Then the phone rang some trouble with the local kids
He answers the phone and puts in a bid
He gets the job and drives to the scene
In his latex suit
He looks like a little White Submarine
The Condom Man will enter any crack or hole
Like a Soul destroying heat seeking Mole
He will flush out the culprits and give them a good
dressing down
Like a demented Ronald Macdonald Clown
Well the Kids are all scared out of there wits
Some of them aren’t even old enough to have any zits
But as soon as they see the white tubed wonder from
Down Under
They all do a Men At Work and start to chunder
The Condom Man is glad that he was able to help the
Kids to the straight and narrow
Some of them were so scared he froze their Bone Marrow
The people from the local Neighbourhood Watch are
glowing
The Condom Man is also proud his juices are flowing
But they are all contained in the Glove of Love and desire
The Condom Mans spirits are soaring higher and higher
The Condom Mans first assignment was a complete success
He polished his Cape and passed the test
Batman and Spiderman are both looking over their shoulders
At this new Superhero with a huge set of boulders
But one job doesn’t make a career
Where does the Condom Man go from here?
The phone rings again a Teenager has fallen Twenty Metres
down a Cliff
The Condom Man has gone from buff to biff
Or is it biff to buff/
Who gives a fuck the Condom Man is mighty tough
The Condom Man arrives at the scene in the Prophylactic Machine
He is nervous and kind of edgy
He feels like Spiderman has snuck up behind him and given him
an Atomic wedgy
But the Condom Man soon regains his cool and composure
He has to reach the Teen before he dies from exposure
So he deflates himself and slides on down nice and easy
Just like a Baby Squid easy peasy
The Teenager starts to hyperventilate
So the Condom Man starts to reinflate
And the Teenager rises like he has been reincarnated
Back from the dead recreated
As he reaches the top the Paramedics are on standby
The Teen is okay he doesn’t even cry
They do a quick check and then send him on his way
The Condom Man has arrived and he is here to stay
Nobody knows who the Condom Man really is
Nobody knows his name
He is the modern day Clark Kent
Nobody knows where he came from
Nobody knows where he has been
He isn’t Batman
So he doesn’t live in a Cave
He isn’t Superman
So he isn’t afraid of Kryptonite
He is the Condom Man
Ready to fight the fight anytime day or night
He lives beneath the Socks in the Bedroom Dresser
drawer
Sometimes when he is used he is thrown all messed up
to the bedroom floor
But there will always be a Condom Man
They come in a pack of Ten
Regular large or ribbed the Condom Man comes in all sizes
And the Condom Man is reliable so there will be no nasty surprises
The Condom Man has got you covered in more ways then you know
He is looking out for you wherever you may go
The Condom Man is your number one protection plan
He is your own personal Superhero
So now your worries are now down to zero
The Condom Man is there for you when you go to bed
So give him a go and cover your little Head
