On Saturday mornings before I do my shopping
And run some errands
I like to go to the garage sales in my neighbourhood
I usually look for CDs Books and Plants
But sometimes I spend more Money then I should
On this particular Saturday morning
I slept in and was I was running a bit late
If you don’t get there early
The good stuff will already have been sold
But a bargain can still be had
You just have to sort through the good from the bad
I was looking at the selection on the Two Dollar Table
When out of the corner of my Eye
I spotted this Bottle shaped Lamp
Well I caught my breath and my Hands got all sweaty
Surely it couldn’t be?
This was exactly the same as the Lamp on that old TV show
‘I Dream Of Jeannie’
It was about 16 inches tall with a Glass Stopper
A Bargain for any savvy shopper
I couldn’t believe my Eyes
But I tried to stay calm
I grabbed that Lamp paid my Two Dollars
And I got out of there as fast as I could
Just like any bargain hunter would
Well I did my shopping and my errands
And then I drove home on Auto Pilot
My thoughts were consumed by that Lamp
My Hands were still shaking and damp
I could barely grip the Steering Wheel
Cause a Genie In A Lamp is a very big deal
God my Car is slower then a three legged Turtle
I only bought it cause I like the colour Purple
I am being overtaken by Pedestrians and a Guy
on a Bike
That Guy is a neighbour I think his name is Mike
Well I finally arrive home
I carry my shopping and that Lamp into my place
My Heart is beating double time
My breathing can barely keep pace
But first I unpack my shopping and change my Clothes
What is inside that Lamp?
Well nobody really knows
I cant take the tension anymore
So I go and lock all of the Doors
And then I pick up that Lamp
I grip it so tightly I get a freaking cramp
I take off the Stopper and peer into the opening
My nerves are shot
And my Eyes aren’t coping
It is dark inside like Aladdins Cave
But someone is down there giving me a little wave
So I put the Lamp on the Kitchen Table
And I start rubbing
And then the Room fills with Smoke
And out pops this weird little old Bloke
Where is Barbara Eden when you need her?
Instead I am stuck with this skinny old Cur
He looks a bit like Uriah Heep or maybe Ebenezer
Scrooge
Just my luck
Now I have got the Genie In A Lamp blues
He is dressed like a cross between Marcel Marceu and a
Circus Acrobat
He sticks out his Hand
And tells me that his name is Blat
Well I guess beggars cant be choosers
Who cares if the Genie is young or old
I am just lucky he has arrived into my fold
The Elderly are always calmer and wiser
I just hope that my Genie isn’t a money miser
I tell Blat that I was expecting a Genie of the Female
persuasion
He said to ‘Just relax and enjoy the occasion’
Blat tells that he has been a Genie for one hundred
generations or more
But who is really keeping score
He thinks he was born in Romania Bulgaria or maybe
The Balkans
Jesus Blat sure does a lot of talking
I wish he would shut up and grant me my wishes
While he is talking I go and wash the dishes
When I return Blat is no longer around
Then from the Lamp I hear a little sound
I hold the Lamp up to my Ear
And then I look down the Neck
And can see Blat picking up some scatter Cushions
And maybe a Magic Wand?
I want my three wishes
But I don’t want to keep pushing
Blat arranges the Cushions
And he sits in a cross legged pose
I hope I come out of this smelling like a Rose?
But I have a feeling that Blat is stalling
I think that my wishes might be free falling
Blat looks me right in the Eye
And he says that he has a confession to make
He is a Charleton a complete fake
He is only filling in while his niece is on Holidays
The working conditions are bad
But it really pays
So there are no three wishes for me
No Millions of Dollars
No living forever
No endless supply of my favourite Beer
If Blat cant give me any Christmas cheer
He might as well get the fuck out of here
Blat is full of apologises that he cant grant me my wishes
But these things are sometimes hits or misses
He tells me to just leave the Lamp on the Table
And in the Morning He and the Lamp will be gone
Then he gives me a hug goodbye
And then He is gone in a puff of smoke
Even though he couldn’t grant me my wishes
Blat wasn’t such a bad Bloke
I pick up the Lamp and I have one last look inside
Blat is sitting there all sad and lonely
I nearly cried
It isn’t his fault that he was just Holiday relief
What goes around comes around
That is my belief
Blat was true to his word
Cause in the morning the Lamp had disappeared
And there was static in the air that felt kind of weird
I got Goosebumps my Skin started to tingle
Maybe next time I will meet Blats Niece
And hopefully She will be single
I still go to the garage sales every Saturday morning
In the hope of finding that Lamp again
I feel empty
Like I am in mourning
I will find that Goddamn Lamp again
Any which way I can.