For my Annual Holidays I decided to hire a Metal
Go out to the middle of nowhere.
And make my fortune in Gold.
Or Silver Opals or Diamonds Or maybe I will find some
Or maybe I will find a Shit load of Gold Coins way in the
back of a Cave.
Jesus I am Daydreaming again.
So I tell my imagination to behave.
So I hire a Metal Detector.
And on my adventure I go.
As I drive I dream about Pirates Buccaneers.
And old wooden Ships.
Plus a cranky old Captain with a Parrot on His Shoulder.
I Dream about finding my fortune.
And a Gold Nugget as big as a Boulder.
So after driving for two days I finally reach my Destination.
I little place in Queensland called Cassowary Hideaway.
I find myself a little Bungalow.
And book in for a week long stay.
Early the next morning I drive into Town to pick up some
And while I am there I buy some Maps.
I ask the Newsagent if He has any Treasure Maps.
Preferably one where X marks the spot.
Only joking haha.
Well the Newsagent doesn’t get my sense of humour.
He looks at Me like I am some Loco from the South.
I can see that My charm isn’t working.
So for a change I just shut My Mouth.
Well the Locals sure are friendly I feel right at Home.
I buy the Maps and then go to the Grocery Store for some
Food and Water.
Then I jump into my 4WD to start My Detecting.
I just hope that my directions don’t need correcting.
But before I head off inland.
I decide to give My Detector a trial run on the Beach.
So I walk up and down the Sand.
Waving that thing back and forth.
And right away it goes odd with the pinging sound
But a couple of Hours.
All I got for my trouble was a rusty old Horse Shoe Car
Keys a few Coins and a cast iron Camp Fire Pan.
I hope that I have better luck Tomorrow.
When I travel deep into the Hinterland.
I wake early the next Morning.
And after a breakfast of Bacon and Emu Eggs.
I set off for a five hour drive.
But if I stumble across a likely looking spot.
I will stop and check it out.
And after two hours that is exactly what happened.
I like the look of a little clearing beside a trickle of
Hopefully My Metal Detector will go ballistic.
And I will make My Fortune before the end of the Week.
After setting up all of my Camping gear.
It is time to take in My surroundings.
So I grab my Detector and go on a walk about.
Well I walk around for Hours.
And the only thing that I Detect.
Is that the Clouds have turned dark and gloomy.
So I hurry back to my Four Person Tent.
And for one Person it is nice and roomy.
As I sit there watching the Rain coming down.
Enjoying a cold Beer or Two.
Then My Mind starts to wander.
As I look out at the great wide yonder.
Maybe I will find a Treasure Chest full of Jewellery
Or a giant Nugget weighing a Thousand Ounces.
Or maybe I will find a secret Government Vault
Like the American Fort Knox.
Then I can buy myself a Mansion.
And stop living on the Street of Hard Knocks.
I Smile as I think about My Golden Dream.
Then I feel that My Bladder is full.
So I let loose a long golden stream.
I have a restless Night.
Thinking about all of the Wild Animals out there.
Cassowarys Dingoes Spiders Snakes and Scorpions.
And of course the Salt Water Crocodile.
An Ancient Reptile like a Freight Train with Teeth.
The most dangerous Animal on Earth.
Is the one that lurks beneath.
The next Morning I wake up tired weary and wired.
But after a Breakfast of Bacon and Eggs
I am ready to go exploring.
So I decide to follow the Creek inland.
To see where it will take Me.
And as I take in the beautiful scenery
I realise that this place is where every Person on Earth
As I wave My Detector around.
The Air is filled with the sound of silence.
It is not picking up a thing.
Maybe it is broken?
So I do some tinkering
And finally I get a sound
But it is not the sound of striking Gold
It is not that at all.
It is the sound of a Waterfall.
I walk towards the sound.
And I come across a large Billabong.
About Fifty Metres wide.
And God knows how deep.
And My Detector is still turned on.
And it is going ballistic.
Like a deranged out of control Pogo Stick.
Then it jumps out of My Hands.
And takes off towards the Falls.
It cuts through the Water like a Outboard Motor.
Or like a crazy Whipper Snipper.
Jesus I think I have hit the jackpot.
You little ripper.
Well the fastest way to see what is behind the Falls.
Is for Me to go for a swim.
So I strip down to My Underwear.
Have a quick look out for a Croc.
Then I jump right in.
It is only Thirty Metres to the Falls.
But it looks so far away.
Then I feel a tightening in My Balls.
A Crocodile is Twenty Metres behind Me.
And it is closing in fast.
I only have a few Metres to go.
So I start to Swim like a Torpedo.
It is like I am wearing Fuel Injected Speedos
I just make it.
Before the Croc can give my Arse another hole.
I shoot beneath the Falls.
Like a Bullet from a Gun.
And it feels like I have swum straight towards the Sun.
I cant believe My Eyes.
I have swum into a Golden Cave.
The Cave looks to be about Ten Metres deep.
And it is Choc a Bloc with Gold.
Gold Bars Gold Jewellery Gold Gold Gold.
It must be a long lost Pirate Treasure.
Captain Hook Captain Kidd Captain Blue Beard.
One of those.
Wait what am I Hearing?
Beep Beep Beep Beep
Jesus it is my Alarm Clock.
The whole Adventure was just a Dream
I cant believe it was just a Dream.
A Golden Dream.