Deep in the Plains of the Serengeti.
High up in the Branches of a Deadwood Tree.
I s a huge nest made from Twigs Grass Mud and
other bits and pieces.
And in the middle of that Nest sits a huge Egg.
It is not an Egg of a Crow Eagle or a Crane.
It is the Egg of the Common Vulture.
As the Mother Vulture stands watch the Egg starts
And an ugly little Head pops out.
Followed by an ugly little Body.
Then as its Eyes begin to focus
The Chick looks up at its Parents.
He gives a squawk ‘Jesus I hope I don’t look like these
‘They look like freaking roadkill.’
Right away the Parents knew that this Chick was different
He is only a few weeks old and already He is cleaning the Nest.
Preening His Feathers looking all prim and proper.
His Parents think that maybe their Son is you know Homosexual.
The Chick looks up with exasperation ;God just because I like to be
neat and tidy doesn’t make Me Gay’
‘And by the way why haven’t I got a Name?’
‘W ell if you wont give Me a Name I will Name Myself’
The Vulture Chick thinks for a moment.
And then a Name forms in His Brain.
‘I Christen Myself Frederick the Vulture’
‘T he Vulture with Culture’
His Parents are besides Themselves.
Frederick is a very fussy eater.
He refuses to eat Intestines Offal Tendons or Gristle.
He will only eat the top cuts.
And not a trace of Fat is allowed.
All Frederick wants to know is ‘Where is My Napkin and
My Knife and Fork?’
After about Six Months Frederick is ready to leave the Nest.
And to take His Maiden Flight.
His Parents guide Him to the edge of the Nest.
Frederick flaps His Wings and He picks up an Air Current.
And then His Feet lose contact with the Nest.
Frederick is Flying.
And after a few practise Laps He follows His Parents.
In the never ending search for Food.
They just glide with the Currents smelling the Air.
The Three of them pick up a nasty whiff.
Their favourite Smell.
The Smell of Dead Meat.
When they hit the ground they see a bloated Hippo.
Being eaten by a Pride of Lions.
So they just sit back and wait their turn.
Frederick is nervous.
This is His first time on the ground.
His Adrenalin is pumping.
As He watches the Lions fight over the Meat.
After about an Hour the Lions wander off.
Then it is the Vultures turn.
And Fredericks Mother rushes right in.
And sticks Her Head right up the Hippos Arse.
And She pulls out a long coil of Guts and Shit.
Frederick sees His Mothers Head disappear up the Hippos
Right into where the Sun don’t shine.
‘Jesus Mother couldn’t you find another opening?’
‘A Mouth or a Nostril or something?’
Then Fredericks Nose goes into Overdrive.
The smell of the dead Hippo is irresistible
So He rushes forward and starts to rip and tear at the
Then He swallows with relish.
As the other Vultures stick their Heads into the Cavities and Holes
Frederick goes to the Creek and has a wash.
He makes sure that His Feathers are all Spick and Span.
But what He could really do with is a Brush and a Floss.
One could wonder whether Frederick is a Vulture.
Or a Neatness freak Dandy Bird.
All of the other young Vultures have noticed Fredericks
peculiar habits and ways.
So they start to Bully and tease Him.
But Frederick is having none of that.
And He pushes on past.
‘Out of my way if you please’
The other Vultures part ways.
And Frederick walks past with His Head held high.
And with one last look at His Distractors
He takes to the Sky.
Arriving back at the Nest
Frederick starts to do some Nest Cleaning
He clips His Toenails
And does some Feather Preening.
Fredericks Mother watches Her Son with a worried look.
As He goes about His Cleaning routine.
Next thing you know He will want to Cook.
She has never seen a Vulture so clean.
Frederick is aware of His Mothers glances.
But He just shrugs His Shoulders
‘S o what if I like to look My best?’
‘I am aware of all of the Female Birds advances’
And I know that I am a bit different from the rest’
Over the next few Months Frederick has turned into one
fine looking Vulture.
So what if He likes the finer things in life?
After all He is a Vulture with Culture.
And even though His Mother might not think so.
Frederick would love to have a Wife.
He is still harassed daily by the others in the Flock
But He just ignores them as best He can.
They Fly all around Him as they mock and tease.
But to Frederick it is all Water off a Ducks Back.
One of the young Female Vultures has been pursuing
Frederick for quite a while.
He is not like the others
Frederick has some style and class.
She will have to be quick
If She is to fight off all of the other young Mothers.
Frederick is flattered by all of the Girls attention
He has been sneaking some looks of His own.
But He has never done it before.
He still has some skills to hone.
But Frederick is worried about nothing
The young Female Vulture takes the lead and shows Him how
Frederick was more then willing
The Girl didn’t have to beg.
Frederick has reached the point of no return
And with a gasp and a shake of His Tail Feathers.
Frederick has Fertilised His first Egg.
A few Years later.
And Frederick and His Wife now have a Brood of Five.
They Fly around as a Family devouring rotting Dead Meat.
It feels good to be alive.
A happier Family of Vultures you will never meet.
Fredericks Mother is also more relaxed.
Her Son is finally playing for the right team.
And not for the other side.
She is glad that Frederick is living the Dream.
Having fun and enjoying the ride.
Frederick has noticed that one of His Sons is a lot like Him.
He likes to keep Himself looking His best.
He refuses to stick His Head in any Anal opening.
When that happens is that you get covered in Shit.
Fredericks Son is more dignified
He will only Eat the choice bits.
He loves to give His Feathers a good Preen.
There is nothing wrong with trying to look your best.
Frederick can see that the Apple hasn’t fallen far from the Tree.
My Son is just like Me.
A happy well put together Vulture.
He is a Vulture with Culture.