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The Year is 1643 in the City of Budapest Hungary

And on the edge of the City is a small Stone Bridge.

And under that Bridge Lives a very droll Troll.

He is Armed with a Razor sharp Rapier.

And an even sharper Tongue.

The Troll has been the Guardian of this Bridge for over

Three Hundred Years.

He is Old but forever Young.

 

So if You Walk over or Travel under this Stone Bridge.

You will have to pay a Toll.

To Karel the very droll Troll.

No Cheques please strictly Cash Money.

Hungarian Florits preferably.

And Gold Coins are acceptable.

Just Deposit them in the handy little Receptacle.

That being Karels little Leather Pouch.

 

Of Karel will pass on any Toll Collected to the King.

Minus a small collection Fee.

Karel the very droll Troll isn’t Greedy.

He is just very very Needy

 

Karel sits under that little Stone Bridge.

Waiting for a Traveller to pass.

Sharpening His Rapier and His sarcastic Wit.

He doesn’t care if He has to use a Weapon.

Or His smooth talking Mouth.

He will Collect the Toll by Sword or Voice.

And the Travellers will soon realise that they haven’t

got any choice.

 

Then Karel Hears the sound of sneaking Feet.

The sound of a Toll evader.

‘Hail! Who goes there?’

He yells from His comfortable Toll Booth.

Then He notices a Dodo Bird trying to sneak under the Bridge.

;Please I am desperate’

‘Haven’t you heard that Dodo’s are almost Extinct’

‘I have to rush to find a Mate ‘

‘Before it is too late’

 

Well Karel the very droll Troll couldn’t care less if this was

the last Dodo on Earth.

A Toll will be Collected.

And even though Karel is only Three Feet Tall.

He is built like a Komodo Dragon on Two Feet.

An ugly little Fucker.

He will collect the Toll at any cost.

The Dodo hangs Her Head.

She knows when She has lost.

 

With a Squawk She hands over a single Florit

To the creepy little Toll Collector

Before She is Plucked and Roasted in His Oven

By the look of Him.

He would really enjoy chewing on a Parsons Nose.

She rushes off on Her fruitless search for a Mate.

Because it really is way way too late.

 

Before Karel can even sit down

He can Hear Hooves approaching the Bridge above

So He rushes up to Collect the Toll

And through a Cloud of Dust

He can see a lone White Horse.

But when it gets closer He sees that it isn’t a Horse.

But a Mythical Unicorn.

He holds up His Hand to get it to stop.

Just like a Toll Collecting Cop

 

The Unicorn skids to a stop Thinking

‘How can this Toll Collector se Me’

‘I don’t even exist’

‘I  am just the figment of Someones Imagination’

‘You can Read all about Me in Childrens Books’

 

Karel the very droll Troll knows what the Unicorn is

thinking

But He can see Him just fine so He must exist

So He holds out His Hand to Collect what is Due

But the Unicorn is not forthcoming.

So Karel waves His Razor sharp Rapier in the Air

He lunges forward and nicks the Unicorns Nose

And from the other end of the Unicorn

A Fart Bellows and Blows.

 

The Unicorn still cant believe all this is happening

After all He is a Mythical Beast

He lifts His Tail and drops a foul smelling Deposit

But seeing that He is a Unicorn.

The Shit turns into a Bagful of Gold.

Enough Gold to keep Karel in the Hog for Life

Maybe He can even Retire?

 

The Unicorn is running late

So He Snorts and shakes His Head in annoyance

It is Time for Him to Bail

He is on his way to another Fairy Tale.

 

Karel the very droll Troll cant believe His Luck

He drags the Bagful of Gold back to His Booth

Puts His Feet up and Lights up a Smoke

Maybe He has time for a Snooze?

Or if He is really lucky He will find Himself a Female

Troll.

And have a roll in the Hay

But the Unicorn from Five Miles away

Shakes His Head Neigh/Nay

 

Karel the very droll Troll

Cant take His Eyes rom the Bagful of Gold

But He cant become complacent

He still has a Job to do.

 

Just then a Travelling Band of Gypsy’s approach the Toll

Booth under that small Stone Bridge.

Karel starts to stand up but He really couldn’t be bothered

He has a Bagful of Gold

Who needs a few Florits?

So He waves them through

 

Over the following Days and Weeks Karel doesn’t Collect a

single Florit.

He hasn’t moved from His Chair.

He just cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold

He just spends His Time Snoozing and Boozing

And thinking about Trolls of the Female variety

Karel knows that He isn’t the best looking Troll in the

Neighbourhood.

Still He cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold

That Gold has really taken a Stranglehold

 

Word soon gets back to the King

One of His Toll Collectors isn’t doing His Job

He is allowing Travellers to pass through without Paying

Well that is not on

So He Orders  a Battalion of His Soldiers to Arrest Toll Collector#56

Dead or Alive He doesn’t care.

If Karel knew what was coming His way

He would be filling His Underwear

 

Karel the very droll Troll

Is just sitting around minding His own Business

When He Hears the Sound of Trumpets

‘Holy Crap the Kings Men are on their way’

He knows that He has been neglecting His Duties

All He can do is cover the Bagful of Gold with a Blanket

Then He awaits His Fate

I guess Retirement can wait

 

Arriving at the Kings Castle Karel is as Nervous as a Kitten

The King looks to be in a very bad Mood

The King adjusts His Crown and gets to His Feet

He looks at Karel like He is a piece of Crap on His Slipper

‘I King Claudius of Budapest Sentence You Toll Collector #56

to be Executed by way of the Guillotine’

;Your Head and Body will be Interred separately so that You will

never rest in peace’

‘Take Him away’

 

Another Troll arrives at Karel’s old Toll Booth

It is His Replacement Toll Collector #57

He saw Karel’s Head hit the Ground in a Fountain of Blood

So He will never neglect His Duty

 

He enters the Booth and is hit with an God almighty Smell

He lifts the Blanket laying in the Corner.

And sees a Bagful of Smelly Shit.

 

Well what did You expect?

Gold?

How could there be Gold?

Unicorns don’t exist

Or do They?