The Year is 1643 in the City of Budapest Hungary
And on the edge of the City is a small Stone Bridge.
And under that Bridge Lives a very droll Troll.
He is Armed with a Razor sharp Rapier.
And an even sharper Tongue.
The Troll has been the Guardian of this Bridge for over
Three Hundred Years.
He is Old but forever Young.
So if You Walk over or Travel under this Stone Bridge.
You will have to pay a Toll.
To Karel the very droll Troll.
No Cheques please strictly Cash Money.
Hungarian Florits preferably.
And Gold Coins are acceptable.
Just Deposit them in the handy little Receptacle.
That being Karels little Leather Pouch.
Of Karel will pass on any Toll Collected to the King.
Minus a small collection Fee.
Karel the very droll Troll isn’t Greedy.
He is just very very Needy
Karel sits under that little Stone Bridge.
Waiting for a Traveller to pass.
Sharpening His Rapier and His sarcastic Wit.
He doesn’t care if He has to use a Weapon.
Or His smooth talking Mouth.
He will Collect the Toll by Sword or Voice.
And the Travellers will soon realise that they haven’t
got any choice.
Then Karel Hears the sound of sneaking Feet.
The sound of a Toll evader.
‘Hail! Who goes there?’
He yells from His comfortable Toll Booth.
Then He notices a Dodo Bird trying to sneak under the Bridge.
;Please I am desperate’
‘Haven’t you heard that Dodo’s are almost Extinct’
‘I have to rush to find a Mate ‘
‘Before it is too late’
Well Karel the very droll Troll couldn’t care less if this was
the last Dodo on Earth.
A Toll will be Collected.
And even though Karel is only Three Feet Tall.
He is built like a Komodo Dragon on Two Feet.
An ugly little Fucker.
He will collect the Toll at any cost.
The Dodo hangs Her Head.
She knows when She has lost.
With a Squawk She hands over a single Florit
To the creepy little Toll Collector
Before She is Plucked and Roasted in His Oven
By the look of Him.
He would really enjoy chewing on a Parsons Nose.
She rushes off on Her fruitless search for a Mate.
Because it really is way way too late.
Before Karel can even sit down
He can Hear Hooves approaching the Bridge above
So He rushes up to Collect the Toll
And through a Cloud of Dust
He can see a lone White Horse.
But when it gets closer He sees that it isn’t a Horse.
But a Mythical Unicorn.
He holds up His Hand to get it to stop.
Just like a Toll Collecting Cop
The Unicorn skids to a stop Thinking
‘How can this Toll Collector se Me’
‘I don’t even exist’
‘I am just the figment of Someones Imagination’
‘You can Read all about Me in Childrens Books’
Karel the very droll Troll knows what the Unicorn is
But He can see Him just fine so He must exist
So He holds out His Hand to Collect what is Due
But the Unicorn is not forthcoming.
So Karel waves His Razor sharp Rapier in the Air
He lunges forward and nicks the Unicorns Nose
And from the other end of the Unicorn
A Fart Bellows and Blows.
The Unicorn still cant believe all this is happening
After all He is a Mythical Beast
He lifts His Tail and drops a foul smelling Deposit
But seeing that He is a Unicorn.
The Shit turns into a Bagful of Gold.
Enough Gold to keep Karel in the Hog for Life
Maybe He can even Retire?
The Unicorn is running late
So He Snorts and shakes His Head in annoyance
It is Time for Him to Bail
He is on his way to another Fairy Tale.
Karel the very droll Troll cant believe His Luck
He drags the Bagful of Gold back to His Booth
Puts His Feet up and Lights up a Smoke
Maybe He has time for a Snooze?
Or if He is really lucky He will find Himself a Female
And have a roll in the Hay
But the Unicorn from Five Miles away
Shakes His Head Neigh/Nay
Karel the very droll Troll
Cant take His Eyes rom the Bagful of Gold
But He cant become complacent
He still has a Job to do.
Just then a Travelling Band of Gypsy’s approach the Toll
Booth under that small Stone Bridge.
Karel starts to stand up but He really couldn’t be bothered
He has a Bagful of Gold
Who needs a few Florits?
So He waves them through
Over the following Days and Weeks Karel doesn’t Collect a
He hasn’t moved from His Chair.
He just cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold
He just spends His Time Snoozing and Boozing
And thinking about Trolls of the Female variety
Karel knows that He isn’t the best looking Troll in the
Still He cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold
That Gold has really taken a Stranglehold
Word soon gets back to the King
One of His Toll Collectors isn’t doing His Job
He is allowing Travellers to pass through without Paying
Well that is not on
So He Orders a Battalion of His Soldiers to Arrest Toll Collector#56
Dead or Alive He doesn’t care.
If Karel knew what was coming His way
He would be filling His Underwear
Karel the very droll Troll
Is just sitting around minding His own Business
When He Hears the Sound of Trumpets
‘Holy Crap the Kings Men are on their way’
He knows that He has been neglecting His Duties
All He can do is cover the Bagful of Gold with a Blanket
Then He awaits His Fate
I guess Retirement can wait
Arriving at the Kings Castle Karel is as Nervous as a Kitten
The King looks to be in a very bad Mood
The King adjusts His Crown and gets to His Feet
He looks at Karel like He is a piece of Crap on His Slipper
‘I King Claudius of Budapest Sentence You Toll Collector #56
to be Executed by way of the Guillotine’
;Your Head and Body will be Interred separately so that You will
never rest in peace’
‘Take Him away’
Another Troll arrives at Karel’s old Toll Booth
It is His Replacement Toll Collector #57
He saw Karel’s Head hit the Ground in a Fountain of Blood
So He will never neglect His Duty
He enters the Booth and is hit with an God almighty Smell
He lifts the Blanket laying in the Corner.
And sees a Bagful of Smelly Shit.
Well what did You expect?
How could there be Gold?
Unicorns don’t exist
Or do They?