After a recent Retrenchment.
I decided to move West and try My luck
Maybe get a Job in the Mines.
Or maybe in Construction.
Western Australia is Booming right now
And I want to be part of the Action.
So I Rent out My House.
Pack up a few belongings a Swag
and some Camping Gear.
I jump into My trusty Corolla
I say Goodbye to the East Coast.
Then I Drive off chasing a Dream.
Only 4000 Kilometres to go
I will be a brand new Man with a clean Slate
A Person couldn’t ask for more.
But after Driving for Six Hours it is Time for a Rest.
And a little something to Eat.
Ten Minutes later I reach Broken Hill.
I grab a Burger and a Coke.
Then I walk across the Road to a local Park
To fill My Stomach and enjoy the Scenery.
So I Sit at some Table and Chairs under a Gum Tree.
And I start to Eat.
Then from out of nowhere a Kookaburra lands on
Just Three Feet away.
Then it is joined by a Magpie and a Galah
Soon a Parrot a Falcon and an Eagle
Decide to join the Party.
So now I have Six Birds sharing My Table.
I offer Them some of My Burger
but they don’t seem interested.
Then They all start to Talk all at once
God They are making one Hell of a Racket.
So feeling a little like Dr Doolittle
I hold up My Hands for Silence.
And what do You know They all quieten down at once
I point at the Kookaburra and tell it to start Talking
Then I put My Hand down on the Table
And the Kookaburra walks over to it and Crawls up My Arm
Until it reaches My Shoulder.
Then it starts to Chatter in My Ear.
The Magpie jumps onto My other Shoulder
And starts to Talk into My Left Ear.
I cant believe that I am Sitting here Listening to the
Word of a Bird.
After about Five Minutes all of the Birds have had Their Say
The Six of them stand there looking up at Me.
I don’t know what to do.
But I know that I cant Sit here all Day.
I Stand up to go back to My Car
And all of the Six Birds start to Caw and Squawk and well Talk.
But what are They Saying?
They seem very agitated.
Are They giving Me some sort of warning?
But I have to be on My way.
The Birds Fly ahead and land on My Roof Racks
I Climb in and Drive away real slow.
I don’t want to startle the Birds.
The Six Birds take off and circle My Car for awhile
Then They disappear from Sight.
God that was a little Creepy.
But I put it out of My Mind and continue on My way.
And I am soon caught behind a Road Train.
These things are Three Trailers long
And take forever to pass.
I put My Foot down and start to Overtake
Then My Windscreen is hit by a Blob of Bird Shit
Then another and another.
Soon My Windscreen is full of Bird Crap
My Wipers cant cope with the bombardment
So I am forced to pull over.
As soon as I come to a standstill the Road Train loses control
I watch as it swerves all over the Road.
Then it Jack knifes in a Cloud of Orange Dust.
Than it slams down on its Side.
I immediately jump out of My Car.
And those Six Birds are once again on My Roof Racks
And They all start to Talk at once
I race to the aid of the Truck Driver
And I am relieved to see Him Climb out of His Cabin
The Drivers Name is Dave
On His way to Adelaide with a load of perishable Food.
Now He is Sitting in My Car waiting for the Police.
Then the Six Birds land on My Bonnet.
And They look in at Us Chattering away.
My Six Feathered Friends are here.
Dave jumps back in Shock at the sight of this strange bunch
I explain to Him how they befriended Me back at Broken Hill
And have been following Me ever since.
Then I realise that if those Six Birds didn’t Crap all over My
I wouldn’t of Stopped.
So more than likely I would now be Squashed under the Road
So I owe these Six Birds big time.
After an Hour or so the Police arrive.
I Tell what I saw regarding the Accident.
They take down My details and send Me on My way.
My Six Feathered Friends have retreated to some Power Lines
They sit there watching Me get back into My Car.
I am about to Drive off when I reach back and open the Rear Door.
Then I wait.
And sure enough They all Fly down and land on My Back Seat.
Then I put the Car in Gear and Drive away.
Next stop Ceduna.
Every couple of Hours I stop and let the Birds do Their Business
And have a feed on some Seeds or Roadkill
While I have a Cup of Coffee and a Ham Sandwich.
When it is Time to go I open the Rear Door.
And the Gang of Six Fly right in.
When we reach Ceduna I fill the Car with Petrol
Then Drive towards the next Stop.
A Five Hour Drive.
After a Couple of Hours it is Time for another Pit Stop.
I Drive a couple of hundred Metres down this Dirt Track.
I open the Door and the Birds Fly out to do what They have
While I wander off a few Metres to take a Leak.
I have just Zipped up when I sense movement on My right hand
A huge Brown Snake Slams into Me and Bites down on My Calf.
Then it fills Me with Venom.
I know straightaway that I am in big trouble
I roll up My Pants Leg and see the Bite Marks
I don’t know Who I am Talking too
But I Scream out ‘Tourniquet’
The Kookaburra lands on My Knee.
Inspects My Injury.
Then it Flies to My Car then comes back with a Leather Belt.
I tighten the Belt above the Bite Zone
But My Lips start to Tingle and My Sin is turning Blue
I am Sweating Buckets and start to lose consciousness
Then I don’t remember a thing.
I wake up Shaking feeling all Hot and Cold at the same time
Then I feel something Wet on My Lips.
I open My Eyes and See the Magpie tapping My Mouth with
I open up and taste the sweet Water dribbling down My Throat.
I feel some Pain in My Leg
So I loosen the Belt a notch or Two to let My Blood flow
I don’t want to get Gangrene and lose My Leg.
Or worse still.
Die out here in the middle of nowhere.
I wish I didn’t Drive off the Highway.
Now I wont be seen by any passing Trucks or Cars
If I am to Survive I will have to Save Myself
With some help from My Six Feathered Guardian Angels
I drift in and out of Consciousness.
In one of My lucid Moments I notice the Eagle picking at
Than it Flies over and Lands on My Chest
And even though I know what is about to happen
I am too weak to stop it.
The Eagle pushes open My Mouth with its Beak.
And feeds Me regurgitated Roadkill.
Over the next few Days my Six Feathered Friends
take it in turns to feed Me and give Me Water.
By the Fourth Day I am feeling a whole lot better.
The Venom is finally leaving My System.
I manage to prop Myself up against a Tree
My Leg is almost back to Normal
Then I Hear an almighty Grunt coming from a Bush Twenty
Jesus what now?
The Six Birds take off into the Trees
Then a Huge Male Razorback emerges
It must weigh 100 Kilos or more and has Tusks 20 centimetres
Good for digging up the Ground.
And Disembowelling Humans.
Our Eyes meet.
Than with a Squeal it Charges
Will I survive the Bush Pig Attack?
If I don’t who will Write Part Two?