For all of my overseas readers a Bower is a ground dwelling Australian
It builds a big nest that is also called a Bower and the male of the species
collects objects usually blue in colour to attract female Bowers.
In a rain forest in far north Queensland lives a lonely male Bower bird
But at the moment he is feeling lonely and dejected.
Every time that he builds a bower trying to impress a female.
All they do is give his bower a cursory glance.
Than turn their back and fly away.
It is now four mating seasons in a row that his bower has failed to
attract a single female.
He learnt bower building skills from his father.
The best bower builder in the whole state of Queensland.
He doesnt understand what he is doing wrong
All of the blue shiny objects are arranged just so.
But still he spends his nights alone.
The male bower bird is weighing up his options.
Maybe he could watch a ‘How to build a bower on You Tube?
Or go old school and read all about it the the bower builders
He is sitting there moping when he is hit in the head by a small
piece of paper.
It is from the ‘Public Notice page of the local newspaper.
He puts on his glasses and reads’Having trouble with your bower?
Call me on 1800bower no job too big or small’
The male bower thinks long and hard but comes to a decision
So he flies to the top of the tree and makes the call.
And from the other side of the forest his call is returned
It is a long distance call.
The bower bird calls and calls explaining the situation.
There is silence from the other end.
Maybe the bower building expert has hung up ?
Than the call is returned .
It is Kenneth from bower builder Pty Ltd
‘I am on my way to fix your bower
But i must warn you i charge by the hour’
The male bower bird doesn’t care how much it costs
As long as he sees some results.
He is still waiting half an hour later
Surely Kenneth should have been here by Now?
Than there is a call from below’Hello are you there?’
The male bower bird hops down branch by branch
When he gets close to the ground he sees Kenneth
And he cant believe his eyes.
But at the same time he should have known
Cause before struts a large peacock
Kenneth i presume.
From the way Kenneth is prancing about shaking his tail
It is obvious that he is batting for the other team
He is really flamboyant
If you know what i mean?
But the male bower bird doesn’t care.
As long as Kenneth can help him attract female bowers
He couldnt care less if Kenneth is a Bette Midler fan or not.
As long as he gets the job done.
Who gives a fuck?
The male bower bird explains once more about his inability to
attract female bowers to his bower.
Kenneth the flamboyant peacock preens his shiny feathers
than replies’Well darling i think i can help you with your dilemma
You just have to arrange all of your shiny blue objects in a more
Chi Fu way
There is too much ying and not enough yang
Too much dark and not enough light’
They stroll over to the bower
And Kenneth the flamboyant peacock gives it a critical eye
‘Yes i can help you.
But like i said during the call i dont come cheap
I charge not by the assignment but by the hour”I think that if i arrange
all of the blue objects so they catch the afternoon sun
It will attract the female eye.
Your bower will shine like a huge diamond ring.’
So for the next six hours the flamboyant peacock arranges the blue objects
Than he pouts his lips stands back and takes a look.
‘Well Kenneth you have done it again’
At 2 pm the sun is at the precise angle.
And the bower is shines in a blue light.
Female bower birds fly in from all around.
And even though the male bower is old in bird years.
Now all of a sudden he is the new kid on the block.
The blue light shines through the forest.
Female bower birds are even flying in from New Guinea
To see the new kid in town.The male bower cant believe his luck
He is getting more action than he can handle.
The male bower bird is walking the red carpet.
He is now so popular that wherever he goes .
He has to wear some cheap sunglasses.
He has that many female suitors he has installed turnstiles
And is charging one dollar for admission.
At least that will cover Kenneth’s outrageous charges
Thank Christ he didn’t charge by the minute.
The male bower bird doesn’t care.
As long as he has some female company
And a huge shiny lit up bower.
He couldn’t give a shit
With the help from a flamboyant peacock his wish has come true.
So he will gladly pay by the hour.