Tags

, , ,

In Part One of this story I told how i was recently made redundant

So i decided to head west and start afresh

So i jumped into my car with plans to drive from Newcastle over

to Perth WA

 

My first stop was at the city of Broken Hill

Where i had a rest and had something to eat

I eating a burger in the local park.

When six birds landed on my table and started to chirp and talk.

 

A kookaburra magpie parrot galah falcon and an eagle

 

I fed them some of my burger.

than i said my goodbyes and returned to my car and drove away.

 

Halfway to my next stop of Ceduna i was just about to overtake a massive

road train.

When my windscreen was bombarded with a volley of bird shit.

I couldnt see where i was going so i pulled to the side of the highway.

And just as i came to a stop the road train jack knifed and landed on its side.

 

After checking the driver to make sure that he was okay

I looked at the overhead wires and see my six feathered friends

And i realise that they had just saved my life.

So before i drive off again i open the rear door of my car

And my six feathered friends fly right in.

 

A few hours later nearing Port Lincoln i needed to make a pit stop

So i drove down a dirt track to do a leak.

And the birds flew off to do their business.

Than i am attacked by a huge brown snake that injects me with

a shit load of venom.

 

I am in and out of conciousness for a few days.

The kookaburra got a belt from the car so i could apply a tourniquet

While the other birds fed me seeds and roadkill.

And the magpie gave me water.

 

In the morning of the forth day i am finally coming good

So i prop myself up against a tree trunk to recuperate

When i hear a grunt and a squeal and a large male bush pig emerges

from a bush.

 

It must weigh a 120 kilos with tusks 20 cm long

We make eye contact

Than it charges.

 

Part Two

‘Holy shit’ I cant believe that this is happening.

I am on the road trip from hell.

The rogue boar is foaming at the mouth getting ready to rip my guts out

But at the last second i manage to twist and its tusks just nick my thigh.

 

As it turns around for another charge the falcon and the eagle swoop down

The eagle lands on the feral pigs face and bites chunks from its nose.

While the falcon goes to the rear end and tears a deep gouge down the

pigs scrotum.

Leaving the left testicle exposed.

 

The boar is bucking like a demented bull.

But those two birds dont let up and they rip and tear at that wild boar.

Than those two birds finally relent and that wild lump of ham runs

off squealing for his mummy.

Once again i have been saved by my feathered friends.

 

The next big town is Kalgoorlie

But that is over 800 kilometres away so i will have to make camp for the

night.

 

So i drive off with my six feathered friends riding shotgun in the back seat

They all start talking and squawking all at once.

So i turn on the radio and catch the latest Justin Beiber song.

The birds start jumping and bopping to Beiber.

I smile to myself as we all sing along.

 

After five hours i really need to take a break

So i pull the car into a camp site and start to unload the car.

 

The birds fly off in search of food while i set up camp

I make myself some bacon and eggs

Than the six feathered angels fly down and we settle in for the night.

 

Finally some rest and relaxation

Than the birds start to talk loud amongst themselves.

So i know something bad is about to happen.

If only i could understand the words of a bird.

 

Than i hear a loud rumble in the distance it sounds like rolling thunder

But i soon recognise the noise as approaching motorbikes

It sounds like a hundred Harley Davidson’s

A gang of Hell’s Angels ride into the campground

The birds are going bananas talking like crazy.

 

The bikers park right next to my camp site.

That would be right they have the whole camp site to choose from.

But they have to camp right next to me.

 

Than they light a huge bonfire turn on some heavy metal and start to party

 

After a few minutes one of the bikers comes over and asks me if i have any

spare beer.

I tell that i haven’t got any beer only a couple of cokes.

He laughs and says ‘Whats the go with the birds are you some kind of weirdo?’

 

I try to ignore him but than he says ‘You know i am struggling to pay my way to

Perth’

‘Why dont you give me all of your money? Lets just call it a donation’

I still try to ignore the persistant prick

But he is determined to part me from my money.

He is getting really pissed off that i am ignoring him.

So he calls over a few of his biker friends and i am dragged away and tied to

a tree.

 

The bikers go through my pockets looking for my money stash

But all they can find is about sixteen dollars and small change

Thank god i have hidden my credit card in my sock

 

The arseholes still dont give up

They want to know where the rest of my money is.

I tell them that i live locally so i dont need to carry much cash

The lead biker looks at me and says ‘Thats okay in the morning we will

all go to your place and collect what is due’

 

That’s all i fucking need.

Than things turn nasty when he unzips his fly and proceeds to piss

all over me.

The other bikers think this is hilarious and they to piss over me like

i am a public urinal

 

From that point on they just ignore me

And go back to their drinking and dope smoking.

Than i feel a little tug on my bindings.

I have a quick look behind me and see the magpie using its beak to

untie me.

 

Now it is waiting game

And around 2 am the bikers turn off the music and crawl into

their swags.

Just to be on the safe side i wait another half hour

Than i look over to the six birds.

 

They fly over to the Harley’s and push their beaks into the tyre valves

And slowly but surely every single one of those tyres goes down

 

Than i go to my car and grab a pack of cable ties.

And i go from swag to swag locking those fucking bikers in.

I give a little whistle and the birds fly into the back seat of my car ready to

make an escape.

I start up the car than i have second thoughts

The temptation is too hard to resist so i walk over to the first Harley and

give it a little shove.

And like dominoes those bikes goes tumbling over with a crash.

 

The Bikers are still drunk and stoned so they cant escape from the swags

But i dont wait around to watch i jump in my car and take off like a bat out

of hell.

 

After about three hours of driving i start to relax thinking that those bikers

are stuck back at the camp site.

Than the rear window explodes and i see two bikers approaching fast

Now things are becoming serious.

If those bikers catch me i will be a dead man.

So i will have to come up with a plan.

 

The six feathered commando’s in the back seat start talking and squawking

Than they fly out of the rear window.

On a collision course with the two bikers.

 

The bikers serve to avoid the attack and start to shoot at my protectors

But thankfully all of the bullets are wide of the mark

Now the bikers are getting closer and closer

I can almost see the whites of their eyes.

 

They are only five metres behind me

As i look in the rear view mirror i see one of the bikers is taking aim

at my head.

Surely he cant miss from that distance?

 

Than the Eagle swoops in and plucks the pistol from the bikers grasp

Then it flys over to my window and hovers with the pistol in its talons

I grab that gun and i am prepared to use it.

 

The feathered kamikaze birds are still dive bombing the  bikers

Than i notice that there are only three birds left.

The other three of my feathered friends are MIA.

 

My eyes are full of tears as i think about my three fallen angels

The time is right to make a stand.

I get off a couple of shots and the two bikers fall back a bit.

I say a little prayer and pull hard on the Handbrake.

And do a 180.

 

Now i am facing the two bikers and i get off a few more shots

The bikers swerve but a few bullets have hit the mark.

One must of hit the petrol tank because the Harley explodes in

a ball of fire.

 

The biker just jumps off in time before he is engulfed in flames

His biker mate stops to pick him up

And they ride towards my car than stop.

The three of us give each other the death stare

I point the gun in their direction and they soon get the message

So they give me the finger and rode off back to where they came from.

 

I turn the car around and head west once again

The eagle and the kookaburra fly in to join me

And the parrot follows suit.

But there is still no sign of the three fallen comrades.

 

I sit there for two hours.

than i know that i will never see them again.

I put my foot down and head towards my new life in the west.

 

God what an adventure

I know one thing.

If i ever decide to go back home

I will be catching a plane.

 

Roar trips are a thing of the past

But it was a fucking blast.

 

The End