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For all of my overseas readers a Bower is a ground dwelling Australian

native bird.

It builds a big nest that is also called a Bower and the male of the species

collects objects usually blue in colour to attract female Bowers.

 

In a rain forest in far north Queensland lives a lonely male Bower bird

But at the moment he is feeling lonely and dejected.

Every time that he builds a bower trying to impress a female.

All they do is give his bower a cursory glance.

Than turn their back and fly away.

 

It is now four mating seasons in a row that his bower has failed to

attract a single female.

He learnt bower building skills from his father.

The best bower builder in the whole state of Queensland.

He doesnt understand what he is doing wrong

All of the blue shiny objects are arranged just so.

But still he spends his nights alone.

 

The male bower bird is weighing up his options.

Maybe he could watch a ‘How to build a bower on You Tube?

Or go old school and read all about it the the bower  builders

owners manual?

 

He is sitting there moping when he is hit in the head by a small

piece of paper.

It is from the ‘Public Notice page of the local newspaper.

 

He puts on his glasses and reads’Having trouble with your bower?

Call me on 1800bower no job too big or small’

 

The male bower thinks long and hard but comes to a decision

So he flies to the top of the tree and makes the call.

And from the other side of the forest his call is returned

It is a long distance call.

 

The bower bird calls and calls explaining the situation.

There is silence from the other end.

Maybe the bower building expert has hung up ?

 

Than the call is returned .

It is Kenneth from bower builder Pty Ltd

‘I am on my way to fix your bower

But i must warn you i charge by the hour’

 

The male bower bird doesn’t care how much it costs

As long as he sees some results.

He is still waiting half an hour later

Surely Kenneth should have been here by Now?

 

Than there is a call from below’Hello are you there?’

The male bower bird hops down branch by branch

When he gets close to the ground he sees Kenneth

And he cant believe his eyes.

 

But at the same time he should have known

Cause before struts a large peacock

Kenneth i presume.

 

From the way Kenneth is prancing about shaking his tail

feathers.

It is obvious that he is batting for the other team

He is really flamboyant

If you know what i mean?

 

But the male bower bird doesn’t care.

As long as Kenneth can help him attract female bowers

He couldnt care less if Kenneth is a Bette Midler fan or not.

As long as he gets the job done.

Who gives a fuck?

 

The male bower bird explains once more about his inability to

attract female bowers to his bower.

Kenneth the flamboyant peacock preens his shiny feathers

than replies’Well darling i think i can help you with your dilemma

You just have to arrange all of your shiny blue objects in a more

Chi Fu way

There is too much ying and not enough yang

Too much dark and not enough light’

 

They stroll over to the bower

And Kenneth the flamboyant peacock gives it a critical eye

‘Yes i can help you.

But like i said during the call i dont come cheap

I charge not by the assignment but by the hour”I think that if i arrange

all of the blue objects so they catch the afternoon sun

It will attract the female eye.

Your bower will shine like a huge diamond ring.’

 

So for the next six hours the flamboyant peacock arranges the blue objects

just so.

Than he pouts his lips stands back and takes a look.

‘Well Kenneth you have done it again’

 

At 2 pm the sun is at the precise angle.

And the bower is shines in a blue light.

Female bower birds fly in from all around.

And even though the male bower is old in bird years.

Now all of a sudden he is the new kid on the block.

 

The blue light shines through the forest.

Female bower birds are even flying in from New Guinea

To see the new kid in town.The male bower cant believe his luck

He is getting more action than he can handle.

 

The male bower bird is walking the red carpet.

He is now so popular that wherever he goes .

He has to wear some cheap sunglasses.

He has that many female suitors he has installed turnstiles

And is charging one dollar for admission.

 

At least that will cover Kenneth’s outrageous charges

Thank Christ he didn’t charge by the minute.

 

The male bower bird doesn’t care.

As long as he has some female company

And a huge shiny lit up bower.

He couldn’t give a shit

With the help from a flamboyant peacock his wish has come true.

So he will gladly pay by the hour.

 

The End.