I cant believe how hot it is.
My skin is stuck to the leather seats in my 65 Buick.
I am sweating buckets all i want to do is get home and sit in front
of the air con
I wind down the window to try and catch a breeze.
The eagles are playing on the radio but they dont put my mind at ease.
Big black clouds are rolling in full of rain and destruction
It is storm season in Wichita the city of my birth.
I have lived in the tornado belt my whole life.
So i know the damage and heartache that they bring.
My stomach sinks and my heart fills with sorrow.
I say a little prayer and hope that i see tomorrow.
Over the years my town has been demolished a time or two.
Tornado’s push people to the limit till they reach the edge.
So i race home as fast as i can to try and get my family to safety.
But there is one huge road block.
In the shape of one huge motherfucking tornado.
It is easily two miles across and blocks the horizon.
This tornado is as black as the blackest souls in hell.
I push the pedal to the metal with a banshee yell.
As i race down the road dodging flying road signs and debris
I know that i have made one huge mistake.
How did i think that i could outrun a freaking tornado?
There is now not a chance in hell of reaching my house in time
I can only hope that my wife and kids have made to the underground
The windmill in my head is going all helter skelter.
The tornado hits me like a ton of bricks
My car is airborne and the sound is like a hundred freight trains
Or a thousand waterfalls.
I grip the steering wheel as tight as i can.
As i get tossed around like a sock in a washing machine.
My eyes are closed so maybe i am only dreaming?
But when i open them i am not laying in bed.
I am in an eye of a tornado instead.
I am spinning so fast i almost black out and i really wish that
I spin even faster like an out of control flight simulator.
My brain has reached it’s limit and is about to crash.
Than i am free falling when i am spat out of the twister.
Spat out like a regurgitated piece of meat.
Will i land turned around and upside down?
Or on my white walled set of wheels?
Luckily i land in the middle of a lake like a jettisoned space
But than i get this sinking feeling my car is going down fast.
About twenty feet down i hit rock bottom with a thud.
The windows are all up so no water enters immediately.
But i know that i have to get out of here fast.
I push against the glass but it wont budge
The doors are all sealed shut from the water pressure.
Now i really start to panic as my air starts to run out.
So this is how i come to the end of my life?
I close my eyes and say goodbye to my kids and lovely wife.
I put my hand up against the car window
And take my last look at the outside world.
And make one last wish.
Than my hand turns into a fist and starts to spin.
My whole arm is spinning like a pneumatic drill.
The window shatters and i start to rise like Phenonix or Neptune
But without a trident or a staff.
But i know one thing right now i could really use a canoe or a raft
When i hit the surface i an still 500 yards from the shore
Swimming isn’t one of my strong suits
But i really have no choice in the matter
So i start to swim freestyle towards the bank.
I wish that my legs would give me a better kick.
And than they do.
My legs start to spin like twin outboard motors
And they take me to my objective.
But i am going way too fast and will surely crash into the sand
But i dont crash.
Because at the last second my legs stop spinning.
And i glide right up onto the shore.
I stand up on solid ground it sure feels good to be back on terra
But what is the go with my limbs spinning like crazy?
Is it a symptom from being inside a tornado?
Will the weird side affects all go away?
Or are they here to stay?
Well there is only one way to find out
So i hold out my arms and tell them to spin
And they do.
My legs spin at the same command.
Am i now part human or some sort of tornado machine?
Even though i might look the same i am no longer me.
Maybe God has a master plan.
I look to the sky and christen myself Mr tornado man.
So am i now a superhero?
Am i supposed to save damsels in distress?
Could i jump a building in a single bound?
Or scale a wall like spiderman?
I hope i dont have to wear a costume with a long cape
Or heaven forbid a pair of bright green tights.
I want to help the public not scare them out of their wits.
Maybe i should just go back to what i was before
A scared nobody with a face full of zits.
But it is too late to back down now.
I am now an apprentice superhero.
So i should start to act like one.
My arms and legs start to twitch they are ready for some action.
But my nerves start to get the best of me.
Do superhero’s have a union or workers compensation?
Is it good or bad to be a new sensation?
I stand there adjusting my imaginary set of tights.
Then i remember that my family could be buried under a pile
Everybody in Wichita could really do with some help.
Am i up for it?
I take a deep breath and puff out my chest like a superhero should.
Deep down i know that i am ready for the fight.
I will do the best that i can.
The people of Kansas can rely on Mr tornado man.
My inbuilt GPS system tells me that that my home town is 100
miles to the west.
As soon as i think that thought my body starts to spin and gyrate
I spin like that Tasmanian devil in that old cartoon.
I just hope that i don’t end up in my own loony tune.
I am travelling so fast i turn the road into a liquid
And i reach Wichita in record time.
I cant find my home in all the piles of misery.
I go from house to house with my limbs digging trying to find
But i dont find anybody
My first assignment has ended in a total lack of success.
I will try harder next time God bless.
I am supposed to be a superhero
But i failed the acid test.
Maybe i need an offsider or live in a bat cave?
Or i should have worn those shiny green tights?
But would it have made a difference?
But dont forget that i am an apprentice superhero
I am still learning the ropes.
Next time i will have a better plan.
And be a new improved Mr Tornado Man
Than i hear a sound in the rubble.