Monthly Archives: November 2016

Cereal Killer ( Part Three )

26 Saturday Nov 2016

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Cereal can kill you in so many different way.

So be careful out there.

 

I am going away on my annual vacation next week

And i am a bit worried.

How am i going to survive overseas without my favourite

breakfast cereal?

I am sure that they wont sell weet bix in South Africa.

So what is a man to do?

Become a cereal smuggler of course.

 

On the morning of my flight i wake up early to prepare.

I slash the lining of my suitcase with a stanley knife.

And i place twenty four weet bix into the space.

And for good measure i tape another twenty four to my chest.

 

 

I am as nervous as a kitten when i arrive at the airport.

Than i realise that customs will be looking for contraband coming

in not going out.

Not that weet bix is contraband.

But it is addictive.

 

I arrive in South Africa after a long sixteen hour flight.

The plane lands with a thud and we all disembark.

I fill out the form stating that i am bringing no food into the country.

After all weet bix is really a food it is part of my existance.

 

The South African customs officer looks at me like i am Ted Bundy.

He searches my luggage like i am a drug smuggler.

But i am not smuggling drugs just fibre and a whole lot of goodness.

Surely customs will understand?

 

I breathe a sigh of relief when my passport is stamped.

And i wheel my trolley out of the terminal.

I cant wait to see the great outdoors and go on safari.

But i am really hanging for a taste.

It has been eighteen hours since i had my breakfast.

I really need a weet bix fix.

 

As soon as i reach my motel room i race to the bar fridge and

grab a bottle of milk.

I pour some over four weet bix and i immediately start to relax.

My heart beat returns to a normal rhythm.

Now that i have had my medicine i can start being a regular

tourist.

After a few hours sleep and a quick shower i am ready to join my tour

group.

Before i head downstairs i grab my wallet sunglasses and my backpack.

Which i fill with a bottle of water and sixteen weet bix.

Because you never know.

 

I meet my travelling companions downstairs and we all climb aboard

our tour bus.

Let the adventure begin.

We are on our way to kruger national park.

Where we can get nice and close to the local wildlife.

And we aren’t disappointed.

 

We soon see a pride of lions buffalo and wilderbeest.

A family of giraffe eat from the top branches of a tree.

And we see a herd of elephant in a waterhole.

I reach into my backpack and chew on a tasty weet bix.

 

After a week of sightseeing and stocking up on souviners

My supply of weet bix is getting mighty low.

I only have four left.

I will have to search the local markets for a worthy substitute.

 

After searching high and low i come across a wheat biscuit in a

supermarket.

Flakes of wheat compressed into a shape similar to a bar of soap.

 

I take the wheat biscuits back to my room

But what do i eat first?

Do i consume my last remaining weet bix?

Or try the local variety?

 

I decide to meet my needs with the local product.

I open the box of wheat biscuits and put them in a bowl with some milk.

And do you know what? They aren’t half bad.

The local supplier has come through i want have withdrawals after all.

I was worried about night sweats and going cold turkey.

But these wheat biscuits will do just fine.

 

In the morning i wake up to a brand new day.

The sun is shining and i am feeling good.

What sort of adventure will i have today?

I eat my four remaining weet bix and race downstairs.

I say hello to the tour group and we are on our way.

Today i think that we are going canoeing on the nile river.

Hopefully i will see some hippo.

 

Sometimes you shouldn’t wish too hard because it might just come true.

After about an hour the tour guide yells at me to watch out.

I look behind me and see a huge hippo charging my canoe.

He attacks my canoe tearing it in half and throwing me into the water.

When i come back to the surface all i can see is my supply of wheat biscuits

floating all around me.

 

But i am worried about the hippo coming coming back.

As i have a look all around me i notice that the wheat biscuits are starting to

break down and turn gluggy.

I try to swim to the shore but the water isn’t water anymore.

Those wheat biscuits have turned the water into quick sand.

 

I kick and fight with all of my might.

But it is no use.

I soon start to tire with only my nose above the surface.

I have a last breath than i am swallowed on down.

 

Those damn wheat biscuits were the devil in disguise.

In the back of my mind i knew there was something about them.

They didn’t taste quite right.

And i have paid the ultimate price.

Hopefully you can all make it to my funeral.

Goodbye.

 

I have become the latest victim of a silent epidemic.

So keep your wits about you and be careful with what you eat

Because there is a killer out there.

A evil cunning cereal killer.

 

My Favourite New Addiction

12 Saturday Nov 2016

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This is a story about addictions whether good or bad

both physical and emotional.

The first that i saw you my heart almost exploded from

my chest.

I couldn’t think straight and my palms were all moist and sweaty.

 

I first i thought that i was coming down with something.

But than i realised all that i had was a bad dose of that thing

called love.

I tried to shake it off.

But it really had a hold on me.

I don’t know  who you are or what your name is.

But sparks are exploding and colliding deep in my brain.

Causing a whole lot of pain and friction.

You are now officially my favourite new addiction.

 

I walk around in a daze feeling like i have been hit by a sledgehammer

and a marshmallow at the same time.

My heart is beating at a very fast rate pitter patter pitter patter.

I am finding it hard to think and breathe at the same time.

God i can barely function.

I wander around like a zombie trying to keep it all together.

I am riding a roller coaster in very stormy weather.

 

The second time that i saw you i came out in hives.

You were coming out of the movies looking all cool and sexy

Your hair was flowing in the breeze and your lip stick shone

a bright cherry red.

You are the most beautiful girl in the universe.

Our eyes make contact and the world spun off its axis.

You don’t seem to notice and keep on walking.

Maybe i should forget all about love and take up stalking.

 

If i remember correctly my first addiction started when i was

fourteen

Puberty hit  me hard and i discovered the joy of masterbation

I didn’t realise that playing with your penis could feel so good.

I used to go into my room pull my pants down and go for it.

I would sometimes go into my room about six or seven times a day.

A few months later a local girl took me into the bushes and she taught

me all about sex.

 

My second and third addictions were smoking and drinking.

I was sixteen at the time and i fell to the temptation of peer group

pressure.

I took my first drag on a cigarette and had my first mouthful of beer.

The cigarette made me sick and the beer left me feeling light headed

and drunk.

But i didn’t care i kept going back for more and more.

Another smoke behind the basketball courts and a beer behind the

garden shed.

Two more addictions have gone straight to my head

 

While i was smoking and drinking and fooling around with girls.

I used to listen to my favourite music which was hard rock.

I used to play air guitar and sing very very bad.

 

I am now eighteen and i am laying on my bed naked listening to my

music and thinking about you my favourite new addiction.

I can smell your smell and remember the way your butt moved when

you walk.

How the sun dances through your hair and how my world lights up

when you smile.

But what i really want is to taste your taste

I want our lips to be sealed together forever

To be together until the twelveth of never.

 

As i think about you i start to play with myself and smoke a cigarette

and drink a glass of beer.

Addictions one two and three.

Nicotine and alcohol have part of my life for three years now.

Like two destructive friends they hang around me causing all kinds

of havoc and false emotions

My heart is still beating like a runaway locomotion.

 

All i can think about is you my favourite new addiction

For five months i have wanders the streets trying to find you

Will we ever meet?

Or are we destined to be like two ships passing in the night.

Hopefully the two ships will have a small collision.

And my lonely heart can send out an SOS

Than the harbour master will give us safe passage.

Will we sail to a deserted island full of palm trees coconuts

surrounded by pristine white sand

Or will i continue to fly around in circles and never land.

 

Maybe one day i will finally get to know your name

I will nuzzle your ear and smell your smell

And run my fingers through your hair and taste your taste

My favourite new addiction is almost within my grasp.

You will be the needle that fills me with euphoria

The bullet in the head that puts me to sleep

You can be the razor blade to my wrist

My one and only blood red mist.

 

 

I cant stop thinking about you my favourite new addiction

When i get out i will walk the streets seeking you out.

And when i find you i will once again take up my favourite

pastime stalking.

 

You are the reason why i am stuck behind these prison walls.

All i wanted to do was tell you that we will be together forever

But you kept on pushing me away.

Why couldn’t you be nice and just talk to me so we could maybe

have become friends?

But no you had to call the police and tell them that i wouldn’t leave you

alone.

How could i leave you alone when we are soulmates?

Now you have turned my addiction into a whole lot of hate.

 

Oh by the way since i have been in prison i have got myself another

favourite new addiction.

My body is covered in black ink tattoo’s .

I started with one on my arm but i couldn’t stop and now i am covered from

head to toe in prison issue ink

I lay in my cell all day with nothing much to do.

 

So my mind always goes back to thinking about you my former favourite

new addiction

I cant wait till the day when i am finally released

Will i walk the streets an angry man

Or will i finally find some peace/

Mr Sticky Tape Man

04 Friday Nov 2016

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There are only two days to Christmas.

And as usual i have left my gift shopping to the last minute.

I race to the shopping centre buying everything by impulse.

After a few hours my credit has reached its limit.

Another year of Christmas has come to an end.

 

Arriving back at home i have a quick meal

Than it is time to start wrapping the gifts.

It takes a while but i finally locate a roll of sticky tape in

the bottom drawer.

I quickly wrap the presents and place them under the Christmas tree.

 

After i put the last present under the tree.

I notice that a tiny piece of sticky tape is stuck to my left thumb.

I don’t think too much about it.

I do some tidying up and run myself a bath.

 

As i wait for the water to fill.

I try to peel off that pesky piece of sticky tape.

But it want come off.

Try as i might that tape is stuck like super glue.

But i am sure that once i soak in the bath for a while it will

peel right off.

 

After soaking for five minutes i try once more to rid myself

from that tape.

It is only a tiny bit about 3 millimetres square so it is hard to get

on hold of.

I pull and pull but it is stuck fast.

I am still sure that it is nothing.

So if it is still there in the morning i will drive to the hospital

and have it removed.

 

When i wake up in the morning my left thumb is throbbing

That tiny piece of sticky tape has grown and it is now covering

the whole thumb.

Okay now it is time to have this tape removed.

 

As i drive towards the hospital that sticky is growing right before

my eyes.

It is now covering my left hand and heading up to my wrist.

 

After waiting for over an hour i am finally shown into the doctors

office.

And in that hour that sticky tape has now almost reached my elbow.

I show the doctor my arm explaining about the sticky tape that seems

to be growing up my arm.

He gives me a look suggesting that i am a complete idiot ‘Not a problem

once we soak the your arm in a alcohol solution the tape will peel

right away’

 

After soaking my arm for a few minutes the doctor returns to complete

the procedure.

He has one look my my arm and says ‘That’s strange the tape hasn’t been

affected by the solution at all’

“If anything it seems to be growing further’

 

The doctor is right the sticky tape is now past my elbow and heading

towards my shoulder.

The doctor cuts my shirt away to examine the tape more closely

Than i am wheeled away for scans and x rays.

 

Before i know what is happening i am taken into an isolation room.

My clothes are removed and replaced with a hospital gown.

The doctor enters the room wearing a hazmat suit.

‘I am sorry to tell you but the sticky tape isn’t only growing externally

But it is also growing internally’

‘The tape is now permanently part of your arm’

‘And the only way to stop the tape invading the rest of your body is to

amputate your arm’

 

I know that sooner or later the sticky tape will cover the whole of my

body.

But at the same time i don’t want to lose my arm.

I soon get a reprieve if you can call it that.

The sticky tape is growing so fast it is now past my shoulder.

And creeping up my neck.

 

I press the distress button to summon the nurse.

She runs in wearing one of those hazmat suits

I explain that i am worried about the sticky tape growing over

my neck and blocking my airways.

She reassures me that my breathing isn’t been affected.

The doctor enters the room and he notices that the sticky tape

is moving fast

It is now way too late to amputate my arm.

But i can see by the look on his face that he has some bad news.

 

He tells me that  the sample of the tape had been sent away for analysis

and the results are back ‘The people in the lab after running exhaustive

tests have come to the conclusion that the compounds in the tape don’t

match any known data bases.’

 

My head is spinning as i take in the doctors words.

Does that mean my body has been invaded by an alien being?

The doctor is still talking “The technicians also discovered a strange

bacteria growing on the sticky tape.And this bacteria is what is causing

the tape to grow”

 

The doctor is still yapping “People from the National Disease Control

Centre are on their way to examine you’

“So you will be kept in isolation to contain this bacteria so that it cant

spread and infect the human race”

 

Two orderlies enter the room

And with a nod from the doctor they handcuff both of my hands to the bed

Then without another word the doctor and the orderlies leave the room

Now i am sealed all alone in a isolation chamber with a bacteria from outer

space.

 

And i know one thing for sure.

And that is once the people from the NDCC arrive i will be a dead man.

They will perform all sorts of tests probes and experiments.

Then i will be given a lethal injection and taken to a secret location and

buried in an unmarked location.

 

I cant let this happen.

So i will have to come up with a escape plan.

But first i will have to find a a way to get out of these cuffs.

As i contemplate the dilemma i realise the sticky tape has now

completely covered my whole body.

 

I lift up the hospital gown to check and my worst fears are confirmed

Where my genitals once were there is now nothing but a sticky tape mound

But i have more pressing matters at hand i can worry about my genitals

later.

 

I wriggle my hands and the bacteria must have entered my head.

Because the sticky tape around my hands begins to unravel.

Giving me just enough room to slip the cuffs.

I am now free from the restraints but i am still locked in a sealed chamber.

But there is one thing that i have learnt.

Never under estimate the power of the sticky tape.

From my head down to my toes the tape starts to unravel.

Layer by layer it peels away taking my skin bones organs and DNA with it.

 

 

The sticky tape travels down corridors stairwells and bathroom stalls until it

finds a way out into the sunlight.

The sticky tape is carried on the wind and i feel myself floating through the air.

Than the tape starts to rotate and cell by cell bone by bone and organ by

organ i am slowly being reconstructed.

 

I find myself standing completely naked in what looks like a cave.

Man it is cold i could really need to find some clothes.

And than get the fuck out of here.

At least i am now free from that sticky tape

Hopefully it has gone back to where it came from.

 

I decide to explore the cave and hopefully find some sort of clothing.

After a few minutes trying to find a way out i see a shaft of light coming

from around the corner of the cave.

 

I race towards the light but i soon pull up short.

Because blocking the exit is a giant ball of sticky tape.

It is pulsating and glowing and i am being drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

 

I walk forward.

 

What will happen next?

To find out out the answer to that question you will have to come back and

read Part Two.

It is that simple.