Cereal can kill you in so many different way.
So be careful out there.
I am going away on my annual vacation next week
And i am a bit worried.
How am i going to survive overseas without my favourite
I am sure that they wont sell weet bix in South Africa.
So what is a man to do?
Become a cereal smuggler of course.
On the morning of my flight i wake up early to prepare.
I slash the lining of my suitcase with a stanley knife.
And i place twenty four weet bix into the space.
And for good measure i tape another twenty four to my chest.
I am as nervous as a kitten when i arrive at the airport.
Than i realise that customs will be looking for contraband coming
in not going out.
Not that weet bix is contraband.
But it is addictive.
I arrive in South Africa after a long sixteen hour flight.
The plane lands with a thud and we all disembark.
I fill out the form stating that i am bringing no food into the country.
After all weet bix is really a food it is part of my existance.
The South African customs officer looks at me like i am Ted Bundy.
He searches my luggage like i am a drug smuggler.
But i am not smuggling drugs just fibre and a whole lot of goodness.
Surely customs will understand?
I breathe a sigh of relief when my passport is stamped.
And i wheel my trolley out of the terminal.
I cant wait to see the great outdoors and go on safari.
But i am really hanging for a taste.
It has been eighteen hours since i had my breakfast.
I really need a weet bix fix.
As soon as i reach my motel room i race to the bar fridge and
grab a bottle of milk.
I pour some over four weet bix and i immediately start to relax.
My heart beat returns to a normal rhythm.
Now that i have had my medicine i can start being a regular
After a few hours sleep and a quick shower i am ready to join my tour
Before i head downstairs i grab my wallet sunglasses and my backpack.
Which i fill with a bottle of water and sixteen weet bix.
Because you never know.
I meet my travelling companions downstairs and we all climb aboard
our tour bus.
Let the adventure begin.
We are on our way to kruger national park.
Where we can get nice and close to the local wildlife.
And we aren’t disappointed.
We soon see a pride of lions buffalo and wilderbeest.
A family of giraffe eat from the top branches of a tree.
And we see a herd of elephant in a waterhole.
I reach into my backpack and chew on a tasty weet bix.
After a week of sightseeing and stocking up on souviners
My supply of weet bix is getting mighty low.
I only have four left.
I will have to search the local markets for a worthy substitute.
After searching high and low i come across a wheat biscuit in a
Flakes of wheat compressed into a shape similar to a bar of soap.
I take the wheat biscuits back to my room
But what do i eat first?
Do i consume my last remaining weet bix?
Or try the local variety?
I decide to meet my needs with the local product.
I open the box of wheat biscuits and put them in a bowl with some milk.
And do you know what? They aren’t half bad.
The local supplier has come through i want have withdrawals after all.
I was worried about night sweats and going cold turkey.
But these wheat biscuits will do just fine.
In the morning i wake up to a brand new day.
The sun is shining and i am feeling good.
What sort of adventure will i have today?
I eat my four remaining weet bix and race downstairs.
I say hello to the tour group and we are on our way.
Today i think that we are going canoeing on the nile river.
Hopefully i will see some hippo.
Sometimes you shouldn’t wish too hard because it might just come true.
After about an hour the tour guide yells at me to watch out.
I look behind me and see a huge hippo charging my canoe.
He attacks my canoe tearing it in half and throwing me into the water.
When i come back to the surface all i can see is my supply of wheat biscuits
floating all around me.
But i am worried about the hippo coming coming back.
As i have a look all around me i notice that the wheat biscuits are starting to
break down and turn gluggy.
I try to swim to the shore but the water isn’t water anymore.
Those wheat biscuits have turned the water into quick sand.
I kick and fight with all of my might.
But it is no use.
I soon start to tire with only my nose above the surface.
I have a last breath than i am swallowed on down.
Those damn wheat biscuits were the devil in disguise.
In the back of my mind i knew there was something about them.
They didn’t taste quite right.
And i have paid the ultimate price.
Hopefully you can all make it to my funeral.
I have become the latest victim of a silent epidemic.
So keep your wits about you and be careful with what you eat
Because there is a killer out there.
A evil cunning cereal killer.