If you are taking a drive along the lonely roads of southern Arkansas.
You will come across a wobbly old sign ‘Melons For Sale’
But let me give you a word of advice.
Just buy your melons and be on your way.
Better still ignore the sign and keep on going.
And don’t look back.
The owner of the melon farm is a cranky old timer named Sam Hendry.
He has a reputation as a man not to mess with.
But he sure does know his melons
He grows any type of melon that you could ever want.
But watermelons are his speciality.
They are his pride and joy.
Just hand over your money and be on your way
Don’t try to haggle over the price.
Water melon Sam got his nickname when he was a little lad.
He would eat up to ten watermelons every single day.
In fact nobody has ever seen him eat anything else.
He would demolish those melons seeds and all.
As the water ran down his chin Sam would stare off into space.
Rubbing his crotch with a creepy evil grin.
Sam Hendry has loved on the farm all of his life.
It has been in his family for five generations.
But this generation will be the last.
Watermelon Sam is now forty five years old.
And in that time he has never ventured more than fifty miles.
Once a month he drives into town to buy his supplies.
Then he scurries on back home.
The outside world doesn’t interest him at all.
All he wants is to be left alone with his melons.
If you leave him alone he will give you no harm
But if you disturb his isolation he will kill you in a heartbeat.
At fifteen Sam took a life for the first time.
In fact he took two.
He decided that his parents were getting in the way so they had to go.
He tied them to chairs in the kitchen and force fed them watermelon
until they choked.
He got all hard and excited as he watched his mother and father breathe
their last breath.
He never loved his parents when they were alive.
But he smiled and welcomed their death.
He left them tied to the chairs for over a week
Until they started to stink and become over ripe.
Than he buried them out in the water melon patch.
Over the following weeks he watched in amazement as his melons grew
like never before.
Obviously his new fertiliser is working wonders.
Nothing is better for your garden than human blood and bone.
Thirty years later and Sam is digging in his garden when a car drives into the farm.
He hates the intrusion,but at the same time he knows that the tourists supply him
with his needs.
They spend their money and take away a melon and a little taste of his ma and pa.
While others stay behind to supply nutrients for his melons.
You might of heard about the missing tourists on the evening news.
Every few months or so for the last thirty years.
A tourist has gone missing in Southern Arkansas.
The last tourist went missing three days ago.
Michael Tomkins was a businessman from Kansas who was on his way
home to his family.
But he made a huge mistake he decided to stop at a farm to buy some melons.
Watermelon Sam heard the car drive arrive and came to the decision that this tourist wasn’t going home.
So he put a smile on his face and acted real nice as the guy got out of his car.
‘Howdy there what can i do for ya? Michael is a little taken aback by this odd looking
But he smiles and says ‘Just a few Melons to take back to Kansas’
Watermelon Sam shows him over to the melon patch and tells the tourist to pick out the
melons that he wants.
Right in the middle of the patch is a freshly dug hole seven foot long and three foot deep.
Michael turns and asks and Sam ‘What is that hole for? Are you going to bury a dead calf?
Watermelon Sam shakes his head and says ‘No,I am going to bury a dead human’
It takes a second for the words to compute in Michael’s brain.
He goes to run but he doesn’t get very far.
Watermelon Sam picks up a pitchfork and runs it through Michael’s stomach.
Michael wriggles like fish on the end of a hook.
The pitchfork is stuck fast so Sam walks him over to the hole and drops him in.
Blood is gurgling from the tourists mouth but Sam couldn’t care less.
He puts his foot on his chest and after a struggle the pitchfork comes free.
Words are coming from the mouth of the dying man .
Sam doesn’t listen he covers him in three feet of dirt and walks away.
Sam is feeling mighty pleased with himself.
He is sitting on his front porch looking out over his garden.
If he owned a banjo he would be playing it right now.
But his hands are full.
He is devouring yet another watermelon.
He eats that melon like a man possessed.
But he is eating way too fast and one of the seeds goes down the wrong way.
Sam starts to choke he coughs and hacks trying to bring up that seed.
But all he achieves is to swallow that seed even further.
But at least he can breathe normally again.
Sam has no idea what is happening inside his body.
That seed has lodged inside his gut and has started to germinate.
A few days later Sam is starting to feel unwell and a bit bloated.
He hasn’t been to the toilet for two days.
He is backed up all the way to hell.
Sam rally needs to poo.
He stumbles around his watermelon patch like a crazy man.
Than he feels a tickle from his arsehole.
Maybe there is some relief after all.
He pulls down his pants and squats over his blessed earth.
A watermelon root sprouts from his arse and makes a bee line into the
Sam tries to stand but he is stuck fast.
Mire roots appear from every orifice in his body.
Sam starts to panic.
Maybe if he can take a shit he can escape from this torture?
So he pushes and strains trying to open his bowels.
Sam is sweating with the effort God am i am shitting a bowling Ball?’
It isn’t a bowling ball but a huge watermelon.
Sams arsehole is stretched to the limit.
Then it snaps.
The watermelon plops out quickly followed by his intestines and something
that might be his colon or prostate.
Sam starts to pray and ask for forgiveness.
But it is way too little way too fucking late.
All of the roots have travelled down his body and taken anchor.
For watermelon Sam there is to be no escape.
Another root has sprouted from his shrivelled cock and out of his piss hole.
And it buries itself into the ground.
As Sam struggles for his life a hundred pair of hands appear from the tainted
His mother and father pull the hardest.
They want to make sure that their son cant hurt anybody else.
They pull and pull all the way down to the earths core.