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Mr Sticky Tape Man

04 Friday Nov 2016

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There are only two days to Christmas.

And as usual i have left my gift shopping to the last minute.

I race to the shopping centre buying everything by impulse.

After a few hours my credit has reached its limit.

Another year of Christmas has come to an end.

 

Arriving back at home i have a quick meal

Than it is time to start wrapping the gifts.

It takes a while but i finally locate a roll of sticky tape in

the bottom drawer.

I quickly wrap the presents and place them under the Christmas tree.

 

After i put the last present under the tree.

I notice that a tiny piece of sticky tape is stuck to my left thumb.

I don’t think too much about it.

I do some tidying up and run myself a bath.

 

As i wait for the water to fill.

I try to peel off that pesky piece of sticky tape.

But it want come off.

Try as i might that tape is stuck like super glue.

But i am sure that once i soak in the bath for a while it will

peel right off.

 

After soaking for five minutes i try once more to rid myself

from that tape.

It is only a tiny bit about 3 millimetres square so it is hard to get

on hold of.

I pull and pull but it is stuck fast.

I am still sure that it is nothing.

So if it is still there in the morning i will drive to the hospital

and have it removed.

 

When i wake up in the morning my left thumb is throbbing

That tiny piece of sticky tape has grown and it is now covering

the whole thumb.

Okay now it is time to have this tape removed.

 

As i drive towards the hospital that sticky is growing right before

my eyes.

It is now covering my left hand and heading up to my wrist.

 

After waiting for over an hour i am finally shown into the doctors

office.

And in that hour that sticky tape has now almost reached my elbow.

I show the doctor my arm explaining about the sticky tape that seems

to be growing up my arm.

He gives me a look suggesting that i am a complete idiot ‘Not a problem

once we soak the your arm in a alcohol solution the tape will peel

right away’

 

After soaking my arm for a few minutes the doctor returns to complete

the procedure.

He has one look my my arm and says ‘That’s strange the tape hasn’t been

affected by the solution at all’

“If anything it seems to be growing further’

 

The doctor is right the sticky tape is now past my elbow and heading

towards my shoulder.

The doctor cuts my shirt away to examine the tape more closely

Than i am wheeled away for scans and x rays.

 

Before i know what is happening i am taken into an isolation room.

My clothes are removed and replaced with a hospital gown.

The doctor enters the room wearing a hazmat suit.

‘I am sorry to tell you but the sticky tape isn’t only growing externally

But it is also growing internally’

‘The tape is now permanently part of your arm’

‘And the only way to stop the tape invading the rest of your body is to

amputate your arm’

 

I know that sooner or later the sticky tape will cover the whole of my

body.

But at the same time i don’t want to lose my arm.

I soon get a reprieve if you can call it that.

The sticky tape is growing so fast it is now past my shoulder.

And creeping up my neck.

 

I press the distress button to summon the nurse.

She runs in wearing one of those hazmat suits

I explain that i am worried about the sticky tape growing over

my neck and blocking my airways.

She reassures me that my breathing isn’t been affected.

The doctor enters the room and he notices that the sticky tape

is moving fast

It is now way too late to amputate my arm.

But i can see by the look on his face that he has some bad news.

 

He tells me that  the sample of the tape had been sent away for analysis

and the results are back ‘The people in the lab after running exhaustive

tests have come to the conclusion that the compounds in the tape don’t

match any known data bases.’

 

My head is spinning as i take in the doctors words.

Does that mean my body has been invaded by an alien being?

The doctor is still talking “The technicians also discovered a strange

bacteria growing on the sticky tape.And this bacteria is what is causing

the tape to grow”

 

The doctor is still yapping “People from the National Disease Control

Centre are on their way to examine you’

“So you will be kept in isolation to contain this bacteria so that it cant

spread and infect the human race”

 

Two orderlies enter the room

And with a nod from the doctor they handcuff both of my hands to the bed

Then without another word the doctor and the orderlies leave the room

Now i am sealed all alone in a isolation chamber with a bacteria from outer

space.

 

And i know one thing for sure.

And that is once the people from the NDCC arrive i will be a dead man.

They will perform all sorts of tests probes and experiments.

Then i will be given a lethal injection and taken to a secret location and

buried in an unmarked location.

 

I cant let this happen.

So i will have to come up with a escape plan.

But first i will have to find a a way to get out of these cuffs.

As i contemplate the dilemma i realise the sticky tape has now

completely covered my whole body.

 

I lift up the hospital gown to check and my worst fears are confirmed

Where my genitals once were there is now nothing but a sticky tape mound

But i have more pressing matters at hand i can worry about my genitals

later.

 

I wriggle my hands and the bacteria must have entered my head.

Because the sticky tape around my hands begins to unravel.

Giving me just enough room to slip the cuffs.

I am now free from the restraints but i am still locked in a sealed chamber.

But there is one thing that i have learnt.

Never under estimate the power of the sticky tape.

From my head down to my toes the tape starts to unravel.

Layer by layer it peels away taking my skin bones organs and DNA with it.

 

 

The sticky tape travels down corridors stairwells and bathroom stalls until it

finds a way out into the sunlight.

The sticky tape is carried on the wind and i feel myself floating through the air.

Than the tape starts to rotate and cell by cell bone by bone and organ by

organ i am slowly being reconstructed.

 

I find myself standing completely naked in what looks like a cave.

Man it is cold i could really need to find some clothes.

And than get the fuck out of here.

At least i am now free from that sticky tape

Hopefully it has gone back to where it came from.

 

I decide to explore the cave and hopefully find some sort of clothing.

After a few minutes trying to find a way out i see a shaft of light coming

from around the corner of the cave.

 

I race towards the light but i soon pull up short.

Because blocking the exit is a giant ball of sticky tape.

It is pulsating and glowing and i am being drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

 

I walk forward.

 

What will happen next?

To find out out the answer to that question you will have to come back and

read Part Two.

It is that simple.

Cereal Killer ( Part Two )

29 Saturday Oct 2016

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In part one i told you all about the cereal killers lurking in

your pantry and on the supermarket shelves.

So throw out the cereal in your pantry and leave them on the

shelf.

Because cereal really is a killer.

 

Part Two

Robert Summerhill is enjoying a rare day off work.

He is employed at the local sawmill but it is good to have some down time.

Robert amazingly still has all his fingers and thumbs attached.

But at the moment he isn’t thinking about work.

He is preparing his favourite breakfast.

A huge bowl of rice puffs.

 

Robert is 39 years old now and he has had a bowl of rice puffs every

morning since he was five.

He knows that rice puffs are really only for kids.

But he just cant help himself.

They taste so damn fine.

Like a little piece of heaven.

 

Robert is seated at the kitchen table enjoying his tasty treat.

But he is eating way too fast.

And one of those little rice puffs escapes his spoon and lands in

his beard.

And it burrows in deep.

 

After washing the dish’es Robert goes about his day.

He runs some errands and has lunch with some friends.

He returns home to mow the lawn before relaxing on the lounge.

After a few hours watching some TV he has something to eat.

Before brushing his teeth and going to bed.

 

Twenty minutes later there is some movement in his beard.

That little rice puff is on the march.

Slowly it makes its way up Roberts face before entering Roberts

left nostril.

But it doesn’t stop there.

It keeps on burrowing until it pierces Roberts Brain.

 

In the morning Robert wakes up with a splitting headache.

And a nasty nose bleed.

He takes two panadol and plugs his nostril with toilet paper.

Today is a work day so he sits down to have a bowl of rice puffs

But he isn’t feeling himself today and after a couple of spoonfuls

he pushes the bowl away.

And has a cup of coffee instead.

 

Driving to work Robert really isn’t feeling well.

His head is still throbbing and his nose is still bleeding.

Plus his right hand is starting to shake like it has a mind of its own.

But Robert isn’t that worried he probably just has some hay fever

or something.

 

Arriving at work Roberts workmates tell him that he looks like shit

and maybe he should go back home.

But Robert is the only employee with experience on the band saw.

So he decides to stay so all of the orders are filled.

 

Robert takes a few more panadol and walks over to the band saw and

turns it on.

All of a sudden his head feels like it is going to explode.

He is seeing spots before his eyes and his right hand is starting

to shake again.

 

Robert feels detached from the whole situation he is there but at the same time

he isn’t

His right hand has now taken control of his body.

Robert is powerless to stop what is about to happen

With one slice his left arm is detached at the elbow.

Than he has another go and his whole arm disappears in a blood red mist.

Robert takes one of his last breaths he climbs up onto the band saw and

severs his left leg at the thigh.

His right leg soon follows in an arterial spray.

All Robert can feel is something crawling around in his brain.

 

Well there is only one way to fix that problem.

So Robert lines up his head and slowly his body moves towards the razor

sharp blades.

And with one slice his head is separated from his body.

Roberts head lands in the saw dust with a bloody thud.

 

The band saw is still whirring and whinging.

But Robert doesn’t hear a thing.

Because Robert is dead.

 

As Roberts head lays there in the saw dust and blood

A little rice puff falls from Roberts nose.

And is blown away on the wind.

 

Elizabeth Clutterbuck is feeling mighty uncomfortable.

She hasn’t moved her bowels in five days.

The way things are going she want have to buy any toilet paper

for a whole year.

Elizabeth really needs to drop a crap.

And she needs to do it now.

 

Elizabeth doesn’t understand.

She has been eating all bran since she was a child.

And it has always kept her nice and regular.

But now she is backed up all the way to California.

All she wants to do is sit on the toilet and let nature take its

course.

 

Elizabeth doesnt know what to do.

She eats ten bowls of all bran everyday plus she drinks five

litres of water.

But still there isn’t any movement downstairs.

Elizabeth is so clogged up she is even contemplating seeing a

proctologist.

But she doesn’t want anyone poking and prodding back there.

So she eat another bowl of all bran to ponder the situation.

 

Elizabeth is now so bloated and full of gas she is almost floating

on the ceiling.

The only thing keeping her grounded is her weight.

Because she isn’t getting rid of her waste she is really packing

on the kilos.

Last week she weighed 65kg now she tips the scales at 84.

When she looks in the mirror she can hardly recognise herself

Her face is all puffed up and distorted.

She looks like a female elephant man.

 

Elizabeth decides to stop eating altogether.

Well everything except the all bran.

She will never stop eating her favourite cereal.

But Elizabeth is her own worst enemy.

Instead of having a bowl of all bran just for breakfast

She has a bowl every hour on the  hour.

Her body cant get rid of all that bran

And it has settled in her bowel and intestines like cement.

It isn’t going anywhere.

 

After eating yet another bowl of all bran Elizabeth goes into the

bathroom and sits on the throne.

But there still isn’t any movement at the station.

She is afraid to look at the mirror.

But she has a quick glance and almost dies from fright.

 

She now looks like a human beach ball.

Her skin is stretched almost to the limit.

She turns away and rolls onto the bathroom scales.

Yesterday she weighed 84 kg now she is up to 98.

Thirty kilos above her normal weight.

Elizabeth hangs her head and starts to cry.

How has it all come to this?

 

And because she hasn’t been to the bathroom in eight days

Her house is starting to stink.

Because her waste isn’t leaving her body in the normal way.

It is beginning to seep through her skin.

Her skin is now the colour of a very bad fake tan

Not a good look.

 

But finally there is some good news.

Elizabeth finally has that feeling again.

You know that feeling when you need to do a shit.

She races to the bathroom.

Well races isn’t the right word because Elizabeth now weighs over

120 kilos.

She sits on the toilet and it starts to buckle.

 

Elizabeth jumps from the toilet before it breaks.

But she comes face to face with the bathroom mirror.

And she is expanding at a rapid rate.

Her skin is stretched to overload.

 

Elizabeth doesn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

She just explodes.

Like an over ripe water melon her body flies in all directions

Blood gore and shit cover the bathroom from floor to ceiling

 

 

Elizabeth a much loved mother and daughter is the latest victim

of a cereal killer.

People i am telling you now there is a cereal killer out there.

So take care

Beware.

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anthill Bill

14 Friday Oct 2016

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It is a dark and stormy night.

And i am laying in bed all alone.

I toss and turn but i cant get to sleep.

My bladder is telling me that it is full.

I can’t believe it i only went an hour ago.

I must have a bladder the size of a walnut.

I really need to urinate right now.

 

I am all bleary eyed as i make my way to the bathroom.

It is a work night so i need to do a quick pee and go back to bed.

So i open my pyjama pants and shake hands with shorty.

It takes some coaxing but eventually my urine starts to flow.

I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief.

God it feels like i am pissing a river.

Than i get a feeling that is completely fucked and brain numbing.

 

I open my eyes and look down.

The toilet is completely covered in about a thousand ants.

Little black specks of movement.

I try to move but i am totally transfixed.

I get the shock of my life as those ants start to swim up my Stream

Against the flow.

Just like sockeye salmon that swim upstream to spawn.

These little black ants are on a mission.

I still cant move as i watch those ants swim up the eye of my penis.

I lean into the sink and am violently sick.

 

As i recover i realise that my member is still hanging out.

I go to tuck it back in when i notice one huge motherfucking ant

I almost died right there and then.

That huge black ant was swimming in the last drop of urine near

my pee hole.

I try to shake it loose but it is no use.

That fucker squeezes it way all the way up my urethra

 

The pain is intense as that ant travels the length of my penis.

And i dont like to brag.

But it takes a whole lot of travelling.

Than the pain goes away so that ant reaches its destination.

I realise that that ant must be the head honcho.

The big lean and mighty mean queen.

 

I don’t know what to do as i walk around in a daze.

A thousand and one ants have invaded my body

Is that enough ants to start a colony?

God am i going to be a human ant nest?

I can feel all of the ants moving around inside my body.

They are making themselves right at home.

Like a thousand and one indoor plants.

 

I need to go to the toilet again.

Maybe i can piss those ants back out again.?

But no such luck my stream is ant free.

Than i hear mu alarm sounding off from my bedroom.

Jesus i am supposed to go to work today.

But how can i when my body has been invaded?

I will have to call in sick.

What can i use as an excuse?

 

 

Sorry i cant make it in today my body has been invaded by a shit load

of ants’

My supervisor would get out the butterfly net.

So i ring and say ‘Bill Hamilton here i want be in today because

my pet rock has just died’

There that should do it.

Nothing is wrong here everything is hunky dory.

All is good except for the embarasment and the pee hole pain.

 

i run around in a panic as i contemplate my next move

Than i feel a sharp pain in my ankles.

I lift up my pants and see the ants moving around.around under

my skin.

I feel their mandibles start to chew and saw.

My nerve endings are on fire as those ants chew through tendons and sinew.

I lose all feelings in my lower extremities.

My ankles are now completely useless and can no longer support my weight.

And just like umpty dumpty i have a great fall.

 

Now the ants are crawling all around inside my body.

I can see and feel them under my skin.

I feel them near my nostrils than behind my eyeballs.

I try to scream for help but all i can manage is a feeble croak.

While inside the ants are doing a complete body rearrange.

 

I know that the only change of have to survive is to somehow

make it outside.

I ignore the pain from my throbbing ankles.

And start to drag myself towards the back door.

I make it into the laundry but the fucking door is closed.

I cant stand up to turn the handle.

Maybe if i bang against the door loud enough .

One of my neighbours will come to investigate.

 

God the ants are driving me crazy.

It feels like i am being eaten alive.

I look at the back door but i am still out of reach.

Those fucking ants are now chewing at the back of my neck.

I feel a sharp pain at the top of my spine.

My body is on fire as those ants chow down on my bone marrow.

Than i cant feel a thing.

I am paralysed from the neck down

Man those ants are really going to town.

 

I am now completely covered in ants inside and out.

Only two feet from safety might it might as well be a mile.

My body is no longer mine.

Than the ants start to tear all my clothes off.

And piece by piece they carry it outside.

Five hours later i am left naked on the laundry floor.

The ants crawl in and out of every hole in my body.

As they transform me into a human ant hill.

God don’t these little fuckers ever take a rest?

 

As those ants come back from outside they back back a tiny piece

of mud.

It takes the ants two days to completely cover me.

I am now officially a real life human ant nest.

Every part of my body is sealed except my mouth and arsehole.

My nose is plugged and my eyes are sealed.

Even though i can no longer cry.

I still say a final tearful goodbye.

 

I dread to think what the ants are doing inside of my body.

Will they now use my veins and arteries as a means to bet around?

My lungs would make a good nursery to raise their young.

Maybe they could use my ribs as food racks?

But i know one thing for sure.

And that is the ants will now use my flesh as food.

They will no longer have to go outside to forage.

My body is a living food pantry.

But they better be quick because once i die,

I will start to rot and burst.

 

I now live in a state of suspension.

My body is still in the laundry but my mind has gone somewhere else.

I can feel the ants moving around in my cranium.

God i hope they don’t eat my brain first.

Even though i am now a human ant hill.

I still want to live a little longer.

But i can feel myself getting weaker and weaker.

While the ants are getting stronger and stronger.

 

I feel them chewing and gnawing on my eyeballs.

I am a human smorgasbord.

All you can eat no surcharge.

As long as the ants eat my heart and brain last.

A few more seconds alive on this earth.

But i know that soon my body will start to shut down.

As all of my organs are bisected and digested.

And even though i can’t feel anything.

I still feel mighty sore.

 

I know that once my meat and organs are eaten.

Than by all means and purposes i will no longer exist.

I will be nothing more than a frame.

My skeleton will provide the ants with a human tent.

A custom built brand new home.

Now the ants can start producing babies and honey.

 

My time is almost up my mind is losing focus.

So while i still have a chance i will say goodbye.

I would cry but i cant shed a tear.

I know that sooner or later my body will be discovered

Family or a friend will report me missing.

Imagine their surprise when they find an anthill in the middle

of the laundry.

Or maybe they want notice and take it as part of the decor.

 

I can read my tombstone now.

 

Here lies Bill Hamilton

28/07/1961   –  15/10/16

He died in the shape of an ant hill

May he rest in peace

But he probably never will.

 

THE END

Mr Tornado Man

07 Friday Oct 2016

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I cant believe how hot it is.

My skin is stuck to the leather seats in my 65 Buick.

I am sweating buckets all i want to do is get home and sit in front

of the air con

I wind down the window to try and catch a breeze.

The eagles are playing on the radio but they dont put my mind at ease.

 

Big black clouds are rolling in full of rain and destruction

It is storm season in Wichita  the city of my birth.

I have lived in the tornado belt my whole life.

So i know the damage and heartache that they bring.

My stomach sinks and my heart fills with sorrow.

I say a little prayer and hope that i see tomorrow.

 

Over the years my town has been demolished a time or two.

Tornado’s push people to the limit till they reach the edge.

So i race home as fast as i can to try and get my family to safety.

But there is one huge road block.

In the shape of one huge motherfucking tornado.

It is easily two miles across and blocks the horizon.

This tornado is as black as the blackest souls in hell.

I push the pedal to the metal with a banshee yell.

 

As i race down the road dodging flying road signs and debris

I know that i have made one huge mistake.

How did i think that i could outrun a freaking tornado?

There is now not a chance in hell of reaching my house in time

I can only hope that my wife and kids have made to the underground

shelter.

The windmill in my head is going all helter  skelter.

 

The tornado hits me like a ton of bricks

My car is airborne and the sound is like a hundred freight trains

Or a thousand waterfalls.

I grip the steering wheel as tight as i can.

As i get tossed around like a sock in a washing machine.

My eyes are closed so maybe i am only dreaming?

But when i open them i am not laying in bed.

I am in an eye of a tornado instead.

 

I am spinning so fast i almost black out and i really wish that

i did.

I spin even faster like an out of control flight simulator.

My brain has reached it’s limit and is about to crash.

Than i am free falling when i am spat out of the twister.

Spat out like a regurgitated piece of meat.

Will i land turned around and upside down?

Or on my white walled set of wheels?

 

 

Luckily i land in the middle of a lake like a jettisoned  space

shuttle.

But than i get this sinking feeling my car is going down fast.

About twenty feet down i hit rock bottom with a thud.

 

The windows are all up so no water enters immediately.

But i know that i have to get out of here fast.

I push against the glass but it wont budge

The doors are all sealed shut from the water pressure.

Now i really start to panic as my air starts to run out.

So this is how i come to the end of my life?

I close my eyes and say goodbye to my kids and lovely wife.

 

I put my hand up against the car window

And take my last look at the outside world.

And make one last wish.

Than my hand turns into a fist and starts to spin.

My whole arm is spinning like a pneumatic drill.

The window shatters and i start to rise like Phenonix or Neptune

But without a trident or a staff.

But i know one thing right now i could really use a canoe or a raft

 

When i hit the surface i an still 500 yards from the shore

Swimming isn’t one of my strong suits

But i really have no choice in the matter

So i start to swim freestyle towards the bank.

I wish that my legs would give me a better kick.

And than they do.

My legs start to spin like twin outboard motors

And they take me to my objective.

But i am going way too fast and will surely crash into the sand

 

But i dont crash.

Because at the last second my legs stop spinning.

And i glide right up onto the shore.

I stand up on solid ground it sure feels good to be back on terra

firma.

But what is the go with my limbs spinning like crazy?

Is it a symptom from being inside a tornado?

Will the weird side affects all go away?

Or are they here to stay?

 

Well there is only one way to find out

So i hold out my arms and tell them to spin

And they do.

My legs spin at the same command.

Am i now part human or some sort of tornado machine?

Even though i might look the same i am no longer me.

Maybe God has a master plan.

I look to the sky and christen myself Mr tornado man.

 

So am i now a superhero?

Am i supposed to save damsels in distress?

Could i jump a building in a single bound?

Or scale a wall like spiderman?

I hope i dont have to wear a costume with a long cape

Or heaven forbid a pair of bright green tights.

I want to help the public not scare them out of their wits.

Maybe i should just go back to what i was before

A scared nobody with a face full of zits.

 

But it is too late to back down now.

I am now an apprentice superhero.

So i should start to act like one.

My arms and legs start to twitch they are ready for some action.

But my nerves start to get the best of me.

Do superhero’s have a union or workers compensation?

Is it good or bad to be a new sensation?

 

I stand there adjusting my imaginary set of tights.

Then i remember that my family could be buried under a pile

of rubble.

Everybody in Wichita could really do with some help.

Am i up for it?

I take a deep breath and puff out my chest like a superhero should.

Deep down i know that i am ready for the fight.

I will do the best that i can.

The people of Kansas can rely on Mr tornado man.

 

My inbuilt GPS system tells me that that my home town is 100

miles to the west.

As soon as i think that thought my body starts to spin and gyrate

I spin like that Tasmanian devil in that old cartoon.

I just hope that i don’t end up in my own loony tune.

 

 

 

I am travelling so fast i turn the road into a liquid

And i reach Wichita in record time.

I cant find my home in all the piles of misery.

I go from house to house with my limbs digging trying to find

any survivors.

But i dont find anybody

My first assignment has ended in a total lack of success.

I will try harder next time God bless.

 

I am supposed to be a superhero

But i failed the acid test.

Maybe i need an offsider or live in a bat cave?

Or i should have worn those shiny green tights?

But would it have made a difference?

But dont forget that i am an apprentice  superhero

I am still learning the ropes.

Next time i will have a better plan.

And be a new improved Mr Tornado Man

 

Than i hear a sound in the rubble.

A Foetus And Me ( Part Two )

30 Friday Sep 2016

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Part One

In the first instalment we learnt that my name is Brett Stevens

And i have just turned fourteen.

My parents told me that we had to have a talk.

I thought it was that TALK

And now i wish that it was.

What my parents told me came as a complete surprise.

 

 

My father showed me an x ray

It was an x ray of my chest taken a couple of years prior

when i had cracked a rib playing soccer.

I had a close look at that x ray and my mouth dropped open.

For attached to a bottom rib on my right side was what looked

like a tiny foetus.

 

My mother said that it was more than likely the foetus of my

twin brother.

And that when we were developing he died and somehow my body

absorbed him.

 

A dead baby was attached to my rib.

Over the following weeks i became obsessed with that foetus.

I began to rub that rib constantly.

My parents were concerned about my behaviour and they took

me to see a psychologist.

And while i was laying on his couch the foetus erupted out of

my body attached to a umbilical cord.

 

The psychologist jumped back in shock clutching his chest.

And he collapsed to the floor dead.

After doing the deed the foetus crawled back inside me.

 

A month or so after that i was having a bath with the foetus laying

on my stomach.

The foetus told me that when he gets a chance he will kill my

parents so he doesn’t have to share me with anyone.

‘No’ I scream

And that is exactly what the foetus wanted me to do.

 

My parents burst into the bathroom to see what all the noise was

about.

Then they both notice the foetus and before they can scream.

The foetus springs forward with a pair of scissors.

And it murdered my parents.

 

I have had enough so i grab hold of that umbilical cord and go to

chew it in half.

The foetus tells me ‘Don’t do it Brett if you bite the cord both of us will

die”

 

Part Two.

I dont know what to.

But eventually i release that cord and sit on the toilet seat numb with

shock.

I look at my parents laying on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood.

That fucking foetus is going to pay.

I phone the police and wait for them to arrive.

 

But what can i tell them?

That a foetus living inside my body killed my parents.?

They will think that i am crazy.

But it is too late now to back out the police are here.

 

I go to the front door and let them into my nightmare.

Two detectives walk in and i tell them that my parents are dead

in the bathroom.

One of the detectives stays with me while the other  one goes to

have a look.

 

Soon he returns with a bloody pair of scissors in a plastic baggie.

I used those scissors this morning so my fingerprints will be all

over them.

I am told to turn around than i feel a pair of handcuffs close over my

wrists.

‘Okay son what happened here?

I start to tell them all about the foetus inside me.

But i decide to remain silent and i am led away.

 

On the road to the precinct all i can think about is my parents being

murdered by a deranged foetus.

How in the fuck is this happening?

 

Speaking of the devil just than that foetus emerges and crawls up onto

my chest.

Like a new born waiting for his mothers milk.

I am repulsed i cant believe that that evil foetus is part of me.

I look at that murderous piece of attachment.

And the shit hits the diaphram.

I grab hold of its umbilical cord and start to chew.

 

Before the cops notice that i have a reborn reborn companion i decide

to stop chewing.

Glad for the reprieve the foetus scurries back inside me.

And takes its cord with him.

 

I am held in custody overnight

And in the morning i am brought before a judge.

When she enters the courtroom we are all told to rise.

But it is hard to stand when your feet are shackled and your hands

are cuffed.

Plus orange isn’t really my colour.

 

A couple of sheriffs drag me to my feet and judge Coltrane speaks

‘Mr Stevens you are charged with two counts of murder how do you

plead?”

‘Not guilty your honour’

Your plea has been entered you will remain in custody without bail

until your next hearing’

‘If you are found guilty by your peers i will be recommending the death

penalty’

 

What? what ? what?

I haven’t killed anybody i cant stay quiet any longer ‘But your honour

i didn’t kill my parents’

‘My unborn twin brother did it his foetus erupted from my body and he

stabbed them with the scissors’

 

The courtroom fills with laughter and gasps of shock.

The judge has heard enough so she brings down her gavel ‘ Take the prisoner

away for  an immediate psychological examination’

‘This hearing is adjourned’

 

I am led away and taken back to my holding cell.

I cant believe that i am being charged with the murder of my parents.

Surely justice will prevail and i will be found innocent.

 

My cell door opens

And a doctor looking like person walks in and introduces himself as

Doctor Epstein.

And he starts to ask me questions that i dont really want to answer.

His moronic questions seem to go on forever.

I scream at him ‘I am telling you that i didn’t do it’

I lift up my shirt to show him the hole in my side

But there is nothing to be seen.

My skin is free from any sort of blemishes.

There isn’t even a mole.

I cant believe it.

 

The psychologist leans in for a closer look and i scream at him not

to get too close.

 

Just than an umbilical cord comes flying out and it wraps around

the doctors throat.

And the foetus drags him towards the opening.

The doctor struggles for his life but he cant fight off the foetus.

 

The doctors head disappears into my body cutting off his breathing

He continues to fight so i hold his head until he chokes to death.

His bowels release there contents and the cell fills with the smell

of shit.

I kick the doctor to the floor and smile at my partner in crime.

The foetus smiles back he really is my evil twin.

 

The foetus crawls up onto my shoulder until we are eye to eye.

Than we start to sort of meld and weld together until we are conjoined.

We keep on melding and welding until we have become a creature of the

unknown.

 

I hope you enjoyed reading this story.

Keep an eye out for Part Three coming soon.

The Goats & The Pop Tart Princess (Part Two)

04 Sunday Sep 2016

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In Part One of this story i told you about a princess that lives

up Cessnock way.

She is princess Tanya AKA The pop tart princess.

 

Tanya is called the pop tart princess because she has a fondness

for sugar and well pop tarts.

Tanya believes that pop tarts and sugar are part of a food group.

And princess Tanya has an even greater fondness.

 

One day she heard a scared bleat coming from the scrub near her

place.

She investigated and discovered a goat cowering and frightened.

Hiding from her cruel master.

 

Princess Tanya took the abused goat home.

And she gave that goat all of her love and affection.

She fed that goat and looked after it 24/7.

The goat and the pop tart princess were soon inseparable.

After about a month the goat and has begun to settle.

The pop tart princess gave the goat a big hug.

And named her Gretel.

Is this a fairy tale ?

Will they live happily ever after?

 

Part Two

Tanya the pop tart princess isn’t a real princess you know.

Her parents aren’t the king and queen of a nation.

And her family doesn’t live in a castle.

 

Tanya is a princess in another way.

With little fuss she goes about feeding her collection of cats and dogs

And of course the latest addition Gretel the goat.

All of the animals look up at her in wonder.

They know that they are in a special place.

As they gobble down their food they say a little prayer and a God bless.

Because to them Tanya is a real princess.

 

Early the next morning Tanya is having a breakfast of a dozen pop tarts

and a bowl of sugar lol

And smoking a cigarette as the sun begins to rise.

With a last bite and a final puff she goes out to check on her four legged

friends.

She notices that Gretel has a swollen belly.

So she is straight on the phone to the vet.

The pop tart princess would die if anything happened to her new pet.

 

But Tanya knows that she is being silly

There is nothing wrong with Gretel.

She is pregnant of course.

The vet arrives and he soon confirms Tanya’s prognosis.

And there is an added bonus.

Gretel isnt only pregnant not only with one kid

She is having twins.

Princess Tanya’s heart melts and fills with joy.

She is going to be a grandmother of a girl and a boy.

 

The pop tart princess celebrates with a tasty sweet treat.

Then she starts to prepare for the birth.

Maybe she can convert the spare room into a nursery?

And paint it pink and blue.

But Goats dont belong inside a house

Gretel would probably eat everything but the kitchen sink

Plus goats exactly known for their table manners

No Gretel will be comfortable enough in her enclosure out

near the garden shed.

It has been a long day so Tanya smokes one last cigarette

And toddles off to bed.

 

A few months later and the big day is here.

Gretel is ready to give birth.

She is having bad contractions and bleats out in pain.

Princess Tanya whispers words of encouragement

And Gretel responds with an almighty push.

A tiny head emerges followed by a slimy little body.

And a tiny female kid goat slides onto the straw.

Five minutes later and her twin brother joins her in this world.

Gretel the dutiful mother smiles and licks her offspring clean

And princess Tanya is happier than she has ever been.

 

The two kid goats are named Lola and Zephr

And they light up Tanya’s life

She cares for them like they are her own children.

She would do anything for her goats

Than mother nature hands Tanya a curse

And princess Tanya’s life takes a turn for the worse.

 

She is playing with her goats in the backyard.

When she notices that little Zephr has gone missing

He must have found a way through the back fence.

Princess Tanya calls out yelling his name.

But from Zephr there is no sound.

Maybe the council ranger has mistaken Zephr as a dog

And has taken him to the  local pound?

 

But deep down in her heart princess Tanya knows that Zephr

isn’t coming home.

After the yard and surrounds with no success.

Zephr is finally located out the back near his enclosure.

And there isn’t any good news.

He is laying on the ground and he isn’t breathing.

On closer inspection it looks like Zephr has been bitten by a

snake.

Princess Tanya cries a river as her heart begins to break.

 

The following days and weeks are nothing but a blur.

Princess Tanya is barely functioning.

She is living her life on auto pilot.

Gretel and Lola dont understand what is happening.

Why doesn’t Zephr answer their calls?

They run up and down the fence bleating for him to come home.

Gretel frets for her son while Lola really misses her twin brother

Zephr was an original a one of a kind.

And there will never be another.

 

Eventually life goes back to some sort of normal.

Princess Tanya gets her weekly delivery of a pallet of pop tarts

In a dozen different flavours.

And in the last few weeks or so a mystery benefactor

Has been leaving assorted vegetables and greens out near the front

fence.

Maybe the benefactor is a modern day Robin Hood?

Who takes from the greengrocer and gives to the good

 

Princess Tanya is out in the sun with her goats.

And there has been an addition to her family.

Princess Tanya has adopted another goat.

A little rascal she has named Alfie.

And it looks like Gretel’s belly has a little swell.

And maybe little Lola as well.

 

Than the screen door slams shut

And Tanya’s cattle dog Zahli and her cat Otis come out to join the

party.

Princess Tanya gives all of her animals a great big hug.

In Tanya’s house love is all that you need.

Than she gathers her animals up nice and close and takes a selfie.

Princess Tanya might be money poor.

But in her heart she is very wealthy.

 

 

THE END.

28 Scarecrows (The Finale)

01 Thursday Sep 2016

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In part four

Mawkin the ruler of all the scarecrows had just moved

into a shack on the edge of Wangaratta Victoria.

A shack previously owned by his long time protaginist

Hylan.

Who Mawkin defeated after an epic battle.

 

Mawkin was feeling lonely one night

So he sat on his front porch pulls down his pants and starts

to Masterbate.

His scarecrow seed was carried by the wind all the way into

Wangaratta and surrounds.

And 142,349 females unlucky enough to be outside at that

moment are impregnated by the evil seed.

 

Mawkin was visited by Pinnoch

The son of Hylan and his human rape victim.

Pinnoch was the first homo scarecrowian born on Earth.

 

38,492 black crowes descend on both Mawkin and Pinnoch

And they are soon overwelmed  by the black birds.

Now Mawkin and Pinnoch are nothing more than a pair of garden

ordarments.

Now they will guard Hylans garden until the end of time.

 

The finale

In Wangaratta and in the surrounding towns and hamlets

142,349 pregnant females are still in a state of disbelief

It has been six months since Mawkin ruler of all the

scarecrows masterbated into the wind impregnating  the

females with his evil seed.

 

The 142,349 females have no idea how they became pregnant.

Most of them were using contraceptives and yet they were

still impregnated.

Even the virgins couldn’t escape the scarecrow sperm.

 

So naturally tongues started to wag

Married women were with child while their husbands were away.

While their boyfriends were working in the mines or in the vineyards

Somehow their girlfriends become pregnant.

Even at the local convent 24 nuns are carrying the scarecrow seed.

They all pray to God for forgiveness but he doesn’t seem to be

listening.

They lock the doors and close all the windows.

But it is way too late an dark force has already invaded their sanctuary.

 

In a secluded shack on the edge of Wangaratta

On the very edge of existence

Two scarecrows are guarding a vegetable garden.

One is Mawkin the dead ruler of all the scarecrows

The other is Pinnoch the first homo scarecrowian born on Earth

 

If you look closely at Mawkin’s face you will see a little smirk

Even though he is longer with us Mawkin is feeling happy with

himself.

His toss off into the wind is having the desired effect.

 

The people in and around Wangaratta are still fighting amongst

themselves

Accusations are flying left right and centre

The husbands and boyfriends crowd all the pubs and bars.

Their wives and girlfriends deny any infidelity

But 142,349 females are pregnant so who is doing the dirty?

 

Back at the vegetable garden

Mawkin and Pinnoch are having an out of body communication

They are both still dead to the World

They are waiting for the right sequence of events and they will once

again breathe.

They will wait for a million years if they have to.

 

The 142,349 females know that they aren’t having a normal pregnancy

There isnt any kicking or movement from the unborn.

None of them experience any morning sickness.

But they have had all of the scans and ultra sounds

And nothing unusual shows up.

 

But they know that everything isn’t normal.

The 142,349 females know that they should have aborted

But it is way too late now.

 

High up in the mountains above Wangaratta is a large dormant

volcano.

Nearby a black crow is sitting high up in a tree.

He knows that a calamity is about to take place.

And only the black crow’es can stop it.

 

For over three hours that black crow screeches and caw’s into

the night.

All over Victoria one million black crow’es listen to the signal

They are all prepared and ready to fight.

 

On the morning of 2nd October 2016

Most of the pregnant females start to make their way to the

nearest hospital

But the 24 nuns stay where they are away from prying eyes.

 

All of the hospitals are swamped.

the hospital staff have never seen anything like it

 

The females are sent to hospitals all over the State

From Wangaratta to Ballarat Bendigo and Sheperton

All the way down to Warrambool

And every hospital in between

 

Up in the mountains near the dormant volcano

Over one million black crow’es have gathered

They fly around the crater of the volcano in an anti

clockwise direction.

They fly faster and faster  getting tighter and tighter until

they form a funnel.

Like a huge black crow tornado.

 

The black crow’es fly even faster

And the lid of the crater cracks and opens

Molten lava is drawn up from the Earths core.

And for the first time in 20 thousand years the volcano is active

 

Than one by one the black crow’es fly off to all corners of the State

Soon most of the hospitals and a small convent

Will be inundated by an army of one million black crow’es

Their objective?

Destroy and kill 142.349 homo scarecrowian babies that are born.

 

All of the black crow’es are in position

They circle the hospitals and the convent waiting for the cry of a new born

Than they will spring into action.

 

At Wangaratta base hospital a scream rings out’Get this fucking thing out of

me’

The doctors and nurses exchange nervous glances

This isn’t a happy mother

They will have to be on guard.

 

At the convent the 24 nuns are all in labour

1000 black crow’es are outside waiting for the first cry

The priests are rubbing their rosary beads praying to God

Whispering words like the Devil and the second coming of Lucifer.

 

Than it happens

The black crow’es hear a tiny whimper and fly straight threw the

windows and doors

And converge onto the stunned 24 nuns and medical staff.

The 24 new born babies dont stand a chance

The black crows pluck out the eyes and sever the vocal chords

And those 24 homo scarecrowians are carried off.

 

The 24 nuns are still too stunned to speak

But at the same time they are relieved

Those abominations are gone from their lives

Now they can just go back to being a normal nun again

 

All over the State of Victoria

Every hospital both public and private are steamrolled by the

invading black crow’es.

Who smash their way in and grab the new born from the arms of

the mothers

Once again they remove the eyeballs and sever the vocal chords

And 120.910 baby homo scarecrowians are carried away.

 

That still leaves 21,415 new born homo scarecrowians out there

somewhere still alive.

 

The black crow’es will never give until every last one of those babies

are killed.

They search from town to town from house to house.

And they want stop searching until their mission is complete.

 

A lot of the pregnant females couldn’t get to a hospital

They are forced to deliver their babies at home.

But that doesn’t deter the black crow’es

They fly to every house in every one horse town

Smashing their way inside and carting off the new born

In some cases the mothers had thrown their babies out into the

street.

Knowing that what they just gave birth to sure as fuck wasn’t human.

 

All up they locate 21,400 new born

But that still leaves 15 of those new born monsters out there

15 homo scarecrowians who could breed and wipe out human

civilisation.

 

The black crow’es use all of their hunting skills

And 2 days later the surviving new born’s are located  in a private

sanctuary down near Warrambool.

 

Those 15 survivors aren’t living and breathing.

They haven’t been born yet

Maybe they have heard about the slaughter all over the State.

And they are staying put.

 

The black crow’es are waiting and circling outside

While the husbands and boyfriends crowd the waiting room

But those 15 stragglers are coming out anytime soon.

 

After waiting for over 10 hours

The black crow’es just cant wait no more

So they storm the sanctuary like winged commamdo’s

And than they do the unthinkable

They crawl inside the vaginas and physically remove the babies

And they to are carried away.

 

142,349 female Victorians all breathe a collective sigh of relief

They are now free from the abominations

So they can now go back to their normal lives

 

Up near Wangaratta

One million black crow’es are converging on to the now active volcano

142,349 baby homo scarecrowians are carried to the edge.And after circling

a few times.

The 142,349 babies are dropped one by one into the molten lava.

 

Than the one million black crow’es go back to being normal birds again.

Their mission is now complete.

The world is free from homo scarecrowian.

 

Back at Hylan’s old shack on the edge of town

Mawkin and Pinnoch the dead scarecrows

Are no longer smirking and smiling

In fact their smiles have been turned upside down.

 

They are both hit by the down draft from the wings of the black

crow’es.

And their frowns are now frozen in place.

They have been turned to stone

 

So now and forever more they will be nothing more than ugly

garden ornaments.

And you can bet that all the birds in the neighbourhood will be

shitting all over them.

Especially the freedom fighting black crow’es.

 

THE END.

The Word Of A Bird ( Part Two )

19 Friday Aug 2016

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In Part One of this story I told how i was recently made redundant

So i decided to head west and start afresh

So i jumped into my car with plans to drive from Newcastle over

to Perth WA

 

My first stop was at the city of Broken Hill

Where i had a rest and had something to eat

I eating a burger in the local park.

When six birds landed on my table and started to chirp and talk.

 

A kookaburra magpie parrot galah falcon and an eagle

 

I fed them some of my burger.

than i said my goodbyes and returned to my car and drove away.

 

Halfway to my next stop of Ceduna i was just about to overtake a massive

road train.

When my windscreen was bombarded with a volley of bird shit.

I couldnt see where i was going so i pulled to the side of the highway.

And just as i came to a stop the road train jack knifed and landed on its side.

 

After checking the driver to make sure that he was okay

I looked at the overhead wires and see my six feathered friends

And i realise that they had just saved my life.

So before i drive off again i open the rear door of my car

And my six feathered friends fly right in.

 

A few hours later nearing Port Lincoln i needed to make a pit stop

So i drove down a dirt track to do a leak.

And the birds flew off to do their business.

Than i am attacked by a huge brown snake that injects me with

a shit load of venom.

 

I am in and out of conciousness for a few days.

The kookaburra got a belt from the car so i could apply a tourniquet

While the other birds fed me seeds and roadkill.

And the magpie gave me water.

 

In the morning of the forth day i am finally coming good

So i prop myself up against a tree trunk to recuperate

When i hear a grunt and a squeal and a large male bush pig emerges

from a bush.

 

It must weigh a 120 kilos with tusks 20 cm long

We make eye contact

Than it charges.

 

Part Two

‘Holy shit’ I cant believe that this is happening.

I am on the road trip from hell.

The rogue boar is foaming at the mouth getting ready to rip my guts out

But at the last second i manage to twist and its tusks just nick my thigh.

 

As it turns around for another charge the falcon and the eagle swoop down

The eagle lands on the feral pigs face and bites chunks from its nose.

While the falcon goes to the rear end and tears a deep gouge down the

pigs scrotum.

Leaving the left testicle exposed.

 

The boar is bucking like a demented bull.

But those two birds dont let up and they rip and tear at that wild boar.

Than those two birds finally relent and that wild lump of ham runs

off squealing for his mummy.

Once again i have been saved by my feathered friends.

 

The next big town is Kalgoorlie

But that is over 800 kilometres away so i will have to make camp for the

night.

 

So i drive off with my six feathered friends riding shotgun in the back seat

They all start talking and squawking all at once.

So i turn on the radio and catch the latest Justin Beiber song.

The birds start jumping and bopping to Beiber.

I smile to myself as we all sing along.

 

After five hours i really need to take a break

So i pull the car into a camp site and start to unload the car.

 

The birds fly off in search of food while i set up camp

I make myself some bacon and eggs

Than the six feathered angels fly down and we settle in for the night.

 

Finally some rest and relaxation

Than the birds start to talk loud amongst themselves.

So i know something bad is about to happen.

If only i could understand the words of a bird.

 

Than i hear a loud rumble in the distance it sounds like rolling thunder

But i soon recognise the noise as approaching motorbikes

It sounds like a hundred Harley Davidson’s

A gang of Hell’s Angels ride into the campground

The birds are going bananas talking like crazy.

 

The bikers park right next to my camp site.

That would be right they have the whole camp site to choose from.

But they have to camp right next to me.

 

Than they light a huge bonfire turn on some heavy metal and start to party

 

After a few minutes one of the bikers comes over and asks me if i have any

spare beer.

I tell that i haven’t got any beer only a couple of cokes.

He laughs and says ‘Whats the go with the birds are you some kind of weirdo?’

 

I try to ignore him but than he says ‘You know i am struggling to pay my way to

Perth’

‘Why dont you give me all of your money? Lets just call it a donation’

I still try to ignore the persistant prick

But he is determined to part me from my money.

He is getting really pissed off that i am ignoring him.

So he calls over a few of his biker friends and i am dragged away and tied to

a tree.

 

The bikers go through my pockets looking for my money stash

But all they can find is about sixteen dollars and small change

Thank god i have hidden my credit card in my sock

 

The arseholes still dont give up

They want to know where the rest of my money is.

I tell them that i live locally so i dont need to carry much cash

The lead biker looks at me and says ‘Thats okay in the morning we will

all go to your place and collect what is due’

 

That’s all i fucking need.

Than things turn nasty when he unzips his fly and proceeds to piss

all over me.

The other bikers think this is hilarious and they to piss over me like

i am a public urinal

 

From that point on they just ignore me

And go back to their drinking and dope smoking.

Than i feel a little tug on my bindings.

I have a quick look behind me and see the magpie using its beak to

untie me.

 

Now it is waiting game

And around 2 am the bikers turn off the music and crawl into

their swags.

Just to be on the safe side i wait another half hour

Than i look over to the six birds.

 

They fly over to the Harley’s and push their beaks into the tyre valves

And slowly but surely every single one of those tyres goes down

 

Than i go to my car and grab a pack of cable ties.

And i go from swag to swag locking those fucking bikers in.

I give a little whistle and the birds fly into the back seat of my car ready to

make an escape.

I start up the car than i have second thoughts

The temptation is too hard to resist so i walk over to the first Harley and

give it a little shove.

And like dominoes those bikes goes tumbling over with a crash.

 

The Bikers are still drunk and stoned so they cant escape from the swags

But i dont wait around to watch i jump in my car and take off like a bat out

of hell.

 

After about three hours of driving i start to relax thinking that those bikers

are stuck back at the camp site.

Than the rear window explodes and i see two bikers approaching fast

Now things are becoming serious.

If those bikers catch me i will be a dead man.

So i will have to come up with a plan.

 

The six feathered commando’s in the back seat start talking and squawking

Than they fly out of the rear window.

On a collision course with the two bikers.

 

The bikers serve to avoid the attack and start to shoot at my protectors

But thankfully all of the bullets are wide of the mark

Now the bikers are getting closer and closer

I can almost see the whites of their eyes.

 

They are only five metres behind me

As i look in the rear view mirror i see one of the bikers is taking aim

at my head.

Surely he cant miss from that distance?

 

Than the Eagle swoops in and plucks the pistol from the bikers grasp

Then it flys over to my window and hovers with the pistol in its talons

I grab that gun and i am prepared to use it.

 

The feathered kamikaze birds are still dive bombing the  bikers

Than i notice that there are only three birds left.

The other three of my feathered friends are MIA.

 

My eyes are full of tears as i think about my three fallen angels

The time is right to make a stand.

I get off a couple of shots and the two bikers fall back a bit.

I say a little prayer and pull hard on the Handbrake.

And do a 180.

 

Now i am facing the two bikers and i get off a few more shots

The bikers swerve but a few bullets have hit the mark.

One must of hit the petrol tank because the Harley explodes in

a ball of fire.

 

The biker just jumps off in time before he is engulfed in flames

His biker mate stops to pick him up

And they ride towards my car than stop.

The three of us give each other the death stare

I point the gun in their direction and they soon get the message

So they give me the finger and rode off back to where they came from.

 

I turn the car around and head west once again

The eagle and the kookaburra fly in to join me

And the parrot follows suit.

But there is still no sign of the three fallen comrades.

 

I sit there for two hours.

than i know that i will never see them again.

I put my foot down and head towards my new life in the west.

 

God what an adventure

I know one thing.

If i ever decide to go back home

I will be catching a plane.

 

Roar trips are a thing of the past

But it was a fucking blast.

 

The End

 

A Foetus And Me

12 Friday Aug 2016

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My name is Brett Stevens

And i am Fourteen years of age

As i leaving home to go to School my parents told me that

when i got Home.

We needed to have a talk.

 

God i hope it is not that talk

Because they are way too late.

I lost my virginity last week

So talking about sex will be a complete waste of time.

And yes i did wear a condom.

 

I couldn’t concentrate at school i was worried

I hope there is nothing wrong with my parents

So when the school bell rings

I ride home with my heart in my throat

I park my push bike in the garage

And walk inside.

 

My parents are waiting for me at the kitchen table

I go to walk past like i haven’t seen them.

But my mother calls me back.

 

I sit down opposite them

And my mother starts to talk

‘Brett there is something important we need to tell you’

I yell out ‘Too late i had sex last week’

God did i say that out loud?

 

My parents look at me

‘Brett what are you talking about?

‘We need to talk about another matter’

 

‘O h sorry forget that i said anything’

 

My parents look at one another and than my mother starts

to talk.

‘Brett what we have to say is very difficult

We have waited until you are were old enough to comprehend

When you developing inside me before you were born

Another baby was developing at the same time

But the other baby died when it was a foetus

And your body absorbed it’

 

My mind is doing tailspins

What is my mother talking about?

 

Than my father puts a large X ray on the table

‘Brett remember when you broke a rib playing soccer a few

years ago?

This is the X ray that was taken at the time’

 

I look at the X ray and i can clearly see a skeletal foetus attached

to the bottom rib on the right side.

 

This is all too much to take in

I run into my room and throw myself onto the bed

Than i quickly roll over onto my back

I don’t wont to crush my little brother

Jesus what am i thinking about?

My little brother is a dead foetus

A dead foetus inside my body

 

As i lay there on my bed

I cant help but scratch my bottom rib

Maybe if i can scratch hard enough

I can bring my little brother back to life?

 

Wherever i go i scratch and scratch and scratch

I am scratching my skin red raw

But i just keep on scratching

I couldn’t stop even if i tried.

 

Over the following days and weeks i thought that i was

going insane.

But i just couldn’t stop scratching.

Is something moving inside me?

Or have i gone over the Edge?

 

Finally my parents have had enough

And they take me to see a Psychologist

So here i am in the waiting room

Waiting to see a shrink.

 

After introducing himself as Dr Ferguson

The Psychologist asks me to lay down on a couch

Than he starts with the questions about my obsession with

scratching

And how am i dealing with having a foetus inside me?

 

I dont know how to answer all of the questions

I just want to go home.

Than i feel a massive pain in my right side

I lift up my shirt

And a large lump is pushing out

 

The Shrink and i cant believe our eyes

Like a giant pimple or blackhead the lump is getting

bigger and bigger.

Than it erupts

And with a splat the foetus lands on the Shrinks face.

 

The Shrink tumbles and and falls back striking his head against

a coffee table.

And judging by all the blood and brain tissue

I am  fairly sure that he is dead.

 

The foetus runs around the room like a demented chucky

Attached to what looks like a bungee rope.

Than i realise that it must be an umbilical cord

I scream at the top of my lungs

And the foetus springs back into my body

Like a cord of a vacuum cleaner.

 

My screams have probably been heard five miles away

The Receptionist and my parents rush into the room

I quickly pull my shirt back down

Then they see the Psychologist on the floor

 

I tell that we were just talking

When he went all white clutching at his chest.

Than he fell back hitting his head on the coffee table.

 

The Receptionist calls the police

And after they check the scene and ask me questions

I am told that i am free to go home

I sure am glad to get out of there

 

At home i go straight to my room

And lay face up on my bed.

I lift up my shirt and wait.

And soon enough the foetus pokes his head out

 

He looks out at me

Then squirms out onto my chest

Than the foetus starts to talk Thanks for all the scratching

and rubbing’

‘You brought me to life and i will never forget it’

‘What is your name brother?’

 

Than the foetus starts to yawn.

He tells me that he is going to have a snooze

So he crawls back inside.

 

I just lay there thinking.

Than i go out to the garage to get a roll of duct tape

Maybe if i can cover up the hole the foetus will suffocate?

 

Back in my room i apply the duct tape

Than i to decide to have a snooze

And hopefully when i wake up the foetus will be dead.

 

But after a while i feel the duct tape being pulled away from

the hole.

‘You will have to do better than that Brett

I can breathe through your skin and from your mouth and

your nose

‘I can even breathe from your pee hole and arsehole’

 

I dont know what to do

Maybe i should ask my parents to cut it out with a knife?

Or call a priest to perform an exorcism?

Maybe if i take a bath the foetus will drown?

So i fill the bath tub with water

And i climb right in.

 

A few bubbles come from the hole in my side

Than the foetus comes out and dives into the water

And proceeds to swim back stroke

 

Nice try Brett nice try’

 

Than the foetus climbs up onto my stomach

Reaches back and grabs hold of my little shrivelled dick

‘That was your last chance Brett

If you try to destroy me again

I will rip this thing off

And ram it down your throat’

 

Than the foetus tries to climb back into the hole

But he want fit

Than for the first time i notice that he put on a lot of weight

 

‘Looks like i am staying out here from now on

And do you know why Brett?’

And he holds up the umbilical cord

 

‘Every time that you eat most of the nutrients will enter

my bloodstream

‘I will grow bigger and bigger

Than i will take over your body completly’

 

‘No’ I scream at the top of my lungs

Before i can stop them my parents race into the bathroom

My father goes to say ‘What in the fuck?’

When the foetus springs out and grabs a pair of Scissors

from the vanity

And stabs my father in the left eye

My mother is hysterical and screaming to the heavens

The foetus clamps onto her throat

And rips it out.

 

I am hyperventilating i can barely function

But i have the presence of mind to grab the scissors

Then i grab hold of the umbilical cord and make eye contact

with the foetus standing on the vanity.

 

‘Dont do it Brett

If you cut the cord both of us will die

Is that what you wont Brett?

 

Again i dont know what to do

I cant think straight.

I look down at the scissors and start to squeeze

 

Will i cut the cord?

Will we both die?

 

The answers will be revealed

But you will have to come back and read

Part Two.

Mutant Moth (Part Three)

05 Friday Aug 2016

Posted by in poems, stories, Uncategorized

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In Part Two

My House was virtually Destroyed by large Mutant Moths

I was struck in the Hip by one of those Cat Sized Moths

My Hip Bone was Broken and it stuck out like a Lamb Shank

 

Than I was covered in Gossamer Threads like a Giant Human

Cocoon.

I was Trapped there for Days with nothing to Eat or Drink

And i was forced to Urinate in My Pants

 

The Giant Mutant Moths were attracted to the Smell of the Urine

They stuck Their Feeding Tubes through the Cocoon

Sucking up the Wet patch in My Groin.

 

So once i escaped from the Cocoon

Using My Broken Hip Bone as a Saw

I remembered that the Jackson’s who lived Three Doors down

owned a large Swimming Pool.

 

 

 

So all the People in the Neighbourhood rushed down to the Jackson

House.

And Urinated into the Pool.

And the Mutant Moths were all lured in like a Bear to a Honeypot

The Mutant Moths were soon overwelmed by the Urine

A Cover was placed over the Pool sealing in the Moths

And all of the Giant Mutant Moths Drowned in the Yellow Water

of Death.

 

But unbeknowns to Us a Few of the Mutant Moths

Had Ripped a hole in the Plastic Cover

And had made Their Escape.

 

Part Three.

The next Morning i was laying in Bed

Recovering from the previous Days Ordeal

I was having a Pleasant Dream.

When i was awoken by a Scream coming from the Jackson House

 

Jesus just when i thought the Fight was Won and the Mutant Moths

were gone for good

That Scream doesnt Sound good.

So i throw on some Clothes and Run as fast as i can.

 

I get there at the same Time as some of the Neighbours

We race around to the Backyard

Where Mr Jackson is Hyperventilating and Pointing at the Pool Cover.

 

Than We notice the large Slashes in the Pool Cover

We are in mighty big trouble.

Some of those Mutant Moths have Grown to the size of a Small Dog

And some of them are on the Loose.

 

Than Mr Jackson starts to Pull the Cover off the Pool

I Scream at Him to Stop

But i am too late.

 

Once the Sunlight and the Oxygen Hits the Pool Water

One Hundred or so Mutant Moths Start to Twitch Their Legs

and Spread Their Wings

The Mutant Moths are back from the almost Dead.

 

The Mutant Moths Climb out of the Yellow Water

And start to Dry out on the Concrete Pool Surrounds

 

I know that We have to Move Fast

Because if these Mutant Moths Dry out and Fly away

We will have a Nation Wide Disaster on Our Hands.

 

So We all Grab whatever We can get our Hands on

Rakes Brooms Shovels but it is all a waste of Time

The Mutant Moths have Grown too big to Handle

We try the best that We can but They are just too big and Strong

Then They test Their Wings like newly Fledged Birds

And take off to Destinations unknown.

 

We are all in a state of shock as We watch those Motherfuckers

Fly away.

All We can do is Sit on the Ground and scan the Skies in case those

Mutant Moths Return.

If only We had Eyes in the Back of Our Heads

 

My next Door Neighbour Mrs Jones is holding Her Three Year Old Sons

Hand.

When One of those Dog Sized Mutant Moths Swoops down from behind Us

and Scoops up Billy.

And carries Him to a Tree Growing near the Pool

 

Mrs Jones is Hysterical Screaming for Her Son

We can only watch in Horror as the Mutant Moth  Punctures Billy’s Chest

with its Probiscus.

Then starts to Suck all of the Bodily Fluids from Billy.

When Billy is nothing but Skin and Bone

He is Dropped into the Pool.

 

We thought that the Mutant Moths had Flown away

But They are Circling the Neighbourhood like Vultures just waiting

for a chance to come in for the Kill

It is like being locked in a Prison Cell

The Mutant Moths are the Guards

And We are the Inmates.

 

The Sun is just starting to Set.

So the Twelve of Us grab some Chairs and Sit in a Circle

hoping that somehow We can keep the Mutant Moths at Bay.

 

Than the Screaming starts as One by One the Neighbours are Probed

than taken away to be Sucked Dry.

We have been Trying to call the Authorities but We cant get through

Somehow the Mutant Moths are Blocking the Signal.

But than i Hear the Sound of an approaching Helicopter

Thank God now We have a chance of Surviving.

 

It is not One but Three Helicopters.

They barely get a Chance to access the Situation when Twenty Mutant

Moths Attack each Helicopter.

It doesn’t take long before the Pilots start to lose control of their

Machines.

Than the Three copters Spiral out of Control and Crash into the Street

in a Huge Fireball.

 

Then Ten or more Police Cars arrive on the Scene.

But They to are set upon and every Police Officer is Drained of His Fluids

and left Lifeless where They Fell.

 

Now i know that We are in Mortal Danger.

The Mutant Moths are still Hovering around than Dive Bombing down

picking a Victim of Their Choosing.

 

I know that Our only chance to Survive is to somehow make it to the

relative safety of the Jackson House.

I Yell out to the Others to Run to the Jackson House but i get no reply

I look to the Person Sitting next to Me  and i can See that She is as white

as a Ghost.

 

We were all caught up in what was happening to the Helicopters and the

Police Officers.

That We took our Eyes off our own situation.

I look at My Other Companions  and notice a Huge Mutant Moth attached

to their Ankles.

They have all been Sucked Dry and Died right in front of Me

And i didnt Notice a thing.

 

I go to Escape but i cant move My Leg.

In fact i cant Feel My Left Leg but i can See the Mutant Moth Attached to

My Ankle.

Than another one lands on My Thigh and Probed Me until it hits My

Main Artery.

Then it starts to Feed.

 

I know that i am a goner.

I cant move or Feel any part of My Body

Yet another one of those Fuckers lands on My Face and Probes until my

Right Eyeball is Punctured.

And the Contents runs down My Face like a soft boiled Egg.

 

Thats it i feel Myself Slipping away

Goodbye Cruel World.

 

The End