Tags
adventure, books, bookworm, charles dickens, ear wax, snot, stephen king
Ollie Wrigley is a thirteen year old bookworm and he is quite content with his lot despite a bad case of acne and hair sprouting here there and everywhere as puberty hits his microscopic body.
He spends his days munching on books and magazines of any genre and description but his favorite genres are thrillers where he can chew away and escape to a life full of danger and intrigue plus crime fiction where he can solve the case before reaching the final page.
The year is 1996 and Ollie’s parents are doing their best to keep their son well fed and happy.
To celebrate his 13th birthday they give him an old set of Funk & Wagnell’s encyclopedia to set munch on for many years to come.
As Ollie devours the volumes he gets he necessary roughage and fiber a growing bookworm needs plus getting an education at the same time.
When his parents aren’t watching Ollie sneaks off to his room where he has stashed a selection of horror novels plus a few well used porno magazines.
He reads a few chapters of ‘Cujo’ by the master Stephen King before settling down with an old copy oh Hustler that he has read many times before to great effect.
Ollie is really going for it when unfortunately for him he has failed to notice that he has wandered too close to the spine of the mag and his nostrils unknowingly take in a shit load of binding glue
He was spaced out for over a week so no more porno mag’s or sniffing glue for him.
At least not for a while anyway.
Just before his 16th birthday Ollie and his folks moved upstairs to the attic to get away from the hustle and bustle of a busy household but before they get a chance to settle in a big arse truck pulls up outside and the family and their possessions are transported to god knows where.
Ollie is scared out of his mind not knowing where they are being taken because he has read stories about concentration camps and gas chambers from WW 2.
His Father tells him to stop letting his imagination get the better of him but Ollie is still worried.
But he was worried about nothing because the truck parks out front of a huge place called ‘Old Kuntz’ retirement village and Ollie has a good feeling about his new home and he calms down.
His parents are relieved as well and soon they are deposited in their new digs on a book shelf in the communal library.
The perfect place for a family of bookworms to live.
A week after the move Ollie ventures out to explore his new surroundings and soon he is devouring a dusty old edition of Dickens ‘Great Expectations’.
It is heavy going but Ollie enjoys reading about a time long gone and the history of the period.
But he is soon brought back to reality when ‘Great Expectations is thrown onto a trolley leaving the little book worm hanging on for dear life.
His stomach lurches and his sphincter tightens as the trolley sharply rounds a bend.
Than his world stabilizes when the trolley stops at the bed of a little old lady and the Dickens classic is placed into her hands.
Ollie has read enough Dickens to last him a life time so he quickly grows bored as the lady turns over familiar pages so he slides down the binding ( holding his nose in case any of that pesky but soothing glue is nearby) and lands on the arm of the lady with a taste for the classics.
Ollie doesn’t quite know where he is going as the wriggles his way past hair folicles and bumpy age spots.
Than the elderly resident raises her arm to scratch her ear and Ollie grabs the chance to explore unknown territories.
He has a look around for an available food source but nothing is at hand so he wriggles forward and enters an ancient ear hole.
Ollie looks around in awe at the size of the huge cavern but there are no books laying around to snack on and he needs to feed soon or face starvation.
He notices a sticky brown substance growing on the walls of the cavern in abundance.
Ollie pokes his tongue out and has a taste ‘Not bad’ he mutters to himself and begins eating his first luncheon of icky sticky ear wax.
Five minutes Ollie is bursting at the seams and he couldn’t move an inch even if he wanted to.
So he closes his eyes and has a nanna nap.
He wakes an hour later feeling refreshed but strangely still hungry.
The ear wax has left him feeling empty and hollow like you do an hour after eating a shit load of Chinese food.
Ollie knows exactly what he needs and that is a book of substance that will satisfy his hunger and keep him alive another day.
But first he needs to escape from the cave of wax.
He ventures to the edge and looks around for some means of transportation.
Then by chance a single strand of grey hair drifts close and Ollie clings on and abseils down and lands safely where he quickly feeds on a musty old readers digest magazine.
The magazine has hit the spot and Ollie lives to fight another day.
It isn’t easy being a microscopic bookworm with a metabolism faster than a hummingbird on speed.
As he digests his meal Ollie gazes around the common room where a hundred old people sit around watching TV or playing bingo as they all wait for their final curtain to fall.
As Ollie watches the grey brigade fill in the day he remembers the soft gooey ear wax from yesterday and he wants some more and he wants it now.
He knows that he wouldn’t be able to climb all the way up to an ear hole and the treasure trove inside.
And as luck would have it a mosquito lands nearby and Ollie whispers in her ear’Take me to the nearest ear hole and i will be eternally grateful’
The mozzie takes off with Ollie on board and a minute later the winged beauty lands safely close to the entrance to the honey pot.
The insect dips her wing and Ollie slides down to enjoy his afternoon delight.
But when his body touches skin a movement catches his eye and SLAM a wrinkly hand squashes the mozzie in a cloud of blood and guts.
Luckily Ollie has managed to roll clear in the nick of time and he enters the cave of pleasure to have another taste of waxy heaven
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Ollie had fallen asleep after his feast and is jolted awake by the loud noise.
But he soon realizes that he is hearing the voice of a man talking to someone about the good old days.
The voices echoes around the ear canal and Ollie is soothed by the sound.
He relaxes completely as he listens to the man narrate his life story to anyone who will listen.
Ollie is transfixed by the old timers story from his early years to a happy marriage to the love of his life .
A career as a train driver before ultimately getting old and ending up in a retirement home.
Father time catches up to everybody in the end.
When he man stopped talking it suddenly occurred to Ollie that he had just listened to his first audio story.
A fantastic kindle surprise.
Ollie squirms outside and has a little rest as he contemplates his next move.
When he looks to his right he notices twin openings in the middle of the mans face so he wriggles over for a closer look.
The enters the opening through a forest of thick nose hair and finds himself in a small space with blobs of green stuff everywhere.
The snot is very inviting so Ollie has a little taste ‘Not bad not bad at all’
PS
Please don’t put a wayward finger into your ear to satisfy an itch because a bookworm might be on there having a snack.
And please please don’t pick your nose.
THE END
