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‘Camel Toe Joe’

05 Saturday Dec 2020

Posted by stevenjohnno in poems, stories

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australia, bush, bushranger, camel, camel toe, gold, stockade, Victoria

A little known Australian bushranger with the strange moniker of Camel Toe Joe has been on my mind a lot lately.

He doesn’t feature in any historical records that i have seen ( in fact historians will tell you that he never existed at all ).

Plus if you search the web for any references to Camel Toe Joe you will see more than you bargained for.

I don’t think it is right for this Australian legend to remain virtually unknown to his fellow countrymen and the world at large so i have taken it upon myself to set the record straight and write all about his exploits and adventures to the best of my ability.

Joseph Markham is thought to have been born on or about the 2nd June 1831 at his families homestead on the banks of Lake Wendouree just outside of Ballarat Victoria.

His father Stephen Markham was a violent hard drinking man who also happened to be the local pastor.

From day one he completely ignored his responsibility as a parent leaving the upbringing up his son to his long suffering wife Betsy.

From the age of five Joe begin to run away from home to escape his fathers hard nosed attitude but he always returned when his stomach needed filling.

A poor student Joe struggled at school, he tried his best to get a good report from his teacher but his mind would wander and his eyes constantly gazed outside the classroom window trying to picture what lay over the hills beyond Lake Wendouree.

The teacher a mean old battle axe named Beatrice Coltrane would cane Joe for not paying attention and for fighting with the other children.

At home his father would beat his son in an attempt to rein in his wayward ways but Joe wasn’t to be shackled and be just your average schoolboy and a week before his 15th birthday Joe paced a few belongings, saddled up his fathers horse and rode off into the night.

It would twenty years before he saw his parents again.

Joe didn’t have any plans or ideas of which direction he should head nor for that matter what it took to survive out in the back of beyond.

But the horse seemed to know where it was going so Joe sat back and even though he was afraid the ginger haired skinny teenager rode high in the saddle like a nobleman on his way to meet the queen.

Every hour or so he would stop to rest his aching joints and to give the horse a well earned drink.

Up in the trees the Cockatoo’s and Galah’s were waiting for the sun to rise keeping an eye on the stranger in case he would leave any crumbs for them to swoop on come dawn but unfortunately for them Joe only had a small piece of sausage leftover from his last meal at home.

As he ate Joe also had an eye out for any danger from snakes plus from the native aborigines who were known to be hostile towards the white folk.

Joe rode into Bendigo on the morning of 29th July 1846 still unsure leaving home was a good decision but at the same he was determined to find his own way in life.

He tied his horse outside a general store that had a sign on the front door ‘help wanted enquire within’ but than he thought about his parents back home especially his father who Joe knew relied heavily on his horse so he untied the colt pointed back the way from where they came. ‘say hello to ma and pa for me boy’ then he slapped the horses rump.

Once he knew the horse was homeward bound Joe stepped into the general store to enquire about the job.

Noticing an old timer the counter he sauntered over’Hi mister my name is Joe and i am here about the job, i know that i am small for my age but i am as strong as an ox and i can work from sun up to sun down’

Joe has never worked a day in his life but he can lie with the best of them.

When no reply was forthcoming Joe had another look at the old man ‘Jesus he looks older than Moses, i hope he doesn’t drop dead before he gives the job’

‘Thanks for your concern young fellow, my name isn’t Moses and i can still rattle the bones of any of the young ladies in the whorehouse across the street’

My name is Clarence Denning the owner of this fine establishment, be here 6 o’clock sharp and we will see if a little runt like you can walk the work or just talk the talk’

Joe is still trying to figure out what ‘rattle the bones’ means so it takes him a few seconds to reply ‘Ah thanks mister but i don’t own a watch but maybe there is a rooster around these parts who could wake me up?’

‘I dont quite know how long i will be in town for because i have plans on becoming a famous bushranger one day’

Chuckling heartily Clarence told Joe that there is a room around back that he can use until he hones his bushranger skills.

Joe worked at the Bendigo general store for almost three years helping Mr Denning load wagons with sacks of sugar, flour and salt plus barrels of kerosene and crates of beer and whiskey.

It was hard work but Joe built up his strength and inner resilience, his hands bled and back ached a bitch but he never once complained.

Every night as he slept Joe dreamt about robbing banks, hiding out in the bush and maybe rattling a few bones himself.

His name would feature on the front page of every national newspaper from Melbourne to Sydney and all godforsaken places in between.

Then on the morning of 14th September 1850 Joe’s life and the nations coffers were bolstered.

It was just another average Victorian morning, sunny with a chance of rain, the kookaburra’s and crow’s were greeting another day screeching and chatting amongst themselves.

‘Jesus who needs a freaking rooster with these noisy birds are around’ joe thought as he helped load the first wagon of the day, then the mundane was broken when Mr Denning noticed a cloud of dust approaching from the west.

‘Be ready to run inside Joe we might have ourselves some trouble’

Ten horseman rode into view waving their hats screaming at the top of their lungs ‘What are they saying Mr Denning?’

When the men hurtled past the store to became clear to all and sundry what they were excited about. GOLD GOLD GOLD

There is gold in them there hills.

Over the following months Bendigo was swamped with people from across the country and overseas all with one thing on their minds.

Strike it rich on the goldfields and go home a happy man.

After working his fingers to the bone in the general store joe has no great desire to go digging out in the goldfields under the blazing sun.

When he was a young boy his mother would read him about pirates robbing and pillaging out on the high seas.

They had names like Blackbeard, Calico Joe and William Kidd, names that have stood the test of time.

Joe knows that if he is to become a famous he will have to come up with a name fitting the position.

And as fate his last day that he worked for Mr Denning a suitable name was unwittingly thrust upon him.

While he was stacking the shelves with canned goods a commotion outside caught his attention ‘ Come take a look Joe’ Mr Denning called from the front window ‘Have you ever seen a camel before?’

‘Shit a shingle boss i don’t even know what a camel is’

‘There is no need to cuss young man come take a gander’

Joe couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw this large awkward looking animal with knobbly legs and two humps on its back trotted past the store.

Sitting between the humps was a man with a long black ponytail wearing a white dress.

‘Who in the fuck is that man Mr Denning?’

‘I told you before Joe that i want put up with any fucking swearing in my presence, but to answer your question i think his name is Mr Long who has come all the way from China to make his fortune like everybody else but he was railroaded by Samuel Carruthers, now the chinaman is now nothing than a cook and odd jobs man for Carruthers and his gang of thieves’

‘Carruthers is a mean nasty son of a bitch who owns most of the land around these parts, he exhorts money from the miners who dare search for gold even if they don’t encroach on his land’

‘Sounds like robbery to me Mr Denning plain and simple’

Then and there 19 year old Joseph Markham decided that when he becomes a bushranger he will teach Carruthers a lesson and give all the money back to the miners, less a finders fee of course.’

An hour Joe was sitting outside the store on a well earned break when he noticed Mr Long leading the camel towards him.

Once the animal was tied to a post Mr Long asked if he could buy some two sacks of salt and one sack of tobacco. ‘Sure thing Mr Long but before we go inside can i take the camel for a ride? Are the humps full of water or milk?

While he talked Joe began walking towards the tethered beast ‘Not so close, camel mean will kick’ Mr Long warned Joe but it was too little too late.

‘Sorry but i have never seen a camel before, it sure is ugly though, i bet it would scare the feathers from the birds and cause the roo’s to run for the hills’

The camel sensing that it is being put down by the camel waited until his antagonist was within range then without warning delivered an almighty kick that connected with Joe’s jaw but lucky for him it was only a glancing blow, if it wasn’t Joe would be getting measured for two caskets, one for his body the other for his head.

As it was the camel’s toe left a three inch long groove from hid bottom lip to below his chin.

The gash was looked puffy and swollen but at the same time was oddly alluring.

After applying fifteen stitches to Joe’s wound the town’s doctor offered some free advice ‘You will probably have a scar for life and if i were you i would give that camel a wide berth from now on’

Through his pain Joe managed a reply ‘Thanks for your words of wisdom doc but i intend on showing that camel that it made a huge mistake and i intend to teach it some manners’

Upon leaving the surgery Joe was confronted by a very apologetic Mr long ‘Sorry sorry for your injury, my camel did very bad thing, how can i make it up to you?’

Joe thought for a second ‘You can do two things for me and than we will be even’.

‘First when you leave here today i want to go with you and secondly i want to apologize to the camel for getting on it’s bad side’

‘Huong Long gave Joe a wary look ‘Please camel very dangerous, maybe you write letter and i give it to him?’

‘Don’t worry Mr Long i promise not to get to close’

On seeing Joe approach the camel flexed it’s muscles and wriggled it’s toes in anticipation of drawing more blood.

Joe stopped ten foot from the crazy beast ‘I am very sorry for calling you ugly but now i can see that you are even uglier than i first thought plus i just got a whiff and i have to say that you smell like a wombat has crawled up your huge arse and died’

Mr Long rushed forward pushing Joe out of the way of a massive golly of saliva the camel spat ‘You call that an apology? You crazy now you and camel are mortal enemies, like elephant camel never forget’

Once it had recovered from the insults the camel lowered itself to the ground and Mr Long climbed into the saddle then he urged the camel forward ‘You coming or not? And don’t get too camel or he will kick you again plus stay down wind because if he farts you will never remove the stench from your nostrils’

On the journey to the gold fields Mr Long told Joe that he came to Australia with his sixteen year old daughter Knot Fu Long with plans of striking it rich with gold so that they could return to china and live a happy life but that his plans were shattered by a very bad man.

Mr Long clearly distressed paused to catch his breath but Joe took pity on him ‘It is okay, my boss told me how Carruthers is ruling the gold fields with an iron fist but rest assured that when we arrive i will do everything in my power to bring him down’

Please Mr Joe Carruthers has many soldiers and if you cross him it will only make matters worse for Knot Fu and me’

I might be young but i promise you that when Carruthers falls from his perch he will be in no position to harm anyone’

Along the way the camel continually farted and belched whilst giving Joe the evil eye just daring him to come closer.

Joe ignored the camel and was relieved when just before dusk the three weary travelers arrived at the gold fields.

Looking around Joe couldn’t believe the size of the place and even at seven o’clock at night there was a hive of activity.

Gold fever was in the air and Joe almost stumbled from its euphoric effect ‘Father father over here’ Joe turned to see a young girl running toward them. Welcome back father who is the stranger with you? And what happened to his face?

Be quiet Knot Fu, this is Mr Joe from in town who came along for the ride plus he also wants to help us get from under the scourge of Carruthers and his soldiers’

Mr Long suddenly stopped talking and gazed over at a huge house on the far side of the fields ‘That is where Carruthers lives, Knut Fu and i are forced to live there as servants while he plunders the plot that i paid for out of my life savings, but it isn’t only me, all the miners pay Carruthers 10% and if they don’t pay or try and cheat well they disappear never to be seen again’

Joe is seething with rage and the gash on his chin begins to weep and pulsate.

The apprentice bushranger rubs the tender spot not noticing Mr long and his daughter whispering and laughing Hey Mr Joe i was just telling Knot Fu how the camel kicked you and well, here Knot Fu butted in giggling ‘You camel toe Joe’

And so on the evening of 3rd March 1847 the legend was born.

‘Where in the fuck have you been you old chinese cunt, do you think that i run my business on Peking time?’

‘Well let me tell you that i don’t now pray tell who is this boy with you, maybe he could help you and your scrawny daughter help to make my life more comfortable?

Joe eyed the old man astride his horse with contempt ‘My name is Joseph Markham and i am here to help Mr Long out from his predicament’

‘ Perhaps you would be kind enough to give him back his mining rights so that he can dig for gold free from greedy arseholes like you’

Carruthers face turned beet red his eyes bulging not quite believing what he just heard.

The burly 6′ 3′ two hundred pound stand over merchant doesn’t take kindly to anyone upsetting his apple cart ‘Look around you young man i have over fifty men under my command and this very second they have their rifles aimed in your direction’

‘Throw him in the stockade and perhaps as he rots away young Joseph will learn to keep his mouth shut’

Mr Long and his daughter can do nothing to help Joe as he is dragged away by three henchmen to an unknown fate.

The camel stamped his feet in frustration at the apprehension of his adversary who he has grown to admire because the little shit can take a kicking and keep on ticking.

Then things take a turn for the worse as his master and child are forced at gunpoint back to the big house.

Unnoticed by Carruthers or any of his soldiers the camel trots over into the undergrowth and almost immediately begins to formulate a rescue mission.

THE END.

Chapter two coming soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and please if you have the means could you make a donation that i can finally reach my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

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‘Rocking Horse’

09 Saturday May 2020

Posted by stevenjohnno in stories

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australia, dreams, dreamtime, dubbo, dunnedoo, hopes, pub, rocking horse

Six year old Cindy Watson is curled up in her bed afraid to make a peep.

Her parents are out in the living room having another argument about money ‘ Bob why can’t you get off your big fat arse and get yourself a job? you have a family to support in case you haven’t noticed’

‘Give it a rest Gail, you know that i have a bad back and the doctors all told me to take it easy for a while’

‘Christ Bob it has been over nine months since your accident and i notice that you don’t have any trouble bending down to get a beer from the fridge every hour’

‘Please Bob first thing tomorrow morning go into town and see what jobs are going because the money i make at the supermarket is barely enough to put food on the table let alone pay the bills’

The summer of 1976 in North West NSW Australia is stifling and Gail Watson is frazzled trying to cope with the heat out in the middle of nowhere plus trying to make ends meet because of a good for nothing husband who just wants to sit around drinking all day.

When they were married seven years ago in Sydney Gail was a striking 20 year old who worshipped the ground that her husband walked on.

He was a stockbroker with a bright future and she planned on becoming a nurse but a few months after the wedding Gail fell pregnant and Bob had the great idea to move out to Dunnedoo to escape the rat race.

But now Gail is struggling to cope with no relatives to lean on for support and Bob promising future turning into dust.

Cindy finally drifts off to sleep around midnight but it is a restless night for the little girl because her parents constant arguing has been giving her nightmares.

At 8 am her mummy shakes her awake’ Wake up Cindy, time to get out of bed and have some bacon and eggs before school and we both know that you wouldn’t want to miss the bus don’t we?’

Mother and daughter share a quiet smile because they know that Cindy would rather ride for rocking horse all day. ‘Five more minutes please mummy’

‘Now pumpkin you can have a quick ride because the bus comes’

Even though a strong breeze would probably blow her over Cindy scoffs down a huge breakfast before she scampers out the front door to be greeted by her rocking horse that takes pride of place in the corner of the verandah.

The horse is old with chipped paint and a broken stirrup but to Cindy he is her whole world.

She loves nothing more than to rock back and forth with the wind blowing her long ginger hair into a tangled mess.

Patting the horses neck Cindy whispers’ One day we will ride all the way to Dubbo and rob a bank just like the bushrangers did back in the old days’

‘I will give every cent to mummy and daddy so they would stop fighting and perhaps find time to give me a baby brother’

A flash of yellow catches and reluctantly Cindy climbs from the rocking horse and races down the driveway to catch the school bus. ‘ Goodbye mummy see you this afternoon’

She is a pupil at Dunnedoo Public School and Cindy is a good student popular with the teachers and the other students ( all nine of them ) but sometimes her mind will wander and Miss Walpole an old battle axe with the temper of a mule would scold her ‘Miss Watson please try to concentrate on the lesson because if you don’t you will fail and never amount to anything of substance’

A few of the other kids laugh at Cindy’s discomfort and she is tempted to give them the finger but decides to ignore the brats and knuckle down until she can go home and ride her rocking horse.

Cindy Watson has just turned twelve and she is no longer the tangled haired first grader with a fondness for ice cream and chocolate.

Now she is almost a teenager who started to attend Dubbo High School two weeks ago, she is sill shy and to her annoyance she has a nasty pimple in the middle of her forehead and a pair of braces on her teeth.

But on the positive side her father has given up the drink and returned to work and her mother is now the manager of the supermarket.

So the Watson household is a happy place to be and Cindy likes her new school despite being teased by the school bully Elizabeth Hardcastle.

She still rides the rocking horse most days which gives her a chance to unwind and think of ways to bring her tormentor down.

The latest is to replace her lip balm with a tube of super glue which should keep the arsehole quite for a while.

But deep down Cindy knows that she couldn’t hurt anyone else no matter how nasty they are so she closes her eyes and rocks back and forth until the tension drains from her body.

Just then her mothers voice breaks the spell’ OK Cindy it is time to come inside for your bath young lady and if you behave i will let you watch The Brady Bunch while you do you homework’

Cindy sighs in frustration, dismounts and gives her rocking horse a friendly pat ‘Goodnight Lightning i will see you in the morning’

At the sound of the screen door slamming a quiver runs down the flank of the horse and his tail flicks in anticipation.

Unbeknowns to Cindy a local aboriginal boy has been watching her as she rides her rocking horse like a jockey steering home a Melbourne cup winner.

14 year old Warren Mundine knows that the girl has a desire to move from Dunnedoo and try her luck in the big smoke.

Every night for the past month he has waited until the lights were extinguished for the night then he would sneak up onto the verandah and sprinkle sprigs of Banksia and Bunya Pine all around the feet of the rocking horse.

And under the light of the moon he would perform a ceremonial dance that his ancestors have done for thousands of years.

Adorned in ochre and lithe of limb Warren would dance for hours until the sun started to peek above the horizon.

Black clouds gathered in the dawn and soon thunder boomed and lightning lit up the rocking rock that began to sway back and forth of it’s own accord.

‘Lightning by name Lightning by name’ the lad whispered before disappearing into the landscape like a ghost from the past.

Cindy wakes early and after a quick breakfast she races outside for a quick ride outside but something is different this time.

The rocking horse is surrounded by leaves and twigs that must have blown onto the verandah in last nights storm but they seem to have placed in some sort of pattern.

Climbing onto Lightning Cindy forgets about the plant arrangement when she recollects a dream she had just a few hours ago.

She dreamt that her rocking horse grew a pair of wings and like Pegasus he took flight taking her away from Dunnedoo as he flew to every corner of the world giving her a glimpse of what she is missing out there in the big wide open.

Also in the corner of her dream a small aboriginal boy appears out of nowhere and he climbs aboard Lightning and together they ride off into the sunset.

Cindy shivers in the morning air as her eyes gaze out past the front fence where orange dust twirls in the wind.

The aboriginal boy looked so real could he really be out there somewhere?

After another day boring day at school Cindy is anxious to get home and ride her rocking horse.

She squeals in delight when the bell rings and quickly boards the bus as it prepares to make the daily grind from Dubbo back to Dunnedoo.

In her hand she clutches a report card and it doesn’t make for good reading, C in English, D in History and a big fat F in Maths.

She is tempted to throw the card out the window but the headmaster informed all of the students at assembly this morning that their parents were expecting to receive a report card today so Cindy hangs on to it and thirty minutes later the bus pulls up outside her front gate.

As she meanders down the aisle she spots an aboriginal boy sitting near the front who looks vaguely familiar.

When she reaches his seat Cindy glances over and gasps out loud ‘Holy shit it is the boy that appeared in my dream last night’

Warren smiles in recognition and he knows that tonight is the night to kickstart a thousand tomorrows.

Cindy walks inside and hands the report card to her mother and after grabbing a huge slice of carrot cake she goes out to the verandah where her rocking horse waits’ Hello Lightning why don’t we ride all the way to Sydney because i have a feeling i am about to get yelled at’

As she rides Cindy thinks about the boy on the bus today.

She is positive that he doesn’t attend her school so why was he sitting on the bus and also he seemed to recognize her like they have met before.

Her mind is thinking overtime so she doesn’t notice the horses hooves jitter as he readies himself for a gallop but she soon gets the drift as Lightning rears up onto his back legs and after leaving a steaming pile of rocking horse shit behind the wooden horse takes off down the driveway.

Cindy loosens her grip on the reins when Lightning slows down to a canter to get his bearings.

After flaring his nostrils to taste the air the manic steed takes off in the direction of Merriwa.

The lonely schoolgirl laughs out loud knowing that soon she will be living in Sydney surrounded with friends living the dream.

In her excitement Cindy fails to notice a small aboriginal boy running behind Lightning but he cant keep up and soon he vanishes from view.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

26 year old Cindy Watson hits the snooze button to silence the annoying sound that wakes her up every morning.

As she gets dressed she vaguely remembers dreaming about the rocking horse that she used to ride when she was a kid.

Cindy still lives in the same house that she grew up in but sadly her parents are no longer alive to offer guidance to their only child but their presence lingers in every room even though it has been eight years since they perished in an awful car accident.

As she goes about her morning routine Cindy talks to her parents without even knowing she is doing so.

At 8.30 she locks the front door and walks the short distance to the local pub where she pulls beers for the locals and travelers alike,

As she wipes the bar clean only half listening to a story from one of the regulars Cindy will often gaze out the window thinking about what her life would have become if she ever worked up the courage to leave Dunnedoo.

But at the same time Cindy loves her sleepy little town and really wouldn’t want to live anywhere else but hopefully one day she will meet a man and settle down to life in the country.

She takes one last look outside and remembers a saying from long ago ‘It doesn’t matter how close you get to the horizon because it will always remain in the distance’

In a storage facility on the other side of town a dusty old rocking rocking horse sits forlorn and forgotten.

It has been fourteen years since anyone has sat in his saddle, fourteen years kept in the darkness.

In all of that time his wooden black eyes have stared at the roller door daring it to open.

But the rocking horse knows that sooner or later the door will open and the sun will stream in and he will run like he has never run before.

PS

Three doors down from the storage place a man in his late twenties is bent over the bonnet of an old Holden ute trying to fix a faulty brake cable ‘Hey Warren when you have finished over there can you give me a hand with this Toyota?’ ‘No worries Nigel i will only be a minute’

The man straightens up and looks longingly at the pub up the road.

Sure it would be nice to sink a few schooners but the main reason to visit the local is to walk inside and walk up the courage to ask Cindy Watson out on a date.

THE END

Part Two is coming just hold your horses.

Thanks for taking the time to read my stories and please of you have the time could you make a donation so that i can reach my goal of becoming a fulltime writer . Thanks again Steven.

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Carpenters Crack

29 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by stevenjohnno in poems, stories

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adelaide, alice springs, australia, butt crack, cockapiddy, fault line, national disaster, police, tennant creek, the outback

The following is a story about an annoying little crack

 

Everyone in the world has heard about the andreas fault line in the united states.

But there is also a little known fissure down under in Australia.

The carpenters crack.

 

The crack first appeared on the evening of 26 August 2016.

 

It ran right down the middle of the main road in Alice Springs,Northern Territory.

At first it was only five feet long and a foot deep.

But as every hour when by the crack got longer wider and deeper.

 

At 11 pm when all of the pubs closed for the night a local named Joel Carpenter stumbles outside.

He is wearing a wobbly boot and has a serious case of the munchies

The local take away is lit up like a Christmas tree so Joel makes his way over and orders a works burger and a shit load of chips.

As he wait for his food Joel plays a battered old pinball machine and sings along with the radio.

When his number is called he grabs his meal and goes out into the night.

 

After a while he crosses the main street to take a short cut through the park when the road beneath him

Joel cries out in surprise but manages to grab hold of the edge of the asphalt with one hand.

He has dropped the bag of chips but the burger is held in a vice like grip.

 

But he sobers up real quick when he realises the trouble that he is in.

So he has one last bite from from tasty burger and reluctantly lets it drop into the crack.

And luckily Joel’s cries were heard by a few of the locals who come running over to see what the commotion is all about.

And they look over the edge of the crack in wonder.

 

One of them is a loud mouth who goes by the name of Bones pipes up’Well well well if it isn’t Joel Carpenter stuck in a crack’

Ha ha ha a carpenters crack,do you all get it ,do ya?’

I get it Bones’ Joel screams from below’But why don’t you stop flapping your gums and pull me up’.

And so the carpenters crack was born.

 

Once Joel is back on terra firma he and the others look down at the opening in the middle of the main drag.

What caused the road to crack open in the first place?

The ground didn’t shake so  there wasn’t an earthquake.

Plus there aren’t any volcano’s in Australia.

So maybe it is a sink hole or worse it is the Devil downstairs getting ready to make an appearance.

 

The authorities soon arrive and the whole area is cordoned off,search lights are set up around the perimeter.

And five policemen are stationed to keep an eye on the crack and to keep the locals away until reinforcements arrive from Adelaide at first light.

 

The carpenters crack is nasty but at the same time somewhat alluring.

You want to avert your eyes but you can’t stop looking.

 

After a few hours of patrolling the area the cops are bored out of their minds so they wander back to a squad car for some coffee and donuts.

But after eating a dozen chocolate glazed and drinking a thermos full of instant coffee they aren’t in the mood to going back on patrol.

So they decide to stay in the car and keep an eye on the crack from the comfort of the upholstered seats.

 

Than an almighty boom revertabrates throughout the outback it sounds like the sky is falling.

The police jump out of the car just in time and watch in amazement as the crack opens and their squad car disappears into the void.

 

The crack is moving faster than any carpenter ever has,it moves with lightning speed as it rips the Northern Territory apart.

What just a few hours ago was just an annoying little

Is now a national emergency.

 

As the cracks races north it hits the largest rock in the world the mammoth Uluru and it collapses into a pile of stone and dust.

And the wetlands of Kakadu National Park drain down into the abyss.

The crack is also ripping and tearing as it races south completely cutting off remote communities and small towns.

And because this disaster is happening way out beyond the black stump.

Most Australians aren’t even aware that a national crisis is afoot until they wake up and turn on the good morning news.

 

They watch as the crack explodes north toward Darwin and south to the great australian bite.

Helicopters fly over the over the crack sending back vision that sends a whole country into mourning.

Is Australia about to be torn in half?

 

In Canberra,the capitol of Australia,the prime minister is in crisis talks with his ministers about this latest disaster to hit the country.

And after an hour of discussion he orders the military to be mobilised.

If this crack isn’t stopped in its tracks Australia will be split in two.

 

In South Australia the crack is heading straight towards cockapiddy a small town on the nullabor plain.

While up north the crack is closing in fast on Tennant Creek.

Will these and other communities survive the crack?

 

A nation holds its breath.

 

The commander of the military General Roger B Highpants knows that he hasn’t got much time.

So he hitches up his trousers and gives the command ‘Take that crack down’

And after a day of bombardment the crack is obliterated and Australia is saved in the nick of time.

 

Not one Australian went to work that day they all gathered around their esky’s and BBQ’s.

And watched as the brave men and women of the armed forces bombed the shit out of that crack.

The slate has been wiped clean.

 

Live in Australia and in particular the small towns in the outback has returned to normal.

The crack is longer a immediate threat to the people of the nation.

But you can be reassured that everyone is on the lookout for another outback crack attack.

 

THE END.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and please if you have the means could you please make a donation so that i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

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