Tag Archives: desperation

I Cut

04 Sunday Jun 2017

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I cut myself this morning.

I cut myself deep.

My skin starts to tingle.

And my demons start to creep.

I cut a little deeper.

And i kind of like the pain.

I stare into my bathroom mirror.

And i cut myself again.

My cutting tool of choice.

Is a sharp little pocket knife.

I cut because i am always afraid.

My knife is my one and only friend.

I will cut until the bitter end.

I cut myself one more time.

And a line of blood appears on my face.

I look into my mirror.

But i stare into space.

I cut a little deeper.

And hope that my memories will disappear.

My blood runs down my face.

And mingles with my tears.

I don’t usually cut my face.

But my life has become a living hell.

I had to deal with a lot of people.

And i don’t do that well.

I cut myself again.

With my trusty little blade.

And i watch my blood flow.

I love my fucking knife.

It gets me through my life.

I know that i am a huge failure.

I never do anything right.

I try my best but it is never good enough.

Why do i even get out of bed.?

Who is that person living in my head?

My favourite colour is blue.

So why do i like blood so much?

Just a little nick.

And i feel some pleasure.

A pleasure that cuts through the pain.

I  feel some sort of release.

Some well earned peace.

A few of my friends at work.

Asked me about the cuts on my face.

I told them that i got scratched by my neighbours cat.

They laughed ‘Was it a fucking tiger?’

I tried to laugh with them.

But i could barely manage a smile.

While beneath the table i fondle my trusty blade of steel.

Only my knife knows how i feel.

I cut for the first time when i was thirteen.

I thought i was just your normal schoolboy

But the other kids thought different.

And they let me know in no uncertain terms.

I was constantly on my guard.

With a belly full of worms.

I was called names had my hair pulled

And some of the other kids even spat on my face.

That is when i retreated into my mind.

And went to a better place.

So i bought myself a pocket knife.

And started to cut.

The best places to cut.

Was my inner arms and thighs.

I cut and cut with silent cries.

When i was fourteen.

I was brutalised so much at school i could barely

function.

I struggled home a broken little boy.

The other kids had taken all of my joy.

That night i ran myself .

To try to drown away my sorrows.

As i washed myself my eyes were drawn to my fathers razor

sitting on the edge of the tub.

I picked it up and gave it a tender rub.

The razor was a wilkerson sword of unknown vintage.

Old and rusty but sharp just the same.

As i held that razor.

I heard it calling my name.

One deep cut.

And all of my pain would be gone.

But o couldn’t do it.

I didn’t want my parents to find me in a bath full

of blood.

So i just gave myself a shallow cut.

And marvelled at the drops of red.

I smiled at the sight.

And toddled off to bed.

I cut because i feel like it.

I cut because i can.

I cut to free myself.

I cut to be a better man.

They say that the first cut is the deepest.

But my deepest cut is yet to come.

It might be tomorrow or the day after that.

But my deepest cut will be one day very soon.

Of that i can give you a guarantee.

So listen really well.

Because this is my final plea.

I CUT.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize mt dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END.

Temporary Tomb (Part Two)

17 Saturday Sep 2016

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In part one of this story eight year old Tommy Tucker has been

abducted on his way home from school.

Tommy is the tenth little boy to go missing from the Coffs Harbour

area.

None of the other boys has been seen since.

Tommy has been taken to a farm house in the hinterland.

Where he is held captive in an old mine shaft.

About the same size as a small bathroom.

He is chained by his ankle to an steel pole.

With a small bucket for a toilet and an old lantern hanging on the

wall provides the only light.

Up in the farm house his abductor is staring into space.

He is really hoping that this boy is the one.

For three years he has searching for a replacement son.

He lost his own son to cancer.

And since that time he has been looking for a Simon lookalike.

This boy thought that he could deceive him.

And for that he will die down in the hole.

He looks out to his fields to where he has buried the other nine

boys.

Now he will have to dig a hole for another one.

Part Two.

Tommy has been held captive for three days now.

His abductor has given him very little food.

And only a few cupfuls of water.

And even though he hasn’t had much to eat he has visited the

bucket a few  times.

Now it is really starting to smell.

Tommy misses his mummy all he wants to do is go home.

His abductor isn’t at the farmhouse.

He is out in his car trolling the streets for another Simon.

It has only been three days since he  abducted the boy down in the

hole.

His needs are getting stronger.

But all he has found so far is little deceivers who pretend to be Simon.

Now those deceivers are buried out in his fields.

All except one.

He is just about to head on home when he spots a Simon lookalike up

ahead riding a skateboard.

He pulls alongside the kid and yells out the window ‘Simon get into the car

right now’.

The kid tells him that his name isnt Simon and that he must  be confusing him

for another kid.

‘Get in the car right now i am your father’

The boy notices the crazy look on the mans face and tries to back away.

But he isn’t quite quick enough and he is dragged in through the window

of the car and pushed to the floor.

‘Why do these little deceivers try to trick me ?

‘They pretend to be Simon and force me to do bad things.’

Soon they both arrive at the farm house.

The kid has no idea what is happening as he is led into the backyard

Where the crazy man pulls away a sheet of iron.

And he is told to climb down.

The abductor follows the boy down into the shaft ‘Jesus what is that smell?’

Tommy points at the bucket ‘Sorry mister’

The abductor lets out a curse of disgust ‘For fuck sake i will be right back’

Tommy tells the new kid’Quick climb out and go and get help’

But the kid is frightened out of his wits ‘I cant the crazy man will kill me’

Tommy cant believe it ‘Okay see that lantern over there grab it and bring it

over here’

The new kid grabs the lantern and hands it to Tommy.

Tommy puts the lantern on the floor near them.

But not too close.

He just hopes that the abductor doesn’t notice.

They hear the sound of the iron cover being moved.

Than the abductor appears with a new clean bucket.

But no food or water.

Than he chains the new kid to the pole and leaves without saying

a word.

Thank Christ the whack job didn’t notice that the lantern had been moved.

Because has come up with a brilliant plan of escape.

He grabs the lantern and takes off the glass cover and holds the binding

chain over the flame.

‘God i hope this works’ But after half an hour nothing seems to be happening

Than slowly but surely the chain becomes red hot.

Tommy turns to the new kid ‘When the chain breaks i will go and get help so

just sit tight’

The new kid is hysterical ‘If the crazy man comes back and finds you gone he will

kill me for sure’

Tommy knows that the new kid is right ‘Okay hold your chain near the flame but don’t

get your hands too close’

The abductor has been busy as well.

He is out in his field digging two small swallow graves.

It takes a lot of work but it has to be done.

The sooner that those two deceivers are in the ground the better.

Tommy is keen to make a run for it ‘Quick before the man comes back’

The new kid knows that he is holding Tommy back.

But with a sudden twang the chain snaps.

They both jump up and down all excited now to get the fuck out of here.

They race to the ladder and start to climb.

But than they hear the sound of the cover being removed.

Tommy whispers ‘Quick go back to where you were and hold your hands

behind your back so the crazy man cant see that we are free’

Both boys sit on the ground and try to look nonchalent.

The abductor climbs down the ladder with a bag full of food.

‘I have been to MacDonald’s and bought some burgers and fries

Even the condemned get to eat a final meal’

Than the abductors mobile phone begins to ring ‘For fuck sake what now?

Okay i will be there yes i know that it is important Bye’

Than the abductor notices the lantern on the floor ‘How did that get there?’

Tommy pipes up ‘You left it there when you changed the shit bucket’

The abductor looks at Tommy with steely eyes.

Then he bends and hangs the lantern back on the wall.

And with one last look at the boys he is gone.

Tommy cant believe it.

The abductor has left his mobile phone behind.

Tommy grabs the phone and dials triple 000 and as calmly as he can he tells

the dispatcher who he is and the location as best as he knows.

The dispatcher tells Tommy to put the phone back where he found it but leave

it switched so the police can use it to track there location.

At police headquarters tells detectives Coverdale and Hughes about the phone call.

Finally they have a breakthrough the phone call has been traced to a farm house

in the Coffs Harbour hinterland.

And twenty police officers race to the scene.

At the farm house Tommy and the new kid decide that it is now or never.

So they climb the ladder and push the iron cover aside.

Tommy is surprised to see the daylight he has grown used to the dark.

He and the new kid take in their surroundings and look for the whack job.

Than they race as fast as they can down the long driveway.

At that moment the abductor is looking out to the killing fields.

When he sees the two boys running towards freedom.

And after screaming a few obscenities he takes off after them.

Both boys are only halfway down the driveway when they hear foot steps

behind them.

They have a quick scared look behind them.

And they know that they will never make it.

The abductor grabs both boys by the scruff of the neck and starts to drag

them back towards the farm house.

But than ten police cars turn into the driveway.

The abductor is caught like a deer in the headlights.

To stunned to move.

The police fan out.

And detective Coverdale screams at him to let the boys go.

The abductor knows that he is done for as he looks at the police with

their guns drawn.

So he comes to a decision.

If he cant see Simon in this life he will see him in the afterlife.

He kisses both Tommy and the new kid goodbye.

And runs straight toward the police reaching behind for his gun.

BANG BANG BANG the abductor falls to the ground a bloody heap.

And he has died with a smile on his face.

Maybe he will see Simon again in a better place.

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories and now if you have the means could you make a donation to help me achieve my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

THE END.