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‘ Camel Toe Joe ‘( Part Two )

27 Saturday Mar 2021

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In the first installment i introduced you to a runaway child who had ambitions of becoming a famous bushranger.

Young Joseph Markham left the family home in Ballarat Victoria in the dead of the night.

Aged fifteen Joe is about to leave a huge impression in Australian history he just doesn’t know it yet.

He borrowed his fathers horse and rode the short distance from Ballarat to Bendigo arriving on the morning of 23rd of July 1846 and got a job loading wagons at the local general store.

His boss Mr Clarence Denning thought the world of Joe and treated him like the son he never had.

Joe worked at the store for just on three years and everything was going well and Joe actually thought about settling down living a quiet life but that all changed in May 1849 when when a posse of wild horsemen rode into town.

The riders yelled and hollered all the way down main street, Joe didn’t know what all the noise was about until he heard the words GOLD GOLD GOLD.

The precious metal was dug from the ground on 10th May and from that moment the nations wealth grew and Joe’s life changed forever.

A week later an old Chinese man named Huong Long galloped into town on a camel who for some reason took an instant dislike to Joe.

The feelings were mutual and Joe taunted the beast endlessly until while he was chatting to Mr Long the camel delivered a kick to Joe’s chin leaving behind a three inch long tender gash that would become the amateur bushranger’s soul patch.

The wound required twenty stitches and continuously wept, Joe would rub the spot continuously seeking respite from an itch that would never go away.

When the Chinaman finished his business in town Joe offered to tag along on the return trip to the goldfields.

Mr Luong was happy to have the company but he warned Joe to stay away from his camel or he would be left behind plus another kick to the head could be fatal.

Joe promised to be on his best behavior and for the most part he was true to his word.

Along the way Mr Long confided in Joe telling him how an evil man named Percy Carruthers stole his mining permit forcing him and his fifteen year old daughter Knut Fu to work in his mansion on the edge of the fields.

Carruthers ruled with an iron fist forcing the miners to pay him 10% of all the gold that they dug from the ground under the blazing desert sun.

Joe was boiling with rage when the party of three reached the goldfields but he got to met the elegant Knut Fu and it was she who christened Joe with what would become a famous moniker when her father told her how his travel companion got his chin wound.

Squirming with laughter the daughter pointed at Joe ‘You “Camel Toe Joe” and a legend was born.

While Mr Long was unpacking the camel Carruthers made an appearance ordering the Chinaman and his daughter to return to his house and prepare his midday meal then he turned his dead eyes in Joe’s direction demanding to know who he was ‘My name is Joseph Markham and i am here to help Mr Long out of his predicament, if you return his mining permit and let them go about staking a claim like everyone else than i will turn the other cheek but if you fail to do so i will be forced to bring you down good and proper’

Carruthers stands 6′ 3″ inches and weighs over 13 stone and he doesn’t take kindly to young whipper snappers voicing their opinion ‘Well Joseph let me tell i am the sole authority around these parts no you now go away before i throw you in the stockade to learn some manners’

As the stand over merchant delivers his sermon a dozen of his henchmen step forward and surround Joe but he shows no fear in fact he spits in Carruthers direction’ You and your flunkies don’t scare me Carruthers, mark my words you are a dead man walking so saddle up and disappear before i put you out of your misery’

Carruther’s face turns beet red ‘ Throw him in the stockade and throw away the key, lets see how long he lasts without food or water’

50 yards away the camel has been watching proceedings unobserved, with an angry snort he trots away into the undergrowth.

CHAPTER TWO

After cooling his heels in the brig for a few hours Joe is mighty thirsty, thankfully the temperature has dropped but it is still stifling in his tiny cell.

‘Please if you send me an angel to help me escape from this hell hole i promise to behave myself and become a better man’

Joe’s nostrils twitch when a nasty smell wafts in through the bars of his cell window maybe a ‘roo or wombat has perished in the heat, taking a gander out into the night he is surprised to see a long lashed animal looking back at him.

‘Jesus haven’t you heard about bathing in a little water now and then? You smell like a quoll has crawled up your arse and died’

Sighing in frustration the camel sidles sideways revealing a coil of rope slung over one of his humps ‘ Holy shit you are one smart camel aren’t you? Come closer so i can tie an end to the bars and then pull with all your strength so i can get the fuck out of here’

‘Oh and by the way i sorry about my wise arse remark about your personal hygiene and i probably deserved your toe kick to my face but if you bust me out of here i promise to buy you a big cake of soap and all the food you can eat, so what do ya say mate?’

The camel doesn’t reply he just snorts in disgust but lets Joe uncoil the rope in preparation of a jailbreak.

Joe suspects that Mr Long and his daughter had a hand in suppling the rope and he is grateful to them, even though he has never tied a knot before Joe ties the knot securely around a bar and gestures to the camel that he is ready.

As the camel gets into position Joe strokes the small cleft on his chin, the wound id still tender and tingles as Joe as keeps a wary eye out for any guards who might foil his escape.

The camel digs in his back feet in the dirt to gain traction then the beast slowly walks forward, the bars buckle and with a snap they are ripped from the window frame, joe climbs out and lands on the frame of metal bars and the camel takes fast into the desert while behind him Joe hangs on for grim death.

A shot rings out narrowly missing Joe who loses his hold on the metal toboggin and falls off leaving him open for the guards to take another shot.

The camel is tempted to leave the annoying little shit behind but he is loyal to his master Mr Long so he doubles back and squats down onto the ground and Joe wastes no time jumping on, clinging to a hump the pair of desperado’s disappear into the night under a barrage of bullets.

For three days they stay at an old abandoned copper mine ten miles out of town and whilst boy and camel recuperate they form an unlikely friendship.

When the sun rises on a fourth day Joe to eager to sneak back to the goldfields and free Mr Long and Knut Fu from the tyranny of Carruthers plus the miners deserve to be able to dig for their livelihoods without having to hand over the gold they toiled to dig from the dirt to a brute and his henchmen.

As they travel back to the fields realizes that he has to call the camel something ‘Hey how about i give you a name to make Mr Long proud?’

Getting no reply Joe continues on ‘What about Mildred now that is a good name, you look like a Mildred to me’

The camel rolls his eyes in contempt ‘Okay so you don’t like Mildred what about Clarence?

Raising his front right leg the camel wriggles his toes signaling to Joe that he better come up with a better alternative or he will receive another kick’ Joe rubs in the furrow on his chin ‘Ok calm down i was only joking;

‘Wait i have it , what about Archibald? From now on you will be forever known as Sir Archibald Camelus, what do you think?

The dromedary paces back and forth considering the title bestowed upon him ‘Come on make a decision because we need to get back and rescue Huong Long and Knut Fu’

The camel smiles and squats so Joe can climb aboard’ Sir Archibald it is then, now hot foot it so we can return the goldfields to the miners and put Carruthers six foot under where he belongs’.

Ten miles away the two guards who fell asleep after drinking a bottle of rum allowing Joseph Markham to escape custody swing silently in the breeze.

They were hanged at first light the morning after the escape on the orders of Carruthers and now their bodies are on display reminding everyone on the goldfields what will happen to them if they to even think about deceiving the mine overlord.

From the balcony of his huge house on the edge of the fields Carruthers points to the bodies of twenty two year old Peter James and Samuel Jacobs a eighteen year old father of two as he begins an address to the 800 or so miners gathered around the diggings’ Disobey me at your own peril now get back to work before i skin you all alive’

The miners quickly disperse but an under current of resentment ripples through their ranks, it is now only a matter of time before they fight back and thankfully a bushranger in the making is about to offer a helping hand.

Inside the mansion Huong Long and Knut Fu clean and polish every surface they are now nothing more then slaves. Huong is tempted to rush forward and shove Carruthers over the balcony to the mob below but he hasn’t got the courage.

All he can do is hope that Joseph will return soon and help them return to a normal life away from the boss man and his evil ways.

One yards away Joe and Sie Archibald peer over the crest of a sand dune to see if the coast is clear, Joe rubs the cleft on his chin with worry and sorrow, his weary eyes moisten at the sight of two innocents who were hanged all to appease the ego of the evil overload Carruthers.

Joe realizes that he wont be able to bring down Carruthers by himself, if peace is to exist on the goldfields he will need to enlist help from the miners and together they will organize an uprising never seen in Victoria.

Skirting the edge of the encampment Joe Joe sidles up to a group of around twenty miners having morning tea ‘G day i don’t know if you blokes have heard the news? On the other side of the fields there is a lot of talk that Carruthers is planning on increasing the levy that he illegally takes from all the miners, it is an outrage, why should that prick be profiting from all your hard work ?’

‘He needs to be eliminated before he can inflict anymore pain and misery on you and your families, we need to stand united as one and bring justice to the goldfields, spread the word.’

The miners begin to talk amongst themselves and Joe strides away satisfied that he has planted a seed, hopefully the seed will germinate and when it does the proverbial will stick nourishing Joe’s masterplan.

For two days Joe mingles unobserved with the miners whispering in the ear of anyone who will listen and a rumbling of discontent soon grows in intensity threatening to explode like a powder keg.

As he patrols the fields high up in the saddle of his stallion Carruthers can smell and almost taste the tension in the air, he is surrounded by six of his best men and he warns them to keep and eye out for trouble his manager an ugly Irish brute named Shamus O’ Dwyer riding beside his boss is nervous but puts up a brave front.

‘I need to attend to some business down near Darling Creek Shamus, if the miners cause any trouble shot to kill’

With those cowardly words Carruthers high tails it back to his mansion leaving his underlings in mortal danger.

At the mansion Mr Long is in the kitchen cooking whilst his 18 year old daughter Knut Fu is busy wiping every surface clean under the watchful eye of the housekeeper Molly Taylor a 36 year old woman from Boston who arrived in Australia three months prior chasing her dream of striking it rich but she soon found herself completely out of her depth.

The heat and the flies took a huge toll on her health and sanity and her skin blistered under the blazing sun but lucky for her she was rescued by her boss and given shelter and a job.

She knows that Mr Carruthers is a despised figure around these parts but he has always been kind to her but lately his mood has darkened so Molly has kept out of his way waiting for normality to return.

She shrieks in fright on hearing the front door slam and on seeing he look on his face she knows that something awful is troubling her boss and instead of fleeing she immediately takes charge and leads him down the stairs into the cellar until the danger passes.

‘Molly the danger as you call it isn’t going to go away, soon eight hundred plus angry miners are going to storm this place and try to kill me, they will probably burn the house to the ground so stay done here with me Molly and with any luck we can hide and live to fight another day.’

Molly isn’t keen staying down in the dank cellar but when she hears the mob outside start ramming the door she has second thoughts.

Mr Long notices Carruthers followed by his housekeeper sneak down the stairs to escape being lynches so he rushes over to the door to let the marauding mob inside so they can bring Carruthers to justice.

Outside Camel Toe is doing his best to calm the situation but he getting drowned out by hundreds of angry miners carrying rifles and axes intent on finding the deceiving mine boss and tearing him limb from limb ‘Listen i know that you are angry and wish to kill Carruthers but if you do that than none of you will ever see one single cent of the money that he stole from you so settle down, i will go inside and bring the arsehole out here and he can tell you where the money is then i will personally drag his sorry arse down to Melbourne where he will be charged with murder and extortion’

Most of the miners calm down but some are still out for blood ‘Why should we trust you with our gold, for all i know you could be in cohorts with Carruthers, i say say we storm the place and take what is ours and hang the mongrel from the nearest tree”

I guarantee you that i am on your side so how about if five or six of you go inside with me because if you rush inside like chooks with their heads cut there is bound to be casualties and that is the last thing we want to happen’.

The angry miner who spoke thinks for a second before nodding his head in agreement ‘Okay you have a deal i will go in with you, my name is Nathan Miller by the way’ he scans the mob then points at individuals ‘Jones, Smith, Johnson and um Banes at the back, lets go inside and catch the prick and find our gold.’

Despite being rammed repeatedly the front door stands firm so you motions for Sir Archibald to come over and deliver a swift kick and having first hand experience of the viciousness of a camel kick Joe stands clear but in the end a kick isn’t needed because with a squeak the door opens and a tiny Chinaman pokes his head out ‘Come quick, Carruthers has gone down to the cellar’

Down in the cellar Molly can’t take in what she is seeing, fifty or so sacks of gold nuggets take up most of the floor space ‘Now i know why you wanted to come down here you slimy bastard, you do realize that any minute no hundreds of angry miners are going to storm down here so hoarding all this gold that you stole from the miners has all been a monumental of of time, if i had a gun i would put a bullet in your head and be done with it’

‘Molly Molly Molly, i hear what you are saying but there is a lot more gold out there in this great state of ours and i do admit that it will be a shame to leave these sacks of gold behind but right now we need to leave before they catch us and God knows what the mob will do to us.’

There is no us or we Carruther’s this is all your doing not mine so be a man for once in your life and walk up the stairs and take your medicine.’

Shaking his head in disappointment Carruthers sprints over to a corner of the cellar than like a magician he disappears behind a partition.

Molly begins to investigate but then the door to the cellar shatters and seven angry men rush down the stairs but soon stop dead in their tracks when they notice the sacks of gold.

‘Eureka’ Miller hollers with joy’ Okay fella’s help me carry these sacks upstairs Joe can find Carruthers’

Camel Joe shakes his head in wonder, how can Miller be so stupid?’

‘Miller those sacks must weigh half a ton each, you and your mates guard the gold and later each and every miner can come down here and claim what is rightfully theirs but now has anyone seen Carruthers?’

Molly is growing frustrated because while the miners had eyes for the gold it gave Carruthers precious minutes to escape further into the bush.

Joe finally notices Molly motioning to him ‘About bloody time, Carruthers went that way’ the housekeeper jabs in the direction of the partition.

Knowing that Carruthers could be armed and dangerous Joe warily peaks around the partition and is astounded to see a tunnel with a train tracks going out the desert hundreds of yards in the distance.

Carruthers must have used some sort of pump trolley to make his escape but Camel Toe isn’t that worried, tomorrow Carruthers will be brought to justice.

Outside Shamus O’ Seamus and a dozen other of Carruthers henchmen watch proceedings with interest, O’ Seamus knows that there is a shitload of gold in that mansion and he aims to take it before the miners claim it back.

Carruthers has more than likely escapes otherwise he would have been brought outside by now, smiling like a cat that swallowed the cream the killer realizes that with Carruthers gone he will soon be a very rich man.

Sitting in the shade outside the big house MR Long and his daughter Knut Fu talk happily because now they are free to do as they please without threat of harm.

Sir Archibald stands beside them chewing on his cud surveying the countryside, he knows that the evil man is out there somewhere it is only a matter of time arsehole you will be caught.

Joe joins his friend and together the odd pair gaze out on the endless miles of orange dust ‘Tomorrow Carruthers tomorrow you are mine’

THE END

Part three coming soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and if you have the means could you please make a donation large or small so i can fulfill my dream and become a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

‘Camel Toe Joe’

05 Saturday Dec 2020

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A little known Australian bushranger with the strange moniker of Camel Toe Joe has been on my mind a lot lately.

He doesn’t feature in any historical records that i have seen ( in fact historians will tell you that he never existed at all ).

Plus if you search the web for any references to Camel Toe Joe you will see more than you bargained for.

I don’t think it is right for this Australian legend to remain virtually unknown to his fellow countrymen and the world at large so i have taken it upon myself to set the record straight and write all about his exploits and adventures to the best of my ability.

Joseph Markham is thought to have been born on or about the 2nd June 1831 at his families homestead on the banks of Lake Wendouree just outside of Ballarat Victoria.

His father Stephen Markham was a violent hard drinking man who also happened to be the local pastor.

From day one he completely ignored his responsibility as a parent leaving the upbringing up his son to his long suffering wife Betsy.

From the age of five Joe begin to run away from home to escape his fathers hard nosed attitude but he always returned when his stomach needed filling.

A poor student Joe struggled at school, he tried his best to get a good report from his teacher but his mind would wander and his eyes constantly gazed outside the classroom window trying to picture what lay over the hills beyond Lake Wendouree.

The teacher a mean old battle axe named Beatrice Coltrane would cane Joe for not paying attention and for fighting with the other children.

At home his father would beat his son in an attempt to rein in his wayward ways but Joe wasn’t to be shackled and be just your average schoolboy and a week before his 15th birthday Joe paced a few belongings, saddled up his fathers horse and rode off into the night.

It would twenty years before he saw his parents again.

Joe didn’t have any plans or ideas of which direction he should head nor for that matter what it took to survive out in the back of beyond.

But the horse seemed to know where it was going so Joe sat back and even though he was afraid the ginger haired skinny teenager rode high in the saddle like a nobleman on his way to meet the queen.

Every hour or so he would stop to rest his aching joints and to give the horse a well earned drink.

Up in the trees the Cockatoo’s and Galah’s were waiting for the sun to rise keeping an eye on the stranger in case he would leave any crumbs for them to swoop on come dawn but unfortunately for them Joe only had a small piece of sausage leftover from his last meal at home.

As he ate Joe also had an eye out for any danger from snakes plus from the native aborigines who were known to be hostile towards the white folk.

Joe rode into Bendigo on the morning of 29th July 1846 still unsure leaving home was a good decision but at the same he was determined to find his own way in life.

He tied his horse outside a general store that had a sign on the front door ‘help wanted enquire within’ but than he thought about his parents back home especially his father who Joe knew relied heavily on his horse so he untied the colt pointed back the way from where they came. ‘say hello to ma and pa for me boy’ then he slapped the horses rump.

Once he knew the horse was homeward bound Joe stepped into the general store to enquire about the job.

Noticing an old timer the counter he sauntered over’Hi mister my name is Joe and i am here about the job, i know that i am small for my age but i am as strong as an ox and i can work from sun up to sun down’

Joe has never worked a day in his life but he can lie with the best of them.

When no reply was forthcoming Joe had another look at the old man ‘Jesus he looks older than Moses, i hope he doesn’t drop dead before he gives the job’

‘Thanks for your concern young fellow, my name isn’t Moses and i can still rattle the bones of any of the young ladies in the whorehouse across the street’

My name is Clarence Denning the owner of this fine establishment, be here 6 o’clock sharp and we will see if a little runt like you can walk the work or just talk the talk’

Joe is still trying to figure out what ‘rattle the bones’ means so it takes him a few seconds to reply ‘Ah thanks mister but i don’t own a watch but maybe there is a rooster around these parts who could wake me up?’

‘I dont quite know how long i will be in town for because i have plans on becoming a famous bushranger one day’

Chuckling heartily Clarence told Joe that there is a room around back that he can use until he hones his bushranger skills.

Joe worked at the Bendigo general store for almost three years helping Mr Denning load wagons with sacks of sugar, flour and salt plus barrels of kerosene and crates of beer and whiskey.

It was hard work but Joe built up his strength and inner resilience, his hands bled and back ached a bitch but he never once complained.

Every night as he slept Joe dreamt about robbing banks, hiding out in the bush and maybe rattling a few bones himself.

His name would feature on the front page of every national newspaper from Melbourne to Sydney and all godforsaken places in between.

Then on the morning of 14th September 1850 Joe’s life and the nations coffers were bolstered.

It was just another average Victorian morning, sunny with a chance of rain, the kookaburra’s and crow’s were greeting another day screeching and chatting amongst themselves.

‘Jesus who needs a freaking rooster with these noisy birds are around’ joe thought as he helped load the first wagon of the day, then the mundane was broken when Mr Denning noticed a cloud of dust approaching from the west.

‘Be ready to run inside Joe we might have ourselves some trouble’

Ten horseman rode into view waving their hats screaming at the top of their lungs ‘What are they saying Mr Denning?’

When the men hurtled past the store to became clear to all and sundry what they were excited about. GOLD GOLD GOLD

There is gold in them there hills.

Over the following months Bendigo was swamped with people from across the country and overseas all with one thing on their minds.

Strike it rich on the goldfields and go home a happy man.

After working his fingers to the bone in the general store joe has no great desire to go digging out in the goldfields under the blazing sun.

When he was a young boy his mother would read him about pirates robbing and pillaging out on the high seas.

They had names like Blackbeard, Calico Joe and William Kidd, names that have stood the test of time.

Joe knows that if he is to become a famous he will have to come up with a name fitting the position.

And as fate his last day that he worked for Mr Denning a suitable name was unwittingly thrust upon him.

While he was stacking the shelves with canned goods a commotion outside caught his attention ‘ Come take a look Joe’ Mr Denning called from the front window ‘Have you ever seen a camel before?’

‘Shit a shingle boss i don’t even know what a camel is’

‘There is no need to cuss young man come take a gander’

Joe couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw this large awkward looking animal with knobbly legs and two humps on its back trotted past the store.

Sitting between the humps was a man with a long black ponytail wearing a white dress.

‘Who in the fuck is that man Mr Denning?’

‘I told you before Joe that i want put up with any fucking swearing in my presence, but to answer your question i think his name is Mr Long who has come all the way from China to make his fortune like everybody else but he was railroaded by Samuel Carruthers, now the chinaman is now nothing than a cook and odd jobs man for Carruthers and his gang of thieves’

‘Carruthers is a mean nasty son of a bitch who owns most of the land around these parts, he exhorts money from the miners who dare search for gold even if they don’t encroach on his land’

‘Sounds like robbery to me Mr Denning plain and simple’

Then and there 19 year old Joseph Markham decided that when he becomes a bushranger he will teach Carruthers a lesson and give all the money back to the miners, less a finders fee of course.’

An hour Joe was sitting outside the store on a well earned break when he noticed Mr Long leading the camel towards him.

Once the animal was tied to a post Mr Long asked if he could buy some two sacks of salt and one sack of tobacco. ‘Sure thing Mr Long but before we go inside can i take the camel for a ride? Are the humps full of water or milk?

While he talked Joe began walking towards the tethered beast ‘Not so close, camel mean will kick’ Mr Long warned Joe but it was too little too late.

‘Sorry but i have never seen a camel before, it sure is ugly though, i bet it would scare the feathers from the birds and cause the roo’s to run for the hills’

The camel sensing that it is being put down by the camel waited until his antagonist was within range then without warning delivered an almighty kick that connected with Joe’s jaw but lucky for him it was only a glancing blow, if it wasn’t Joe would be getting measured for two caskets, one for his body the other for his head.

As it was the camel’s toe left a three inch long groove from hid bottom lip to below his chin.

The gash was looked puffy and swollen but at the same time was oddly alluring.

After applying fifteen stitches to Joe’s wound the town’s doctor offered some free advice ‘You will probably have a scar for life and if i were you i would give that camel a wide berth from now on’

Through his pain Joe managed a reply ‘Thanks for your words of wisdom doc but i intend on showing that camel that it made a huge mistake and i intend to teach it some manners’

Upon leaving the surgery Joe was confronted by a very apologetic Mr long ‘Sorry sorry for your injury, my camel did very bad thing, how can i make it up to you?’

Joe thought for a second ‘You can do two things for me and than we will be even’.

‘First when you leave here today i want to go with you and secondly i want to apologize to the camel for getting on it’s bad side’

‘Huong Long gave Joe a wary look ‘Please camel very dangerous, maybe you write letter and i give it to him?’

‘Don’t worry Mr Long i promise not to get to close’

On seeing Joe approach the camel flexed it’s muscles and wriggled it’s toes in anticipation of drawing more blood.

Joe stopped ten foot from the crazy beast ‘I am very sorry for calling you ugly but now i can see that you are even uglier than i first thought plus i just got a whiff and i have to say that you smell like a wombat has crawled up your huge arse and died’

Mr Long rushed forward pushing Joe out of the way of a massive golly of saliva the camel spat ‘You call that an apology? You crazy now you and camel are mortal enemies, like elephant camel never forget’

Once it had recovered from the insults the camel lowered itself to the ground and Mr Long climbed into the saddle then he urged the camel forward ‘You coming or not? And don’t get too camel or he will kick you again plus stay down wind because if he farts you will never remove the stench from your nostrils’

On the journey to the gold fields Mr Long told Joe that he came to Australia with his sixteen year old daughter Knot Fu Long with plans of striking it rich with gold so that they could return to china and live a happy life but that his plans were shattered by a very bad man.

Mr Long clearly distressed paused to catch his breath but Joe took pity on him ‘It is okay, my boss told me how Carruthers is ruling the gold fields with an iron fist but rest assured that when we arrive i will do everything in my power to bring him down’

Please Mr Joe Carruthers has many soldiers and if you cross him it will only make matters worse for Knot Fu and me’

I might be young but i promise you that when Carruthers falls from his perch he will be in no position to harm anyone’

Along the way the camel continually farted and belched whilst giving Joe the evil eye just daring him to come closer.

Joe ignored the camel and was relieved when just before dusk the three weary travelers arrived at the gold fields.

Looking around Joe couldn’t believe the size of the place and even at seven o’clock at night there was a hive of activity.

Gold fever was in the air and Joe almost stumbled from its euphoric effect ‘Father father over here’ Joe turned to see a young girl running toward them. Welcome back father who is the stranger with you? And what happened to his face?

Be quiet Knot Fu, this is Mr Joe from in town who came along for the ride plus he also wants to help us get from under the scourge of Carruthers and his soldiers’

Mr Long suddenly stopped talking and gazed over at a huge house on the far side of the fields ‘That is where Carruthers lives, Knut Fu and i are forced to live there as servants while he plunders the plot that i paid for out of my life savings, but it isn’t only me, all the miners pay Carruthers 10% and if they don’t pay or try and cheat well they disappear never to be seen again’

Joe is seething with rage and the gash on his chin begins to weep and pulsate.

The apprentice bushranger rubs the tender spot not noticing Mr long and his daughter whispering and laughing Hey Mr Joe i was just telling Knot Fu how the camel kicked you and well, here Knot Fu butted in giggling ‘You camel toe Joe’

And so on the evening of 3rd March 1847 the legend was born.

‘Where in the fuck have you been you old chinese cunt, do you think that i run my business on Peking time?’

‘Well let me tell you that i don’t now pray tell who is this boy with you, maybe he could help you and your scrawny daughter help to make my life more comfortable?

Joe eyed the old man astride his horse with contempt ‘My name is Joseph Markham and i am here to help Mr Long out from his predicament’

‘ Perhaps you would be kind enough to give him back his mining rights so that he can dig for gold free from greedy arseholes like you’

Carruthers face turned beet red his eyes bulging not quite believing what he just heard.

The burly 6′ 3′ two hundred pound stand over merchant doesn’t take kindly to anyone upsetting his apple cart ‘Look around you young man i have over fifty men under my command and this very second they have their rifles aimed in your direction’

‘Throw him in the stockade and perhaps as he rots away young Joseph will learn to keep his mouth shut’

Mr Long and his daughter can do nothing to help Joe as he is dragged away by three henchmen to an unknown fate.

The camel stamped his feet in frustration at the apprehension of his adversary who he has grown to admire because the little shit can take a kicking and keep on ticking.

Then things take a turn for the worse as his master and child are forced at gunpoint back to the big house.

Unnoticed by Carruthers or any of his soldiers the camel trots over into the undergrowth and almost immediately begins to formulate a rescue mission.

THE END.

Chapter two coming soon.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and please if you have the means could you make a donation that i can finally reach my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Hell Dorado ( Part Two )

02 Saturday Dec 2017

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In part one of this story I introduced you to Daniel Carruthers a mild mannered archivist who has worked at the national library in London for over twenty years.

But Daniel was bored out of his mind there must be more to life than working as a civil servant.

He needed something to spice up his life.

And as luck would have it one day as he was sorting through a box of old books and letters.

He came across a journal that belonged to the famous explorer Sir Walter Raleigh.

As Daniel read the journal the came across that chapter that mentions el dorado and a map of it’s possible location.

Already the lust for gold has infected Daniel’s brain.

He quit his job and flew to Colombia where he met a local named Miquel who became his business partner.

Together they led an expedition of a dozen guides on the quest for el dorado where they travelled through the jungle looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

After two weeks of searching and finding nothing the group camp on the edge of a raging river to contemplate their next move.

The guides threaten to turn back if they aren’t paid immediately and soon an argument brakes out and Miquel is shot and killed.

Daniel and one of the Guido wrestle over the journal and fall into the swirling water below.

Taking the journal with them.

Part Two.

When Daniel and Guido hit the water they are immediately swept downstream where they tumble around like ragdolls scraping their bodies on some sharp rocks.

They both shoot to the surface bloodied and bruised but still alive Daniel is clutching the journal to his chest.

And miraculously it is still bone dry.

The remaining guides follow the two downstream in a couple of rusty old land rovers than one of them points ahead to a massive waterfall.

If they can get to the bottom of the falls before the two doomed men then they can get their hands on the journal and become rich beyond their wildest dreams.

Daniel and Guido are both struggling to stay alive when they both go over the edge to an almost certain death.

Beneath the falls the guides watch as Daniel and Guido go over the edge it is fifty metres down to a lagoon below.

There is no way that anyone could survive that fall.

As he goes to his death Daniel knows that he was a fool to travel halfway across the world seeking his fortune in gold.

El dorado has become hell dorado.

He closes his eyes says goodbye to his family and friends and waits for the inevitable.

All the way down he clutches the journal that has brought him nothing but pain and sorrow.

He wants to throw the journal into the water but for some reason he just can’t let go.

Than a hand grabs hold of Daniel’s left ankle and he and Guido are pulled into the waterfall.

On the shoreline the guides watch in disbelief as the two men disappear from view.

One second they were falling to their death than they just vanish into thin air.

They wait for an hour and still no bodies appear so they decide to hang around until they can get their hands on the journal.

When Daniel comes to his senses he realises that it wasn’t a hand  that saved him and Guido from a certain death it was a tentacle.

And that tentacle is attached to a giant octopus.

The octopus is at least thirty feet in length with tentacles the same length again and it holds Daniel and Guido in a death grip.

Guido is slowly losing his mind as the octopus squeezes even harder ‘Listen here you motherfucker if you don’t put me down right now I will turn you into a big pile of calamari and shit you out tomorrow’

The octopus swings Guido down and holds him under you water to knock the fight out of him.

Than the octopus brings the tentacle holding a stunned Guido to its beak and Guido is eaten alive.

Daniel is shaking with fright as he hears Guido’s bones snap as he becomes a part of the food chain.

The octopus swings Daniel towards it’s mouth and Daniel knows that there is no escape this time,he is about to become dessert and there is nothing he can do about it.

But than the octopus brings Daniel up to eye level where they stare at each other.

Daniel looks deep into the big black orb and prays for a quick death an end to this foolish adventure.

But the octopus has other ideas because he lowers Daniel to the ground and disappears beneath the murky depths.

Daniel can’t believe his luck as he watches the beast dive to digest his meal

He turns away and for the for time he has a chance to take in his surroundings and he can’t quite believe what he is seeing.

The sky is crimson and the trees are a vivid orange and overhead shines a huge blue moon

He looks at the journal to get his bearings and slowly makes his way toward a distant snow capped mountain’

Hopefully he will find the famous lake guatavita and discover the gold f el dorado.

As Daniel walks he studies the journal and he even starts to whistle he has a good feeling about this place.

Than from behind him he hears the sound of approaching hooves.And when he looks back he is astonished to see a white unicorn trotting toward him.

When the unicorn gets level with Daniel it stops and squats to the ground.’Are you going to stand there gawking or are you going to jump aboard so we can be on our way?’

Daniel mounts the talking unicorn and commands’Take me to el dorado’

The unicorn winks at Daniel and trots off toward the distant mountain.

Daniel hangs on to the unicorn’s mane as it gallops along a rocky path and than without even a ‘hang on’ the unicorn unfolds its wings and takes to the sky.

Daniel says a few words that his mother wouldn’t like and hangs on for grim death as the unicorn weaves  between the clouds on the way to el dorado.

After a few hours the pair reach the mountain and the unicorn flies lower and lower trying to find a good place to land.

Than a lake comes into view and the unicorn glides down and performs a perfect landing on the shoreline.

Daniel dismounts glad to be back on terra firma again.

Meanwhile the unicorn has wandered off to eat some orange leaves and pink grass.

Than it lifts its tail and deposits a pile of golden manure on the ground.

‘Holy crap’Daniel can’t believe his eyes as he stares down at the golden mound.

There is gold everywhere.

Daniel sits on he edge of the lake dangling his feet in the cold water when a figure appears in the middle of the lake guatavita.

Daniel stares in wonder at the man and righty assumes that this is non other than the legendary King El Rey Dorado.

The king stands seven feet tall and his body is covered in gold dust while his head is adorned with peacock feathers.

King El Rey Dorado raises both arms in the air and prays to the heavens than he reaches into a pouch on his waist and throws nuggets of gold into the lake to appease the gods.

And to bring good fortune to his people.

The king calls out to the unicorn who trots over to his master and after getting reacquainted

The king climbs onto the unicorn and the pair soon disappear around a bend.

Not once had the king even acknowledged Daniel’s presence.

When he is alone Daniel runs around like a madman scooping up as many nuggets as he can.

He fills all of his pockets and a backpack with the ill gotten gains and struggles to stay upright.

Now that he has proof of el dorado’s existence he will be able to convince the guides to come back and help him plunder the land until there is nothing left but dirt and dust.

Than it finally dawns on Daniel that he is lost and alone in a strange land but he is now very very rich what can be better than that?

He looks around at the magnificent lake and mountain than he sets course back toward the waterfall.

But he struggles under the weight of the gold.

He is having a rest on the side of the road when a dodo bird walks up to him ‘Need a ride?

Nothing about this land surprises Daniel anymore so he climbs onto the back of the dodo and tells it to head to the waterfall ‘Fly as fast as you can’

The dodo look back at Daniel with disdain ‘I am a dodo bird I do not fly but I can walk at a brisk pace’

Daniel nods his head and the dodo walks off toward the waterfall.

But it soon starts to tire.

‘You are too heavy please lose the excess weight  or I will have to leave you here’

Daniel isn’t about to leave any gold behind so he dismounts the dodo who quickly waddles away.

Daniel is now stranded many miles and hours of travel time from the waterfall and there is no way he can walk that far carrying all the gold.

He doesn’t want to jettison any gold but now he mightn’t have any choice.

Than he remembers the journal in his backpack he pulls it out hoping against hope that the journal will somehow come to the rescue.

He lays the journal on the ground and opens it to a page where a crude map has been drawn by Sir Walter Raleigh.

As Daniel looks at the map it stirs and comes to life he watches as the river starts to run the mist shrouds the mountain and in the corner of the map way in the distance comes the sound of the waterfall.

Than the journal opens up and spreads out in the shape of a magic carpet than it hovers up to level with Daniels knees.

‘Well fuck me sideways Daniel whispers in awe ‘A freaking magic carpet’ He crawls into the middle of the journal.

And without a sound it glides toward the distant waterfall and home.

As the magic carpet makes toward freedom Daniel laughs with glee and waves his arms around in the breeze.

He is feeling a lot like Ali Baba but without the turban and the forty thieves.

And that gets Daniel thinking and he decides that he want return to plunder this beautiful land he will leave el dorado in peace.

As Daniel was daydreaming he has failed to notice that the magic carpet is closing in fast on the waterfall. Too fast in fact.

Daniel screams a warning to the journal but it takes no notice as it races full steam ahead.

But at least the octopus is nowhere in sight.

But Daniel has spoken to soon because just than the octopus rears its ugly head.

Daniel know if the octopus will be in a forgiving mood this time so he screams at the journal to give it all it has and the journal wraps itself around Daniel and takes off faster than a speeding bullet.

The journal with Daniel wraps all snug inside enters the beak of the octopus through the stomach past the bowel and intestines.

Then it explodes out of the bung hole like a runaway torpedo.

The journal crashes through the waterfall and lands with a splash in the lagoon on the other side.

Then the journal unfolds again and it floats to where the guides have been patiently waiting.

‘Well well well what do we have here one of the guides says as he pulls Daniel to his feet.

Then he notices the bulge in Daniel pockets ‘What’s in your pockets asshole?’

Daniel hangs his head he knows he cant beat all of the guides so he empties his pockets and one hundred gold nuggets tumble to the ground.

Except there isn’t any nuggets at Daniel’s feet all there are is one hundred pieces of coal.

Daniel laughs out loud’Oh well easy come easy go’

‘Sorry fellas but there is no el dorado the journal was a fake there is no gold it was a fools errand’

The guides are dumbstruck and offer no reply.

Daniel walks toward the land rovers but looks back just in time to see the journal floating back underneath the waterfall.

El dorado is safe.

For now.

THE END

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Hell Dorado

05 Saturday Aug 2017

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It is lunch time on 21 August 1974 and Daniel Carruthers is sitting at his desk beneath the National Museum London England

Daniel has been an archivist at the museum for over twenty years and he is bored out of his mind.

He has catalogued more books letters essays and journals than he cares to remember.

What Daniel needs is to get away from it all and recharge his batteries but his annual leave isn’t due until Christmas.

He sighs to himself as he sorts through a box of books on his desk.

 

Daniel is 35 years old and he has never had a steady girlfriend.

Like your typical librarian Danial wears thick glasses from years of reading in a dimly

lit room.

He wears clothes that were fashionable a decade prior and his skin is pasty from working down in the basement.

 

As Daniel works he comes across a dusty old journal written by the explorer Sir Walter

Raleigh.

The pages are fragile and yellowed with age but Daniel feels a wave of excitement as he starts to read.

As he reads Daniels heart begins to beat double time.He gets up from his chair walks to his office door and locks it.

Returning to his desk he reads ‘Journal entry 2nd July 1582’

‘Tomorrow i set sail in the search for the legendary El Dorado,does El Dorado exist or is it just a story from the ages’

‘Legend has it that king El Rey Dorado of the musica tribe of Colombia used to cover himself in gold dust and throw pieces of gold into an underground lake named Guatavita to appease the god’s.’

‘I aim to find that gold and bring it back to the queens England’

 

Daniel continues to read the journal until the end of his shift and then he does something that he has never done before.

He places the journal into his briefcase and heads upstairs with sweaty palms.

Taking museum property home is strictly forbidden.

 

Daniel tries to calm his nerves when he reaches the lobby.

He puts a smile on his face as he approaches the security guards says goodnight  to them and walks out onto the street.

He cant wait to arrive home to read more of the journal.

 

When Daniel gets home he has a quick meal and a shower then settles down for the night

He pours himself a large whiskey lights a cigarette and starts to read and he soon becomes lost in the words.

He smokes cigarette after cigarette as his excitement grows and as he reads his mind becomes addled with the lust for gold.

 

Daniel Carruthers the mild mannered archivist is finally coming out of his shell.

And as he tries to settle down to sleep his mind is ticking over.

He has over six months of leave built up so maybe now the time is right to get out from the mundane.

And go on an adventure.

 

When Daniel arrives at work the next day he informs his boss that he is taking all of his leave effective from tomorrow.

His boss tells him that he has to give a months notice before taking any leave so get to work and follow proper procedure.

But Daniel is having none of that and without another word he picks up his briefcase and walks out the door.

The fever for gold has already taken away all of Daniels common sense.

Is he about to walk a very dangerous path.

Will he walk the yellow brick road?

Or walk the highway to hell?

 

Daniel spends the next week at home getting his passport and travel plans in order.

And reading Sir Walter Raleigh’s journal until it started to fall apart in his hands.

And ten days after he resigned from his job Daniel boards a flight to Bogata Colombia.

After the plane lands he catches a taxi to his motel room and gets a few hours sleep.

 

In the morning walks the streets going from market to market asking the locals about

El Dorado.

He asks the same questions that have been asked for centuries ‘Where can i find the gold of El Dorado? Or is El Dorado just a myth or legend?’

 

Daniel thinks that he has been discreet but all of his questioning hasn’t gone unnoticed.

A local businessman named Miguel Escovado has been following Daniel as he mixes with the locals.

Because he to has had a fascination with the legend of El Dorado.

He taps Daniel on the shoulder and suggests that they talk.

 

So the two adventurers go to a canteena for a coffee and a chat.

Daniel is wary of this strangers motives but he listens as the man talks about El Dorado and where they might find it.

Daniel soon realises that will have to trust someone sooner or later so he takes the journal from his briefcase and puts it on the table.

Miguel picks up the journal and for for the next hour he reads non stop.

And Daniel and Miguel agree to become business partners.

 

With his local knowledge Miguel soon organises the supplies and a working party of ten villagers.

And a week later the expedition leaves Bogata in four old land rovers.

Destination EL Dorado.

 

Daniel and Miguel are in the lead land rover plotting the course.

Miguel is at the wheel while Daniel reads the journal.

They have no maps just a good feeling that they are heading in the right direction.

 

Two weeks later Daniel has this sinking feeling that they have been driving around in circles.

Fuel is running low and the morale among the guides is even lower.

Daniel realises that he has been on a fools errand searching for a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

He looks over to Miguel and suggests that they turn back before it is too late.

 

But Miguel doesn’t want to give up so easily.

The fever for gold is flowing freely through his veins.

And after a brief discussion they agree to give it another month.

If they haven’t found El Dorado in that time then they will  count their losses and head back home.

 

But fuel is really getting low so when they reach a fast flowing river they decide to make camp camp.

And in the morning they will travel by kayak to converse the fuel supplies.

The land rovers will be left behind guarded by four of the guides.

 

All of the camping gear and the kayaks are unloaded from the land rovers and camp is set up for the night.

As he sits by the camp fire eating rice and beans Daniel notices that the guides are looking uneasy and whispering amongst themselves.

Miguel tells Daniel that the guides are worried that they will upset their god if they remove any gold from the forest.

And the only way to appease them a sacrifice will have to be made.

 

When it finally sinks in what the guides are saying Miguel tries to alert Daniel to the danger but he is too late.

One of the guides fires his rifle and Miguel falls to the ground dead.

Daniel jumps to his feet in shock and slowly inches back in the direction of the turbulent river.

He knows that his only chance to survive is to make it into the water.

 

He is only ten feet from the water when the head guide walks towards him with a smirk on his face.

The guide is named Guido and he is one mean son of a bitch who would kill you without batting an eyelid.

He hols out the journal to Daniel and says ‘You show me the way to El Dorado and i will let you live’

 

Guido is only two foot away when Daniel lunges forward and turns back towards the river.

But Guido doesn’t let go of the journal and he and Daniel tussle on the edge then with a sound Daniel Guido and the journal disappear into the torrent below.

 

Will Daniel and Guido survive the fall and find El Dorado?

Or will they both drown and wind up in hell?

 

To find out the answers to these questions and more.

All you have to do is return and read Part Two

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories, now if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can realize my dream of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

A Very Droll Troll

10 Friday Jun 2016

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The Year is 1643 in the City of Budapest Hungary

And on the edge of the City is a small Stone Bridge.

And under that Bridge Lives a very droll Troll.

He is Armed with a Razor sharp Rapier.

And an even sharper Tongue.

The Troll has been the Guardian of this Bridge for over

Three Hundred Years.

He is Old but forever Young.

So if You Walk over or Travel under this Stone Bridge.

You will have to pay a Toll.

To Karel the very droll Troll.

No Cheques please strictly Cash Money.

Hungarian Florits preferably.

And Gold Coins are acceptable.

Just Deposit them in the handy little Receptacle.

That being Karels little Leather Pouch.

Of Karel will pass on any Toll Collected to the King.

Minus a small collection Fee.

Karel the very droll Troll isn’t Greedy.

He is just very very Needy

Karel sits under that little Stone Bridge.

Waiting for a Traveller to pass.

Sharpening His Rapier and His sarcastic Wit.

He doesn’t care if He has to use a Weapon.

Or His smooth talking Mouth.

He will Collect the Toll by Sword or Voice.

And the Travellers will soon realise that they haven’t

got any choice.

Then Karel Hears the sound of sneaking Feet.

The sound of a Toll evader.

‘Hail! Who goes there?’

He yells from His comfortable Toll Booth.

Then He notices a Dodo Bird trying to sneak under the Bridge.

;Please I am desperate’

‘Haven’t you heard that Dodo’s are almost Extinct’

‘I have to rush to find a Mate ‘

‘Before it is too late’

Well Karel the very droll Troll couldn’t care less if this was

the last Dodo on Earth.

A Toll will be Collected.

And even though Karel is only Three Feet Tall.

He is built like a Komodo Dragon on Two Feet.

An ugly little Fucker.

He will collect the Toll at any cost.

The Dodo hangs Her Head.

She knows when She has lost.

With a Squawk She hands over a single Florit

To the creepy little Toll Collector

Before She is Plucked and Roasted in His Oven

By the look of Him.

He would really enjoy chewing on a Parsons Nose.

She rushes off on Her fruitless search for a Mate.

Because it really is way way too late.

Before Karel can even sit down

He can Hear Hooves approaching the Bridge above

So He rushes up to Collect the Toll

And through a Cloud of Dust

He can see a lone White Horse.

But when it gets closer He sees that it isn’t a Horse.

But a Mythical Unicorn.

He holds up His Hand to get it to stop.

Just like a Toll Collecting Cop

The Unicorn skids to a stop Thinking

‘How can this Toll Collector se Me’

‘I don’t even exist’

‘I  am just the figment of Someones Imagination’

‘You can Read all about Me in Childrens Books’

Karel the very droll Troll knows what the Unicorn is

thinking

But He can see Him just fine so He must exist

So He holds out His Hand to Collect what is Due

But the Unicorn is not forthcoming.

So Karel waves His Razor sharp Rapier in the Air

He lunges forward and nicks the Unicorns Nose

And from the other end of the Unicorn

A Fart Bellows and Blows.

The Unicorn still cant believe all this is happening

After all He is a Mythical Beast

He lifts His Tail and drops a foul smelling Deposit

But seeing that He is a Unicorn.

The Shit turns into a Bagful of Gold.

Enough Gold to keep Karel in the Hog for Life

Maybe He can even Retire?

The Unicorn is running late

So He Snorts and shakes His Head in annoyance

It is Time for Him to Bail

He is on his way to another Fairy Tale.

Karel the very droll Troll cant believe His Luck

He drags the Bagful of Gold back to His Booth

Puts His Feet up and Lights up a Smoke

Maybe He has time for a Snooze?

Or if He is really lucky He will find Himself a Female

Troll.

And have a roll in the Hay

But the Unicorn from Five Miles away

Shakes His Head Neigh/Nay

Karel the very droll Troll

Cant take His Eyes rom the Bagful of Gold

But He cant become complacent

He still has a Job to do.

Just then a Travelling Band of Gypsy’s approach the Toll

Booth under that small Stone Bridge.

Karel starts to stand up but He really couldn’t be bothered

He has a Bagful of Gold

Who needs a few Florits?

So He waves them through

Over the following Days and Weeks Karel doesn’t Collect a

single Florit.

He hasn’t moved from His Chair.

He just cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold

He just spends His Time Snoozing and Boozing

And thinking about Trolls of the Female variety

Karel knows that He isn’t the best looking Troll in the

Neighbourhood.

Still He cant take His Eyes from that Bagful of Gold

That Gold has really taken a Stranglehold

Word soon gets back to the King

One of His Toll Collectors isn’t doing His Job

He is allowing Travellers to pass through without Paying

Well that is not on

So He Orders  a Battalion of His Soldiers to Arrest Toll Collector#56

Dead or Alive He doesn’t care.

If Karel knew what was coming His way

He would be filling His Underwear

Karel the very droll Troll

Is just sitting around minding His own Business

When He Hears the Sound of Trumpets

‘Holy Crap the Kings Men are on their way’

He knows that He has been neglecting His Duties

All He can do is cover the Bagful of Gold with a Blanket

Then He awaits His Fate

I guess Retirement can wait

Arriving at the Kings Castle Karel is as Nervous as a Kitten

The King looks to be in a very bad Mood

The King adjusts His Crown and gets to His Feet

He looks at Karel like He is a piece of Crap on His Slipper

‘I King Claudius of Budapest Sentence You Toll Collector #56

to be Executed by way of the Guillotine’

;Your Head and Body will be Interred separately so that You will

never rest in peace’

‘Take Him away’

Another Troll arrives at Karel’s old Toll Booth

It is His Replacement Toll Collector #57

He saw Karel’s Head hit the Ground in a Fountain of Blood

So He will never neglect His Duty

He enters the Booth and is hit with an God almighty Smell

He lifts the Blanket laying in the Corner.

And sees a Bagful of Smelly Shit.

Well what did You expect?

Gold?

How could there be Gold?

Unicorns don’t exist

Or do They?

THE END

Thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories, now if you could please make a donation so i can reach of goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.

Golden Dreams

07 Sunday Feb 2016

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For my Annual Holidays I decided to hire a Metal

Detector.

Go out to the middle of nowhere.

And make my fortune in Gold.

Or Silver Opals or Diamonds Or maybe I will find some

Buried Treasure

Or maybe I will find a Shit load of Gold Coins way in the

back of a Cave.

Jesus I am Daydreaming again.

So I tell my imagination to behave.

So I hire a Metal Detector.

And on my adventure I go.

As I drive I dream about Pirates Buccaneers.

And old wooden Ships.

Plus a cranky old Captain with a Parrot on His Shoulder.

I Dream about finding my fortune.

And a Gold Nugget as big as a Boulder.

So after driving for two days I finally reach my Destination.

I little place in Queensland called Cassowary Hideaway.

I find myself a little Bungalow.

And book in for a week long stay.

Early the next morning I drive into Town to pick up some

Supplies.

And while I am there I buy some Maps.

I ask the Newsagent if He has any Treasure Maps.

Preferably one where X marks the spot.

Only joking haha.

Well the Newsagent doesn’t get my sense of humour.

He looks at Me like I am some Loco from the South.

I can see that My charm isn’t working.

So for a change I just shut My Mouth.

Well the Locals sure are friendly I feel right at Home.

I buy the Maps and then go to the Grocery Store for some

Food and Water.

Then I jump into my 4WD to start My Detecting.

I just hope that my directions don’t need correcting.

But before I head off inland.

I decide to give My Detector a trial run on the Beach.

So I walk up and down the Sand.

Waving that thing back and forth.

And right away it goes odd with the pinging sound

of success,

But a couple of Hours.

All I got for my trouble was a rusty old Horse Shoe Car

Keys a few Coins and a cast iron Camp Fire Pan.

I hope that I have better luck Tomorrow.

When I travel deep into the Hinterland.

I wake early the next Morning.

And after a breakfast of Bacon and Emu Eggs.

I set off for a five hour drive.

But if I stumble across a likely looking spot.

I will stop and check it out.

And after two hours that is exactly what happened.

I like the look of a little clearing  beside a trickle of

a Creek.

Hopefully My Metal Detector will go ballistic.

And I will make My Fortune before the end of the Week.

After setting up all of my Camping gear.

It is time to take in My surroundings.

So I grab my Detector and go on a walk about.

Well I walk around for Hours.

And the only thing that I Detect.

Is that the Clouds have turned dark and gloomy.

So I hurry back to my Four Person Tent.

And for one Person it is nice and roomy.

As I sit there watching the Rain coming down.

Enjoying a cold Beer or Two.

Then My Mind starts to wander.

As I look out at the great wide yonder.

Maybe I will find a Treasure Chest  full of Jewellery

and Silver.

Or a giant Nugget weighing a Thousand Ounces.

Or maybe I will find a secret Government Vault

Like the American Fort Knox.

Then I can buy myself a Mansion.

And stop living on the Street of Hard Knocks.

I Smile as I think about My Golden Dream.

Then I feel that My Bladder is full.

So I let loose a long golden stream.

I have a restless Night.

Thinking about all of the Wild Animals out there.

Cassowarys Dingoes Spiders Snakes and Scorpions.

And of course the Salt Water Crocodile.

An Ancient Reptile like a Freight Train with Teeth.

The most dangerous Animal on Earth.

Is the one that lurks beneath.

The next Morning I wake up tired weary and wired.

But after a Breakfast of Bacon and Eggs

I am ready to go exploring.

So I decide to follow the Creek inland.

To see where it will take Me.

And as I take in the beautiful scenery

I realise that this place is where every Person on Earth

should see.

As I wave My Detector around.

The Air is filled with the sound of silence.

It is not picking up a thing.

Maybe it is broken?

So I do some tinkering

And finally I get a sound

But it is not the sound of striking Gold

It is not that at all.

It is the sound of a Waterfall.

I walk towards the sound.

And I come across a large Billabong.

About Fifty Metres wide.

And God knows how deep.

And My Detector is still turned on.

And it is going ballistic.

Like a deranged out of control Pogo Stick.

Then it jumps out of My Hands.

And takes off towards the Falls.

It cuts through the Water like a Outboard Motor.

Or like a crazy Whipper Snipper.

Jesus I think I have hit the jackpot.

You little ripper.

Well the fastest way to see what is behind the Falls.

Is for Me to go for a swim.

So I strip down to My Underwear.

Have a quick look out for a Croc.

Then I jump right in.

It is only Thirty Metres to the Falls.

But it looks so far away.

Then I feel a tightening in My Balls.

A Crocodile is Twenty Metres behind Me.

And it is closing in fast.

I only have a few Metres to go.

So I start to Swim like a Torpedo.

It is like I am wearing Fuel Injected Speedos

I just make it.

Before the Croc can give my Arse another hole.

I shoot beneath the Falls.

Like a Bullet from a Gun.

And it feels like I have swum straight towards the Sun.

I cant believe My Eyes.

I have swum into a Golden Cave.

The Cave looks to be about Ten Metres deep.

And it is Choc a Bloc with Gold.

Gold Bars Gold Jewellery Gold Gold Gold.

It must be a long lost Pirate Treasure.

Captain Hook Captain Kidd Captain Blue Beard.

One of those.

Wait what am I Hearing?

Beep Beep  Beep Beep

Jesus it is my Alarm Clock.

The whole Adventure was just a Dream

I cant believe it was just a Dream.

A Golden Dream.

THE END

Thank you for taking the time to read one of my stories and if you have the means could you please make a donation so i can reach my goal of becoming a fulltime writer. Thanks again Steven.