I have been making a lot of decisions lately and I have a headache.
So I have decided to stop thinking for myself and just let other people do the thinking for me.
That is a load off my mind now I can relax and be myself or someone else.
As I have been out and about I have noticed a lot of guys are sporting large tats on the side of their necks.
Well I have always wanted to be a walking billboard so I book myself in to get some ink done.
Why should I be me?
When I can be like everybody else?
So now I have a tat and I am as happy as Larry and I look a lot like him to.
And even though I hate needles with a passion and almost died from blood poisoning it was worth it in the end.
Now I am part of the ‘in’ crowd just where I want to be.
Why should I be an individual when I can just blend into the background.?
When I was in hospital recovering from the blood poisoning I was visited by three of my male friends and all three had full grown beards.
I started to panic on the inside I don’t know how I have survived without ant facial hair what was I thinking {then I remember that I have stopped all thinking so I blame this oversight on the person who is supposed to be thinking for me)
I am angry at myself how can expect to fit in if I don’t follow the trends?
When I went home a week later I went straight into the bathroom and threw my razor into the bin I want need that little fucker no more.
My new beard is coming along nicely even though it itches like crazy.
Now along with my billboard tattoo and my itchy scratchy beard I am starting to look like 95% of the male population of Australia.
In the morning I catch a train into Newcastle confident that I am now a member of the A team.
But as soon as I leave the station it becomes apparent that I am not.
Every second person walking along the street is holding a coffee cup out front like they are carrying the holy grail so I immediately walk into a café ( they aren’t hard to find there is one every one hundred metres or so )
But as I read the menu I realise that I have no idea what I am reading but after noticing a queue forming behind me I order a short white long black combo.
The girl behind the register gives me a look like I have two heads ( how does she know that I am now part of the trend set? )
She places a large takeaway cup on the counter and I hand over $5 but I am told that I am a $1.50 short ( jesus why is being so cool so expensive? )
Now I am ready to walk the walk so I exit the café holding out my coffee cup like an Olympic baton and after walking for five hundred metres I am pleased to announce that I only split half and somehow managed to drink the rest.
Why should I actually sit down to drink a coffee?
When I can walk the streets like a zombie?
After a few hours of shopping and paying some bills I decide to go to the pub for a beer and a meal.
I go over to the bar and ask for a schooner of black but the barman tells me that they don’t serve black but they have a wide selection of craft beer.
So I order a schooner of organic wheat with a hint of ginseng and it is only costs me $9 ( bargain)
I carry my beer? over to the bistro and order a works burger but the girl behind the counter asks me if I want everything on it? I say sure so I pay her the $ 22 ( another bargain ) and take a seat.
I take a long sip from of beer? well satisfied with myself.
With my billboard tattoo Ned Kelly beard and my coffee cup waking skills I am now officially a member of the ‘in’ crowd I couldn’t be prouder. Baa
(Sorry a strange noise just came from my mouth ) baa baa baa baa
.Suddenly I feel like jumping imaginary fences baa baa baa baa.
I tuck into my burger? after discarding the bean sprouts kale and alfalfa leaves and take another bite ( I am sure I will find some meat soon ).
After my meal I head towards the door with my head in the clouds ( but wallet empty of money ) I have been completely transformed from an everyday nobody into an everyday someone else.
Why should I be an individual?
When I can be just like you?
Baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa baa
THE END
